My last name is never included...

[Anonymous]

I didn't take my husband's name and it kind of annoys me that people didn't bother to learn whether I took his name or not. The older generation I don't care that much if they screw it up, but the direct ILs should know or my husband should have told them. One IL goes out of her way to refer to us as the YYY family and teach my kids that, when that's not my last name. But I feel vindicated when my high school sends mail to Mr. and Mrs. XXX which is not his last name, it's mine. So, if both of our names get messed up, it seems fair. Mrs. XXX though is my mother so that's not correct either. I sort of wish we hyphenated our names though because sometimes parents will address an invitation to my kid with my last name which is not my kid's last name. Other times I get left off email lists because it's not obvious whose kid I'm the parent of.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so etiquette experts...weigh in on this;

Neighbor has different last name than husband. Child one has mom's last name and child two has dad's. I assume the following would be correct for their Christmas card:

The Crabapple - DiVenivedivici Family

Or,

Ms. Crabapple and Mr. DiVenivedivici (no mention of kids)

(or Ms. and Mr. but include children's first names)
Sylvester and Sofia

Or, (formal - too formal for Christmas card)

Ms. Harriet Crapapple and Mr. Salvatore DiVenivedivici
Master Sylvester Crabapple and Miss Sofia DiVenivedivici

[Anonymous]

AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't take my husband's name and it kind of annoys me that people didn't bother to learn whether I took his name or not. The older generation I don't care that much if they screw it up, but the direct ILs should know or my husband should have told them. One IL goes out of her way to refer to us as the YYY family and teach my kids that, when that's not my last name. But I feel vindicated when my high school sends mail to Mr. and Mrs. XXX which is not his last name, it's mine. So, if both of our names get messed up, it seems fair. Mrs. XXX though is my mother so that's not correct either. I sort of wish we hyphenated our names though because sometimes parents will address an invitation to my kid with my last name which is not my kid's last name. Other times I get left off email lists because it's not obvious whose kid I'm the parent of.

I'll be sure to address you as so and so's wife.

[Anonymous]

I did not change my name when I married and don't mind cards addressed to "the hislastname family" as 3/4 members have DH's last name.

I have always been offended by the "Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName. That tradition needs to die!

While we're at it, if you insist on the titles please only use Ms for me. Why must a woman's martial status change how she is addressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name when I married and don't mind cards addressed to "the hislastname family" as 3/4 members have DH's last name.

I have always been offended by the "Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName. That tradition needs to die!

While we're at it, if you insist on the titles please only use Ms for me. Why must a woman's martial status change how she is addressed?

PP, I fondly recall looking at my mother's high school reunion directory (class of 1950) where the married female classmates were listed as;

Smith, Jane Jones
(Mrs. Ralph Smith)
1234 Main Street

And, I hate Ms.
I insisted upon being Miss in my single days...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name when I married and don't mind cards addressed to "the hislastname family" as 3/4 members have DH's last name.

I have always been offended by the "Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName. That tradition needs to die!

While we're at it, if you insist on the titles please only use Ms for me. Why must a woman's martial status change how she is addressed?

My mother once asked me if I wasn't ever going to be addressed "Mrs" since I didn't take DH's last name, to which I replied I'd never be Mrs. anyway, I'd be Dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name when I married and don't mind cards addressed to "the hislastname family" as 3/4 members have DH's last name.

I have always been offended by the "Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName. That tradition needs to die!

While we're at it, if you insist on the titles please only use Ms for me. Why must a woman's martial status change how she is addressed?

My mother once asked me if I wasn't ever going to be addressed "Mrs" since I didn't take DH's last name, to which I replied I'd never be Mrs. anyway, I'd be Dr.

LOL! love this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so etiquette experts...weigh in on this;

Neighbor has different last name than husband. Child one has mom's last name and child two has dad's. I assume the following would be correct for their Christmas card:

The Crabapple - DiVenivedivici Family

Or,

Ms. Crabapple and Mr. DiVenivedivici (no mention of kids)

(or Ms. and Mr. but include children's first names)
Sylvester and Sofia

Or, (formal - too formal for Christmas card)

Ms. Harriet Crapapple and Mr. Salvatore DiVenivedivici
Master Sylvester Crabapple and Miss Sofia DiVenivedivici

I'd do The Crabapple/DiVenivedivici Family. Or Crabapple + Divenivedivici Family.

But really, it just doesn't matter that much, not for a Christmas card address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I marry 4 years ago. Like a lot of people do I didn't take DH last name.

Now that is holiday season I make sure I address both last names in the envelopes with our Holiday cards to family and friends.
It bothers me that both family and friends send their cards with DH last name only. We are two in this family.. There are two last names in this family! Why is it so hard to understand?! I don't get it!

ahh vent over!

That's what you deserve for not taking his last name.

PP You deserve nothing from Santa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do it to me too, OP, even the ones who have kept their own names. Oh well. What can you do?

You can stop bitching about something "you" created.

I don't bitch...which is why I said "Oh, well. What can you do?" I just find it ironic that people who keep their own name don't pay attention to others who do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I marry 4 years ago. Like a lot of people do I didn't take DH last name.

Now that is holiday season I make sure I address both last names in the envelopes with our Holiday cards to family and friends.
It bothers me that both family and friends send their cards with DH last name only. We are two in this family.. There are two last names in this family! Why is it so hard to understand?! I don't get it!

ahh vent over!

I can relate, tho I'm not married. It would drive me up a wall, and I would address the issue - politely but firmly.

We women are not chattel registered in someone else's name when we get married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AH, I totally get it. I would be frustrated by that too. What can I say? Casual sexism is alive and well and built into our patriarchal society. At least you know you are fighting the good fight

Yep. This is why we decided to give our kid my last name and not DH's. Enough with these assumptions. Naming traditions are rooted in pretty nasty history of women being akin to property - which isn't to say that changing your name is weak or makes you property. Take DH's name, hyphenate, keep yours, whatever you want. But it's a personal choice and that choice should be respected.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of you. People are lazy!!
I do address people name how they have them. If I take the time to be careful and pay attention on other people names I don't understand why some others don't.

So many lazy people in this world. It's basics! Come on.

As someone else say. I don't care if older people do it but IL's?!

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's something as simple as I knew you as Larla Charles. You married Larlo Smith. There was no public declaration of your feminist preferences, so when we sent you a wedding gift, we were swept up in the excitement of your nuptials and addressed your gift (amd updated our address book) to Mr. and Mrs. Larlo Smith, because technically, that is socially correct.

My point is, it probably is not malicious. And unless you have taken 30 seconds to politely correct someone, you don't get to complain.

Signed, A prideful wife who goes by Mrs. HisLastName