Crushed... Pictures of Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean that he was "maintaining a cache"? Do you mean he just kept a pile of pics in a shoebox in the top of the closet, or are you saying he has a file on his computer that he looks at and updates often? "Maintaining" suggests ongoing upkeep.

If he has a pile of old photos somewhere in the basement or something, I would let this go. If he's taking it out and looking at it every week or if it's on his current computer, I'd just say I'm uncomfortable with it.

+1. OP, if he has photos in a box somewhere, or a file on a computer, it doesn't sound like there's any reason for you to be upset. I didn't comprehensively eliminate all traces of my former life when I entered a relationship with DH. I don't think it's reasonable to expect that. If your husband visits these pictures often, or if you have reason to believe that he's still in touch with or pining for this woman, that's another matter. That would be "maintaining a cache" in a troubling way. Simply having pictures is not a big deal.

How did you find these pictures in the first place?

[Anonymous]

throw them away you idiots

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean that he was "maintaining a cache"? Do you mean he just kept a pile of pics in a shoebox in the top of the closet, or are you saying he has a file on his computer that he looks at and updates often? "Maintaining" suggests ongoing upkeep.

If he has a pile of old photos somewhere in the basement or something, I would let this go. If he's taking it out and looking at it every week or if it's on his current computer, I'd just say I'm uncomfortable with it.

+1. OP, if he has photos in a box somewhere, or a file on a computer, it doesn't sound like there's any reason for you to be upset. I didn't comprehensively eliminate all traces of my former life when I entered a relationship with DH. I don't think it's reasonable to expect that. If your husband visits these pictures often, or if you have reason to believe that he's still in touch with or pining for this woman, that's another matter. That would be "maintaining a cache" in a troubling way. Simply having pictures is not a big deal.

How did you find these pictures in the first place?

Aggreeing with both of these folks. Having old pics/love letters etc... = no big deal. Looking at/rereading/salivating over.... = big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

So...you threw out your DH's belongings? Or did you have a discussion and he threw them out?

I would be livid if my DH took it upon himself to throw out mementos that belonged to me without a word about it to me.

+1. That is a horrible breach of boundaries. They were not yours to throw out.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to put them in storage out of sight, but you don't have the right to throw someone else's possessions away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

So...you threw out your DH's belongings? Or did you have a discussion and he threw them out?

I would be livid if my DH took it upon himself to throw out mementos that belonged to me without a word about it to me.

+1. That is a horrible breach of boundaries. They were not yours to throw out.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to put them in storage out of sight, but you don't have the right to throw someone else's possessions away.

Agree with this.....in the case of a wedding, there are probably people in it that you are still friends to this day. There is probably family in it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses. When I got married, I threw away all the pictures, cards and letters from exes and sold the jewelry they had given me. For me it felt like letting go of the past, looking forward to the future and moving on.

I didn't give my past that much thought.

[Anonymous]

If OP was a man, he would probably be the type to divorce his wife over seeing a male gynocologist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a big box of letters, photos, etc from my past - I save them because they're a part of my history but am happily married and would never want to go back in time.

wow, women keep these? Thought that after I got dumped, out went the artifacts.

[Anonymous]

Obviously not as sophisticated as typical DCUM posters who think it is just great to be married and stay in touch with people you have slept with, but why would I want my spouse to keep letters that could potentially be found? I understand having a former life, but do these aspects have to be kept under the same roof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously not as sophisticated as typical DCUM posters who think it is just great to be married and stay in touch with people you have slept with, but why would I want my spouse to keep letters that could potentially be found? I understand having a former life, but do these aspects have to be kept under the same roof?

What's the big deal if the spouse found them? It's not like there are trade secrets in there. I'm guessing my spouse would be amused and thing nothing more of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big box of letters, photos, etc from my past - I save them because they're a part of my history but am happily married and would never want to go back in time.

wow, women keep these? Thought that after I got dumped, out went the artifacts.

Not all women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big box of letters, photos, etc from my past - I save them because they're a part of my history but am happily married and would never want to go back in time.

wow, women keep these? Thought that after I got dumped, out went the artifacts.

Not all women.

thanks for killing my hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously not as sophisticated as typical DCUM posters who think it is just great to be married and stay in touch with people you have slept with, but why would I want my spouse to keep letters that could potentially be found? I understand having a former life, but do these aspects have to be kept under the same roof?

What's the big deal if the spouse found them? It's not like there are trade secrets in there. I'm guessing my spouse would be amused and thing nothing more of it.

If I ever found pictures of my wife with an ex, say in a bikini with her arm around the guy, I would bang her like a wild man that same night. Sometimes you just have to show her what you are made of.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me, OP. Granted it was a few months after we moved in together but it upset me nonetheless. He threw away all the pictures of the ex and kept the ones of only himself. It still bothered me because I know WHO took them but oh well.

[Anonymous]

I found a book of sexy pictures of my dh ex girlfriend. I was too post baby. It really bothered me. So I threw them out and feel so much better.

What is he going to do? Pour a cup of coffee and ask "good morning honey. Have you seen the sexy pictures of mg ex? I can't seem to find them."

Nope. Throw them out.