My 15 year old admitted to trying pot

[Anonymous]

What will the consequences be for failing drug tests?

I knew kids who would get drug tested by their parents so they started smoking fake weed, which is legal but sometimes even worse.

Drug tests are rarely the answer. Honest, supportive conversations can be.

[Anonymous]

If he chooses drug testing, the consequence for a positive test would be loss of off campus privileges. He might choose drug testing over immediate loss of off campus privileges in the first instance because socially it is less damaging.

[Anonymous]

Most HS kids have been conditioned to say whatever they think you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're overreacting. He's just going to want to do it more.

a 15yr old (freshmen) leaving school to smoke pot and going back to school stoned. Then lying to his mom over and over again about it. LOTS of red flags there.

OP is not overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but I am still having trouble with the whole "leaving campus" thing. What school allows this? Why would parents want their kids leaving school grounds, especially when they aren't old enough to drive themselves to appointments, or whatever reason it is that they have?
Nothing good comes from leaving campus. They're doing drugs.

I know seriously, what schools in this are do this? I would never let me kids go to one of those schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, he now told me that when he tried pot, it was right after he did bad on his math test. So, i guess that's how he dealt with a bad math test.

This worries me more......

If he takes meds for ADHD? Smoking pot with those meds is a disaster.

He refuses to take meds, he says he doesn't want to mess with his brain. Yes, seriously.
I think he needs them.


And to the PP, yes the lying is what has upset me the most.

It might be worth discussing the concept of "self-medicating" with your child. Many people who use drugs and alcohol regularly are "self-medicating," i.e. they are using the drug or alcohol to escape a social or emotional problem or to achieve a "feeling" in their body. Some examples are -- feeling like you don't fit in, being bored, wanting to seem cool, having trouble making friends, feeling anxious and using pot to achieve "calm," or smoking to have an "interesting" experience when you feel like life is boring, etc.

For a person with ADHD (or any brain disorder, like depression, bipolar, etc.), it is probably a much wiser choice to "self-medicate" with a drug that has been through drug trials and has a monitored production and concentration value, rather than self-medicating with a substance like pot or alcohol. When you self-medicate, you have no one else monitoring you and you have the potential to create other problems like addiction. Basically, when you self-medicate you are usually covering up a problem rather than solving it.

How did your DS "refuse to take meds"? Was this just in a conversation between you and him? Has he read any of the controlled trials literature (or has anyone gone thru it with him)? Is he seeing a therapist and Psychiatrist for ADHD? I would really press my child to be open-minded about medication and learn more about it from a professional and some literature so that he has someone to discuss concerns with. Maybe after a series of visits with a professional, a DS would be more receptive to medication when he feels like he has more information and more control over the choice.

[Anonymous]

Ds took med for four years before. He always hated how they made him feel. He was skinny etc. He hated it.

He refuses to take them, we just saw the developmental ped and he talked to ds all about medication and how ds should start back in them. He gave us a prescription. The NEXT day ds tried pot.

He even found an online forum that made him believe that adhd med change your brain permanently.
He is seeing a psychologist too.

I can't force meds on him. He will be an adult in 2.5 years, then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but I am still having trouble with the whole "leaving campus" thing. What school allows this? Why would parents want their kids leaving school grounds, especially when they aren't old enough to drive themselves to appointments, or whatever reason it is that they have?
Nothing good comes from leaving campus. They're doing drugs.

I know seriously, what schools in this are do this? I would never let me kids go to one of those schools.

You don't trust your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds took med for four years before. He always hated how they made him feel. He was skinny etc. He hated it.

He refuses to take them, we just saw the developmental ped and he talked to ds all about medication and how ds should start back in them. He gave us a prescription. The NEXT day ds tried pot.

He even found an online forum that made him believe that adhd med change your brain permanently.
He is seeing a psychologist too.

I can't force meds on him. He will be an adult in 2.5 years, then what?

No, you can't force him, but meds are an ongoing conversation. Ask him to share the information with you that he found. Educate him about reliable and unreliable sources. Do more research on meds together. His concerns about "hating the way it makes him feel" are legitimate, but the best way to deal with that is an ongoing conversation with the doctor who treats your DS like an equal partner in treatment. There are many ways to manage meds rather than just a simple ON/OFF decision. Maybe one med makes DS feel bad, but another might not. Or maybe the particular "bad" side effects are ones that are likely to diminish overtime, or maybe a psychiatrist can help make a more complex analysis of the decision by contrasting the way DS feels on the med with how he is able to participate in activities differently and accomplish more (if that is the case). Journaling feelings and behavior over time can create real documentation upon which to base medical decisions.

BTW, a developmental pediatrician, IMO, isn't really the kind of person I would want prescribing ADHD meds in a complex case (which is what I would call a case where the patient is treatment-resistant). I would really look for a good psychiatrist who can work intensively on medication management and a good therapist who can work on education about ADHD, and cognitive behavioral therapy surrounding the issue of illness/disorder and decision-making and providing organizational/executive function supports and habits. Ongoing work with a therapist can help re-frame ADHD from an illness/disorder that is somehow a failure to a chronic illness like any other illness (diabetes, heart problems, whatever) that needs medication and behavioral changes over the long term for optimal health).

[Anonymous]

Nearly half of kids with ADHD aren't on meds. I would call that complex.

[Anonymous]

*wouldn't

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't be with your 15 year old 24 hours a day. If you take everyone's advice and NOT allow him to leave school at lunch, he'll do it after school if he really wants to. All you can do is really talk to him about it. Try to be open because a lot of kids are smoking pot and if you get all commando on him, he will find the time to do anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't be with your 15 year old 24 hours a day. If you take everyone's advice and NOT allow him to leave school at lunch, he'll do it after school if he really wants to. All you can do is really talk to him about it. Try to be open because a lot of kids are smoking pot and if you get all commando on him, he will find the time to do anyway.

Most kids welcome an excuse to not be pressured into smoking pot... Or any other peer pressure situation.

My mom took me off the off campus list is a perfect excuse. I don't mind being the bad cop, my son is welcome to blame me ... Oh I can't go to that party my mom is being crazy tonight. Peer pressure averted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but I am still having trouble with the whole "leaving campus" thing. What school allows this? Why would parents want their kids leaving school grounds, especially when they aren't old enough to drive themselves to appointments, or whatever reason it is that they have?
Nothing good comes from leaving campus. They're doing drugs.

I know seriously, what schools in this are do this? I would never let me kids go to one of those schools.

You don't trust your kids?

I don't trust their judgment. Get a bunch of kids together without supervision and some bad stuff is going to happen. Your head is in the sand, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but I am still having trouble with the whole "leaving campus" thing. What school allows this? Why would parents want their kids leaving school grounds, especially when they aren't old enough to drive themselves to appointments, or whatever reason it is that they have?
Nothing good comes from leaving campus. They're doing drugs.

I know seriously, what schools in this are do this? I would never let me kids go to one of those schools.

You don't trust your kids?

I don't trust their judgment. Get a bunch of kids together without supervision and some bad stuff is going to happen. Your head is in the sand, my friend.

Will you never allow your kids unsupervised with friends?
They won't have many friends at all.