Crushed... Pictures of Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully all of the 'destroy all evidence of exes as a sign of respect' people can get together and leave the rest of us who don't feel the need to pretend our lives started with marriage be.

I've had one or two relationships with women who had this kind of crazy jealousy/insecurity thing going on and I'd try to eliminate any possible triggers...it just made me miserable, walking on eggshells everywhere. When I met DW, I left some of this stuff laying around - not conspicuous, the pictures of the preceding ex-gf were all put away or tossed - but some things which were evidence of exes. I found this to be an excellent way of driving off the jealous types. NFW I'm wasting time with that kind of crazy insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

No, don't do this, they are someone else's memories. He dated this ex and I'm sure she was special if they were together, but he married his wife, he chose his wife as the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Memories and keeping keepsakes are normal, we are humans and humans are sentimental. As you can see from this post OP, it's normal and ok, most of us have pictures of ex loves. Doesn't mean I don't love my husband any less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big box of letters, photos, etc from my past - I save them because they're a part of my history but am happily married and would never want to go back in time.

wow, women keep these? Thought that after I got dumped, out went the artifacts.

Not all women.

thanks for killing my hope.

Sorry, man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've kept an expensive Swiss watch and a diamond ring my ex gave me in 1995. They are like 8K combined - why would I get rid of them?

Have you had them appraised, because the resale value of a diamond is like a that of a car. Once you drive it off the lot, it's worth very little. I'll bet you would be shocked if you tried to pawn it.

[Anonymous]

I think a PP nailed this on the head. It probably has more to do with which ex it is, rather than any ex at all.

An old picture from prom or homecoming or someone you dated 5-10 years ago? Probably no big deal.

The BF/GF from the relationship directly preceding yours, and who your BF/GF may not have been completely over? Or was dating simultaneously? Probably going to cause an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully all of the 'destroy all evidence of exes as a sign of respect' people can get together and leave the rest of us who don't feel the need to pretend our lives started with marriage be.

+1 I cannot get my head around done of these responses. Nobody is talking about sex tapes or nude pics. That's inappropriate. Totally. But random, innocuous photos kicking around in storage are a sign of disrespect? Makes me glad that DH isn't crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully all of the 'destroy all evidence of exes as a sign of respect' people can get together and leave the rest of us who don't feel the need to pretend our lives started with marriage be.

+1 I cannot get my head around done of these responses. Nobody is talking about sex tapes or nude pics. That's inappropriate. Totally. But random, innocuous photos kicking around in storage are a sign of disrespect? Makes me glad that DH isn't crazy.

+2. I can also remember having sex with my ex-boyfriends that I had sex with. Is it disrespectful that I have not scrubbed my brain of those images?

[Anonymous]

Very interesting thread. Understand my wife was alive before I met her. But would I want to find pictures when cleaning the attic of the college bf she went on Spring Break with twice and probably screwed her brains out with three times a day? Not especially. I never really think of my exes and would have no desire to keep any mementos. If my wife kept pictures and also stayed in touch with the guy, I wouldn't be crazy about it. I mean, its not like they only studied American history together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a PP nailed this on the head. It probably has more to do with which ex it is, rather than any ex at all.

An old picture from prom or homecoming or someone you dated 5-10 years ago? Probably no big deal.

The BF/GF from the relationship directly preceding yours, and who your BF/GF may not have been completely over? Or was dating simultaneously? Probably going to cause an issue.

I agree completely. My bf started dating me a week after he broke up with his volatile ex gf. He then dumped me after a month of dating to try and work things out with her. He came back saying he was an idiot and left again. We didn't speak until 6 months later when he came back again. We started dating and are already engaged 2 years later now. Even though we have a great relationship any reminder of his ex girlfriend makes me flip the shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

PP here: If I hadn't caught him tracking me a number of times several years afterwards, well. . . I think that's one of the reasons why I ended things with him. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but realized (after the tracking incidents) that under the attractive surface, there'd always been something "off."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

PP here: If I hadn't caught him tracking me a number of times several years afterwards, well. . . I think that's one of the reasons why I ended things with him. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but realized (after the tracking incidents) that under the attractive surface, there'd always been something "off."

Well that tracking business is where this whole thing crosses into bizarro land. I assume that by "tracking" you mean physically following you? Not just looking up your Facebook page...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

PP here: If I hadn't caught him tracking me a number of times several years afterwards, well. . . I think that's one of the reasons why I ended things with him. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but realized (after the tracking incidents) that under the attractive surface, there'd always been something "off."

Well that tracking business is where this whole thing crosses into bizarro land. I assume that by "tracking" you mean physically following you? Not just looking up your Facebook page...

Yes, physically following me when I was with my then-current boyfriend, by myself, etc. Don't know why, exactly. He was newly married. I guess he's evidence I had worse judgment in college than I realized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

PP here: If I hadn't caught him tracking me a number of times several years afterwards, well. . . I think that's one of the reasons why I ended things with him. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but realized (after the tracking incidents) that under the attractive surface, there'd always been something "off."

Well that tracking business is where this whole thing crosses into bizarro land. I assume that by "tracking" you mean physically following you? Not just looking up your Facebook page...

Yes, physically following me when I was with my then-current boyfriend, by myself, etc. Don't know why, exactly. He was newly married. I guess he's evidence I had worse judgment in college than I realized.

Did you ever find out why he was doing that? What exactly he was hoping to gain by following you? Did he ever try to talk to you or did he just follow, watch you? Sorry this happened, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when I broke up with my college boyfriend, he kept a teaching video from my student teaching semester. Don't know why he wouldn't return it. I'm counting on his wife having thrown it away, along with everything else that belonged to me. It creeped me out knowing he had my things, especially that video. Maybe your husband's ex-girlfriend feels the same?

hopefully he just couldn't find the video and didn't want to fess up to that.
One of my exes had borrowed some letters that has a little bit of historical value and proceeded to "lose" them and I know he has them.

PP here: If I hadn't caught him tracking me a number of times several years afterwards, well. . . I think that's one of the reasons why I ended things with him. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but realized (after the tracking incidents) that under the attractive surface, there'd always been something "off."

Well that tracking business is where this whole thing crosses into bizarro land. I assume that by "tracking" you mean physically following you? Not just looking up your Facebook page...

Yes, physically following me when I was with my then-current boyfriend, by myself, etc. Don't know why, exactly. He was newly married. I guess he's evidence I had worse judgment in college than I realized.

Did you ever find out why he was doing that? What exactly he was hoping to gain by following you? Did he ever try to talk to you or did he just follow, watch you? Sorry this happened, btw.

I'm really at a loss to understand what was going on in his mind. He's not as emotionally stable as he appears to be - that's all I know. He's in a position (job-wise) to track me online now in more intrusive ways than facebook if he's inclined, so that makes me uncomfortable. Hopefully he's moved on to other things and isn't interested in checking up on me any more.