My Parents are considering leaving our inheritance to charity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't feel entitled to their money but I don't think its right that I don't get my inheritance specifically because my brother can't be trusted. It would be one thing if there plan was to leave it to charity because that is important to them but thats not the case.

It is not your inheritance. It is your parent's money and they can do what they want with it. You could suggest that they make an equal donation to all of their grandchildren's 529 plans.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you were planning on getting that money... You sound a lot like my mother. My grandfather doesn't have a lot, but by that state's standards its quite a bit (around 1.5mil). He mentioned updating his will giving just about everything to my uncle, who is living with and caring for my grandfather fulltime (my grandfather is still very mobile, alert, etc, could be living on his own still but very nice to have my uncle around). My mother definitely feels entitled to some of it, which I don't get, and she started a little thing about it. I know my parents are not as prepared for retirement as they should be, and were probably relying on this cash.

DH and myself will make sure we are prepared for college, and that we leave money to DD and her future children (if she has any). FIL owns a large building that at this moment DH should inherit, and if that happens wonderful, but we're not planning on it.

OP it's not your money, it was never your money. You should prepare for your future yourself and not rely on anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Dh's family doesn't think like that. They prefer to remind us of how grateful we should be. Sometimes I wish they would do something like that.

In the end though it's their money not your inheritance. A trust fund for your kids is an interesting suggestion though.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. BIL was planning on an inheritance to pay his kids' college expenses. Sucks to be him - the person he was counting on outlived his kids' college years and no longer has near as much to divvy up.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids OP? Does your brother have kids?

[Anonymous]

My mom stupidly threw all her money away, and is now bankrupt, so there is no inheritance.


So my sympathy for you is limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

Very much so. I wouldn't lift a finger to help them in their old age so they could use their precious money to fend for themselves, and they'd have none to leave to charity.

This is not charity but spite and horrendous parenting.

It's not your fault that your brother is a screwup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

Very much so. I wouldn't lift a finger to help them in their old age so they could use their precious money to fend for themselves, and they'd have none to leave to charity.

This is not charity but spite and horrendous parenting.

It's not your fault that your brother is a screwup.

Er, trying to force your parents to run through their money so there's nothing left for charity is the definition of spiteful. You sound like a lovely person.

Not leaving money to a child who hasn't learned to take care of themselves is not horrendous parenting, and treating all children equally even if it's not "fair" is also not horrendous parenting. If they leave money to you and not your brother, that could easily be the end of your relationship. Would you rather have money than your brother?

[Anonymous]

It's their money, but a financial advisor or attorney could sort this out so you wouldn't be the "entitled" daughter.

They could leave it for your brother in a trust.Either you or a lawyer could be a trustee, so your brother couldn't drink or snort it up. If your family/children have any serious health issues this money would be important and potentially life saving. I wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why your parents are talking to you about their assets. Are they extremely wealthy? That would be my problem, not that they are giving it to charity, but they seem to want to make a point out of it, instead of just quietly doing what they want. Furthermore, if they're very wealthy, they can be giving it away right now instead of leaving an executor to handle it.

My parents aren't wealthy, but they've mentioned their estates, for lack of a better term. I've always told them the best thing they could do for them and for my family was to invest in long term care insurance, so that we could make sure they were comfortable in their later years. Selfish, but I'd rather see them spend their money on them and their comfort, and not trying to save it and want to live with us.

Be happy your parents can make those choices, OP, even if you don't get some of what they've got.

[Anonymous]

I can not stand circling vultures. That money belongs to your parents while they are alive. And they can do whatever they want to with it.

You are lucky that they aren't spending themselves into oblivion and expecting you to bail them out. Now that would truly suck.

Basically what they are saying is - we do not want to enable our son in his own self destruction. And we also do not want to cause any more conflict between our children by giving one child everything and disinheriting the other nor do we want our daughter to fell obligated to take care of her brother with any of this money. So we will be donating our estate to charity.

[Anonymous]

It isn't "your inheritance," it's "their money." You should learn the difference. It's only "your inheritance" if your parents give it to you. If this is your attitude, I bet your brother isn't the only reason they're cutting you out. If I had kids this entitled and greedy I'd donate every penny and let you fend for yourself. You sound terribly spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

Very much so. I wouldn't lift a finger to help them in their old age so they could use their precious money to fend for themselves, and they'd have none to leave to charity.

This is not charity but spite and horrendous parenting.

It's not your fault that your brother is a screwup.

Er, trying to force your parents to run through their money so there's nothing left for charity is the definition of spiteful. You sound like a lovely person.

Not leaving money to a child who hasn't learned to take care of themselves is not horrendous parenting, and treating all children equally even if it's not "fair" is also not horrendous parenting. If they leave money to you and not your brother, that could easily be the end of your relationship. Would you rather have money than your brother?

I'm the poster you're quoting and, frankly, I couldn't give a flip about what you think of me.

Re. the issue and the bolded part: That's not the horrendous parenting part. The horrendous parenting part is lumping the children together. One is a screw up and leaving him zero money is fine. Why should the other child suffer for her brother's mistakes? It's totally not fair.

You bet your last red cent I would never darken my parents' door again if they pulled shit like that with me. Thank goodness they are not that kind of people who would pull something like this (at least, not my Mum, and the man who sired me would be homeless without her) and I don't have a screw up brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset.

Why would this upset you if you didn't feel entitled to it? Seems to me the appropriate response would be to take pride that your parents were going to help others.

It doesn't seem that complicated to me. I acknowledge my parents' right to do as they please; I'd never contest it. Yet, I have every right to feel however I feel about whatever.

It does not seem normal to me that my parents' charity would start that far from home. I might feel different if we were wealthy. Unfortunately, no trust funds here. So whatever few bucks we manage to save should go to family. I'm fine with the idea of leaving money to grandkids. But not strangers, no.

Ok, so you think you have every right to feel however. Just acknowledge you also feel entitled to their money. You don't get to say "I don't feel entitled, but I would be upset." Because, you DO feel entitled, which is why you're upset.

That's legitimate. Just let's not pretend like you don't feel entitled.

Says who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are considering leaving our inheritance to Charity because my brother is a *(CK Up. And my parents always believe everything should be equal between us. Why should I have to suffer because of his actions. Would you be upset?

Very much so. I wouldn't lift a finger to help them in their old age so they could use their precious money to fend for themselves, and they'd have none to leave to charity.

This is not charity but spite and horrendous parenting.

It's not your fault that your brother is a screwup.

Er, trying to force your parents to run through their money so there's nothing left for charity is the definition of spiteful. You sound like a lovely person.

Not leaving money to a child who hasn't learned to take care of themselves is not horrendous parenting, and treating all children equally even if it's not "fair" is also not horrendous parenting. If they leave money to you and not your brother, that could easily be the end of your relationship. Would you rather have money than your brother?

Not PP. This is as spiteful as telling your kids to f*** themselves. It's only logical that the relationship would be tarnished.