MIL tells my kids that instead of gifts she will donate to her chairty of choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the original q, do your kids routinely write thank you notes to family members for Xmas gifts? Mine do not. If they are not writing notes to other family than no need here. Maybe encourage them to call Grandma and ask questions about the Human Fund or whatever the charity just so they take an interest. (Bonus points if you can cite the pop culture reference)!!

yes they do. as a matter of fact we (the parents) get emails from ILs if they don't get their thankyous. I don't want to make them to do it to be honest since i doubt the kids are really thankful for the gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the original q, do your kids routinely write thank you notes to family members for Xmas gifts? Mine do not. If they are not writing notes to other family than no need here. Maybe encourage them to call Grandma and ask questions about the Human Fund or whatever the charity just so they take an interest. (Bonus points if you can cite the pop culture reference)!!

yes they do. as a matter of fact we (the parents) get emails from ILs if they don't get their thankyous. I don't want to make them to do it to be honest since i doubt the kids are really thankful for the gift.

We call instead of writing letters. Seems more personal to me, and it's what my mom had me do.

[Anonymous]

Your children do not need to write thank you notes UNLESS your MIL sends them a donation card that says something like, "a donation has been made in your name to ____ charity". A charity gift card like that is a gift and needs a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

lame

[Anonymous]

our grandparents do this, and the kids asked once what the charity was and what do they do. they took the kids with them to volunteer there, our kids have never been the same since.

they understand it is not about toys and gifts, they also understand you wirte thank you notes.

Our oldest is not in college and started a group at her sorority house that instead of going out drinking all the time a group of them go to different retirement homes and cook with the residenses, take them to appointments etc.

So instead of bashing the grand parent for trying to teach the kid some values consider doing it yourslef and see how the other half lives.

For those who want to do somethign nice next weekend we will be decorating the wounder warriors houses at walter reed next weekend, care to join us? probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our grandparents do this, and the kids asked once what the charity was and what do they do. they took the kids with them to volunteer there, our kids have never been the same since.

they understand it is not about toys and gifts, they also understand you wirte thank you notes.

Our oldest is not in college and started a group at her sorority house that instead of going out drinking all the time a group of them go to different retirement homes and cook with the residenses, take them to appointments etc.

So instead of bashing the grand parent for trying to teach the kid some values consider doing it yourslef and see how the other half lives.

For those who want to do somethign nice next weekend we will be decorating the wounder warriors houses at walter reed next weekend, care to join us? probably not.

please, just get off your high horse. you spend the weekend decorating wounded warriors house at Walter Reed? great, good for you. we do not need to join you to prove anything.

The grandma in OP's post did not take the time to teach the grandkids anything, she simply told them no gifts this year I donated to a charity (the kids did not chose and have no connection with). I donated to a couple of charities, and will be making a grand total of zero Christmas gifts this year (and I have two kids), but it does not even cross my mind to call family members or friends and tell them your gift is the donations I made to the charities I chose without even consulting you. grandma chose to made a donation to a charity, the grandkids were not involved other than being told, after the fact, that they will not get any gifts. while I find great that Grandma donated to a charity, I think it is between her and the charity, the kids have clearly nothing to do with the donation (did not choose to donate, did not choose the charity, were never involved in the charity), I don't see why they should thank Grandma. if Grandma wants a thank you note, next time she can actually make a gift to the kids, which can also be in the form of a donation to a charity but the kids need to be involved in the process like it seems your kids were

[Anonymous]

I understand the less-consumption thing, but it should be to a charity that is important to the child's family/values, not grandma's, since it's a gift.

Maybe the child loves animals so then a no-kill shelter, for example.

If someone were making a gift of donating in my name, I wouldn't want it to go to Planned Parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the less-consumption thing, but it should be to a charity that is important to the child's family/values, not grandma's, since it's a gift.

Maybe the child loves animals so then a no-kill shelter, for example.

If someone were making a gift of donating in my name, I wouldn't want it to go to Planned Parenthood.

