Crushed... Pictures of Ex

[Anonymous]

How did you find them? Were they in a readily accessible place, on his computer, or what?

Are you staying at home with a new baby? If so, you probably feel much more vulnerable than you ordinarily would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

So...you threw out your DH's belongings? Or did you have a discussion and he threw them out?

I would be livid if my DH took it upon himself to throw out mementos that belonged to me without a word about it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

So...you threw out your DH's belongings? Or did you have a discussion and he threw them out?

I would be livid if my DH took it upon himself to throw out mementos that belonged to me without a word about it to me.

I would divorce over this, actually.

[Anonymous]

My husband just found a picture of an ex that I had completely forgotten I had--it was mixed up with all of my photos in our basement. He mentioned it to me, I threw it away (esp because it was very inappropriate and I didn't want kids to find it, plus I just didn't want it). Life went on. I think he has a box of old love letters, cards, maybe pics? I just don't care about it. Now if he had a hidden shrine that he lit candles in front of or something, that would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a bunch of love letters from a suitor (he was such a good writer, I never could bear to throw them away) and some pictures of a couple of old boyfriends; probably some letters from them as well.

See, I filed them away pre-marriage and after the kids, a basement flood, and a move, I don't really know where they are. I have told my DH not to worry if he finds them but I know if I die, one day when going through my things he'll find them. I hope he doesn't forget that I wasn't secretly hiding them from him. I even told a girlfriend of mine, but I'm sure she'll forget (it's been years)

Ya just stack stuff away, OP, and we've all got lots of stuff. Unless they look like they are in a spot where he goes and looks at them all the time, then just relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just found a picture of an ex that I had completely forgotten I had--it was mixed up with all of my photos in our basement. He mentioned it to me, I threw it away (esp because it was very inappropriate and I didn't want kids to find it, plus I just didn't want it). Life went on. I think he has a box of old love letters, cards, maybe pics? I just don't care about it. Now if he had a hidden shrine that he lit candles in front of or something, that would be a different story.

I threw out photos of my ex-mil bf so his pecs wouldn't scare off DH who doesn't get to work out at his law office as much as I would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

So...you threw out your DH's belongings? Or did you have a discussion and he threw them out?

I would be livid if my DH took it upon himself to throw out mementos that belonged to me without a word about it to me.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Provocative in what sense?
Were these pictures in an actual folder by themselves or were they just stored in the computer's cache memory?

[Anonymous]

Interesting responses. When I got married, I threw away all the pictures, cards and letters from exes and sold the jewelry they had given me. For me it felt like letting go of the past, looking forward to the future and moving on.

[Anonymous]

I still have pictures of my ex and me tagged on Facebook. Too lazy to de tag. No printed pictures (didn't have any anyways). Dh still has pictures of his ex on Facebook although she's not tagged since they are no longer Facebook friends. When we moved into our house, I told DH he needed to go through his "crap" box that was in his office. He found some old photos of him and his ex From those professional type photographers on cruise ships/Disney/etc. No idea what he did with them. I'm sure he has some photos on his computer that they shared when they lived together. Doesn't bother me. I'm not threatened by his past or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses. When I got married, I threw away all the pictures, cards and letters from exes and sold the jewelry they had given me. For me it felt like letting go of the past, looking forward to the future and moving on.

Well, my past helped shape who I am so, IMO, there was no need to let go of it. My marriage was not a "fresh start" but was simply the next chapter in the story of me. LOL Different perspectives I guess.

That being said, I did not keep any gifts - just pics, cards and letters.

[Anonymous]

He may not even remember that he has them. Most people throw pictures in a box and forget about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP. These pictures should not be in your house.

What, should he get a storage unit to store them? Where should they be kept? This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean that he was "maintaining a cache"? Do you mean he just kept a pile of pics in a shoebox in the top of the closet, or are you saying he has a file on his computer that he looks at and updates often? "Maintaining" suggests ongoing upkeep.

If he has a pile of old photos somewhere in the basement or something, I would let this go. If he's taking it out and looking at it every week or if it's on his current computer, I'd just say I'm uncomfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

Unless they're nudes/deliberately sexy pics OR he's looking at them frequently, it's nuts to demand they be thrown out. and if DH threw out stuff of mine without discussion, I'd be furious.