My best friend's husband makes suggestive comments to me

[Anonymous]

This is a recipe for a disaster.

But could be a great reality show.

All kidding aside, if you were a true best friend OP you would never have made the comment to us that there are sparks between you and your best friend's husband.

In all honesty, that is not something a best friend says about her best friend's spouse.

I think you should do her a favor and sever the friendship immediately before you hurt her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew her husband before she knew him. He and I used to do things together as friends, I've never even so much as shook hands with him in the past, since I was seroiusly involved with someone else during that time. She was my lab partner in college and he came by the lab and they met, i introduced them, and Now they are married.

I stopped by to visit her, and she left the room. He says: "I always thought you and I were going to get together." The hugs hello with him are too long, too tight, too creepy. She tells me in when they are in bed that they often discuss what his life would have been like if he married me instead of her.

She is the salt of the earth. She is Melanie from Gone With the Wind (we're both from the south.). I now only visit when I know he will be away.

I've said directly to him that I would never do anything to hurt my best friend. But I can't lie, there are huge sparks between us and always been.

What's the solution?

Go for your dream. You think these Hollywood people don't take what they want? That's why you live in Alexandria suburb and they are living the dream.... Do you dare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a recipe for a disaster.

But could be a great reality show.

All kidding aside, if you were a true best friend OP you would never have made the comment to us that there are sparks between you and your best friend's husband.

In all honesty, that is not something a best friend says about her best friend's spouse.

I think you should do her a favor and sever the friendship immediately before you hurt her.

She didn't say sparks where there. She wrote it on an anonymous message board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a recipe for a disaster.

But could be a great reality show.

All kidding aside, if you were a true best friend OP you would never have made the comment to us that there are sparks between you and your best friend's husband.

In all honesty, that is not something a best friend says about her best friend's spouse.

I think you should do her a favor and sever the friendship immediately before you hurt her.

I don't agree. OP is trying to come up with a solution, and that involves coming clean. You can't help when sparks fly. What you do *when* sparks fly is what matters.

OP needs to get away from both of them, to give her friend and her DH's marriage a chance. To be a friend is to be supportive of their marriage (unless it's abusive etc) and not, by continuing to orbit in their circle, knowingly assist in damaging or not helping the marriage. If she gets away from them, it will help clear her head, and help her friend's DH clear his. Sure it will be a bummer to not see her girlfriend, but continuing to do so is not being a good friend to her girlfriend as it keeps OP in that couple's world.

[Anonymous]

His hugs are creepy, but there are sparks? How does that work?

[Anonymous]

OP: they are not hugs from a friend. They make me uncomfortable. I like him, I am admittedly attracted to him, but I don't want to lead him on, or get in a position where I make my best friend upset or feel threatened. I will never be his lover or thing on the side.

I am not coming on to him, and for over a year I've avoided seeing her when I knew he was going to be around. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: they are not hugs from a friend. They make me uncomfortable. I like him, I am admittedly attracted to him, but I don't want to lead him on, or get in a position where I make my best friend upset or feel threatened. I will never be his lover or thing on the side.

I am not coming on to him, and for over a year I've avoided seeing her when I knew he was going to be around. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does, and this post makes things clearer. You're doing the right thing by avoiding him. He'll get the hint. There's nothing else you can do. Saying something to your friend would be a very bad idea so just keep on as you are. He can't hug you if you aren't in the same room at the same time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: ok. This is not made up. You don't think it's weird that they get in bed together and discuss his potential alternative life with me? I think that's ...... Well.......strange. I want to maintain my friendship with my best friend, but I feel I have to sneak around to do it. I'm human enough to think her husband is attractive, and it's mutual.

FWIW - this would be my response to my BFF's husband should he ever say something like that to me:

Bob, should you ever say something like that to me again or to BFF, I will rip your fucking balls off and shove them down your throat. I am not an option for you. Never have been and never will be. Is that crystal clear.



It may be a bit violent and dramatic but it drives the point home. Sisters before misters 24/7!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: ok. This is not made up. You don't think it's weird that they get in bed together and discuss his potential alternative life with me? I think that's ...... Well.......strange. I want to maintain my friendship with my best friend, but I feel I have to sneak around to do it. I'm human enough to think her husband is attractive, and it's mutual.

FWIW - this would be my response to my BFF's husband should he ever say something like that to me:

Bob, should you ever say something like that to me again or to BFF, I will rip your fucking balls off and shove them down your throat. I am not an option for you. Never have been and never will be. Is that crystal clear.



It may be a bit violent and dramatic but it drives the point home. Sisters before misters 24/7!!

More laughably bad advice from DCUM.

Making batsh*t physical threats will cause her BFFs husband to either get angry or be extremely awkward around her, which her BFF will surely notice and wonder wtf is going on.

[Anonymous]

Wait, BFF must have some idea that something is going on if they sit in BED and talk about OP. What does BFF think about all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew her husband before she knew him. He and I used to do things together as friends, I've never even so much as shook hands with him in the past, since I was seroiusly involved with someone else during that time. She was my lab partner in college and he came by the lab and they met, i introduced them, and Now they are married.

I stopped by to visit her, and she left the room. He says: "I always thought you and I were going to get together." The hugs hello with him are too long, too tight, too creepy. She tells me in when they are in bed that they often discuss what his life would have been like if he married me instead of her.

She is the salt of the earth. She is Melanie from Gone With the Wind (we're both from the south.). I now only visit when I know he will be away.

I've said directly to him that I would never do anything to hurt my best friend. But I can't lie, there are huge sparks between us and always been.

What's the solution?

Huh?

Wtf

^This. And oftern? One discussion like this is one too many IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: what do you mean? This makes me so uncomfortable that I can't see her vey much because I won't go to visit her when he's around. If we go out, he sometimes tags along, so that's out, or comes to my house with her, because its all " normal " because he and I were friends before she was even in the picture for him, so that's out. So I guess I'm losing her friendship which makes me sad. I've known them both for a long time. Trust me, I grieve losing her as a friend more than him.

Expand your circle OP, unless you are 26 and still into the whole hang out with college friends scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew her husband before she knew him. He and I used to do things together as friends, I've never even so much as shook hands with him in the past, since I was seroiusly involved with someone else during that time. She was my lab partner in college and he came by the lab and they met, i introduced them, and Now they are married.

I stopped by to visit her, and she left the room. He says: "I always thought you and I were going to get together." The hugs hello with him are too long, too tight, too creepy. She tells me in when they are in bed that they often discuss what his life would have been like if he married me instead of her.

She is the salt of the earth. She is Melanie from Gone With the Wind (we're both from the south.). I now only visit when I know he will be away.

I've said directly to him that I would never do anything to hurt my best friend. But I can't lie, there are huge sparks between us and always been.

What's the solution?

A DH here...for the record I seriously want to bang about half of DW's friends. Sparks fly with about half of the half I want to bang. I actually looks forward to to those otherwise lame cocktail parties now. But I digress. Even having been on the receiving end of a few flirty comments I would *never* try to pull the creepy hug or make a forward to comment to one of DW's friends. It just wouldn't happen. A random woman on the other hand -- fair game for flirting.

Your friend is a tool. Can you avoid the hug? You can ignore the comments.