Exactly - my brother, as a joke, made a contribution in my name to an anti-affirmative action group. I was livid. If someone contributed to Focus on the Family in my family's name, I'd be pretty ticked off. No, extremely ticked off.

[Anonymous]

Awesome, so your MIL can take the tax write off! at least she does something, my ILs don't even send presents for their only grandchildren for birthdays or Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Is it The Human Fund?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell your kids that Grandma is thinking of less fortunate people than they, which is OK, and that she still loves them very much. That they already have all they need, and that is why Grandma is doing this.

In private, you can moan about the questionable rationale behind depriving children of their much-anticipated gifts. Does Grandma have an axe to grind or is she going senile?

Wow. Senile? Because she wants kids/ communities/ others [not knowing who her charity is] to benefit in lieu of her grandchildren who possibly already will get everything/ most things/ some things they ask for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it The Human Fund?

Another Seinfeld enthusiast...thank goodness! It's all I can think about when I read this thread.

[Anonymous]

And Happy Festivus to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is great! Not all people need or want or want to endorse more consumption. And seeing kids (or parents) greedy for presents is not a legacy anyone wants to have. We are BARELY middle class, but our needs are met and my kids know it. They are 9 and 11 and they would be really happy to get this for a gift. I admit that they are both weirdly interested in social issues and that may not be a reasonable thing for typical kids at that age. Any chance you could convince her to let the kids help choose?

(I should add that my gut feeling is that if she doesn't allow them input then she is just doing this to satisfy her own ego, and that is an ugly thing. All bets are off with how I would couch it with my own kids in that situation.)

I do not agree that this is great. I grew up in a family where we do not do Christmas gifts (we do celebrate Christmas, part of my family is Christian and very religious, we always had the big family meal, decorated tree and so on, but no gifts), we had one birthday gift only until young (10-11? I do not even remember), otherwise a family celebration with cake. I do not buy Christmas gifts for my kids (5 and 9), my husband does and I had to fight to pair the number down to 1 per kid (no gift was just impossible for him). I asked my parents not to give them anything as gifts and finally persuaded the IL to send clothing or books (no gifts would have been impossible for them too). I have many friends and we do not exchange gifts for Christmas or birthdays. I say this just to show that certainly I am not in the category of the people greedy for presents. still, I find people who tell others "as a gift for you I made a donation to a charity" really rude and fake (except the case in which a person expressly asks for a donation to a charity obviously). These people simply found a way to kill two birds with one stone, with the same money donate to the charity they support and make you feel they made you a gift (actually three birds, since they even get the tax deduction for the donation - they would not get it for a gift of course). who would be so mean to complain that he/she did not get a gift when the money went to all those starving children in Africa.

you do not owe me a gift, ever. not for my birthday, not for Christmas nor for any other celebration. if you do give me a gift, I will appreciate it a lot and thank you for it. if you don't, that's perfectly ok because I do not feel you had to give me anything. if you donate to a charity for a cause you support, I admire you for supporting a cause you believe in with our own money. but please don't tell me the donation was my gift. it was not. it was your money and your choice (I may even find that your charity supports a cause that I find offensive and that totally goes against my beliefs). if grandma I OP's post does not want to give gifts to the kids, she should simply state so. her donation has nothing to do with the kids, it's her donation. if she wants to teach the kids to get engaged and donate, she could give them money, and show how she is involved with the charity and how she donates her money, encouraging them to donate even a small amount.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a ridiculous social trend.

Give to charity. Great. Wonderful thing.

Give me a gift or not. Fine

Don't pretend that a donation to a charity of your choice from you for which YOU get a tax deduction is a gift to me. Just don't. It's not. You aren't kidding anyone.

This. It's not a gift to the grandkids. I agree that if she told the kids that their gift was a donation to a charity that they chose, that would be different. But when she chooses the organization? Not a gift to the kids of any kind. Don't pretend that it is.

I agree. If you think she needs to be thanked for giving herself a tax deduction in your kids names, you can thank her for them. If she really cared about teaching the kids about charity she would tell them that she would like to make a donation in their names to the charity of their choosing. She didn't do that and she's not fooling anyone.