Over reacting son

[Anonymous]

I think you and a few other PPs have nailed it, OP: 13, control issues, hypersensitivity to certain noises, and irritability. I relate to a point. While I don't flip out on people, when my husband whistles or taps his pen it is unbearable to me. But I don't freak out on him; I just interrupt the whistling with an innocent question about something else so he'll stop. If he's tapping, I just ask him nicely to please stop or say "What's that tapping noise?" Clearly these noises bother your son to a significant degree, but that's no excuse for what PP above called the "primadonnas." If he doesn't like your singing, he doesn't get to scream at you and act like a little bully. He gets to ask you nicely to stop, deal with it, or leave the room and hang out in his room or the yard.

[Anonymous]

If it's OCD, you need a psychologist who does exposure response prevention therapy. Talk therapy doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

When I was an adolescent I hated (hated!) being hugged by family members. I felt physically and emotionally uncomfortable in the extreme. I got over it as I grew older. I think you're dealing with adolescence and giftedness.
My DS (also gifted and not yet an adolescent) is so averse to cheese that he will hold his nose and run when we walk in the cheese aisle at the grocery store and will not hold my hand if I have touched cheese. There you go. Weird but part of the sensory over reactions of gifted kids.
I would tell your son that you plan to sing, and his brother will tap. If he has an issue with either one he should go directly to his room. If his brother taps or you sing in an inescapable location buy your son noise canceling headphones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was an adolescent I hated (hated!) being hugged by family members. I felt physically and emotionally uncomfortable in the extreme. I got over it as I grew older. I think you're dealing with adolescence and giftedness.
My DS (also gifted and not yet an adolescent) is so averse to cheese that he will hold his nose and run when we walk in the cheese aisle at the grocery store and will not hold my hand if I have touched cheese. There you go. Weird but part of the sensory over reactions of gifted kids.
I would tell your son that you plan to sing, and his brother will tap. If he has an issue with either one he should go directly to his room. If his brother taps or you sing in an inescapable location buy your son noise canceling headphones.

pp again-- for the record, I think these are temporary sensory issues, not OCD. The noise bothers him and he fixates much like a person would fixate on a tapping pencil or screechy chalk on a blackboard. I thinks it's kind of normal.
Seriously, make him leave the room or buy noise canceling headphones.

[Anonymous]

Giftedness is not an excuse to behave like a brat or a primadonna. I have misaphonia and some of the other issues addressed here (like the cheese aversion), and my parents never let me act inappropriately. It certainly helped me in later life, coping with issues that still bothered me.

No, you can't hold your nose and run past the cheese aisle==that's obnoxious. You can't hold your ears and scream at your parents, tht's also obnoxious. Neither of this give you appropriate coping skills. You need to teach your son how to ask nicely to avoid the stimulus that triggers those responses. That's really the only thing that helps.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with everyone that this sounds like a behavior issue and something your son needs to just learn to cope with and be polite about, but may I also gently suggest restraining yourself from singing when you two are in the car together anyway? One really obvious coping mechanism is to remove oneself from the situation, but if you're in a car, you're stuck. You can't get out.

This is a two-way street: reacting to irritating noises by screaming and ranting at the person making them is very rude, but deliberately making noise that you know aggravates someone when they are stuck in an enclosed space with you and cannot escape is also not great. My family always had a rule that certain subjects of discussion that usually set off arguments or turned to nagging/haranguing were not allowed in the car because there was no way for anybody to leave to cool off and no choice about whether to be subjected to it.

[Anonymous]

On the singing I'm with your son. This also drives me crazy when people sing along to songs. Fine when you are alone, but I never understand why people think its OK in presence of others.

As for the ADHD brother and the tapping I think your son needs to learn to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Misophobia or misophonia, I forgot the exact word. But look that up.

[Anonymous]

I also think it could be on a normal spectrum here. My son (also "gifted" if it means anything) hates to hear others chewing. I usually turn on music when we're eating, which distracts him enough he doesn't notice the chewing sounds. And I had a talk with him, because I felt like it was part natural aversion and part something he was blowing out of proportion. I told him he needs to try to control it because it will be a big handicap in his life if he lets it grow.

[Anonymous]

I agree that these are sensory issues associated with giftedness. I have sensitivity to sound and find some typical sounds extremely irritating. I think it is hard for people without these issues to understand just how unpleasant and overwhelming it can be. I have learned to control my response to these sounds but because they are so irritating it becomes harder the longer I am exposed to it. I typically try to leave the room or politely ask the person if they would mind stopping or turning down the noise.

You son needs to understand that it is somewhat unusual to be bothered by these sounds so that he knows people aren't intentionally being obnoxious, and he also needs to learn the proper response. It may be fine to ask you not to sing if he cannot leave the environment, but he needs to learn to do so politely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giftedness is not an excuse to behave like a brat or a primadonna. I have misaphonia and some of the other issues addressed here (like the cheese aversion), and my parents never let me act inappropriately. It certainly helped me in later life, coping with issues that still bothered me.

No, you can't hold your nose and run past the cheese aisle==that's obnoxious. You can't hold your ears and scream at your parents, tht's also obnoxious. Neither of this give you appropriate coping skills. You need to teach your son how to ask nicely to avoid the stimulus that triggers those responses. That's really the only thing that helps.

I don't think anyone is making excuses- just saying that sensory issues (and control issues) can be common in this population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giftedness is not an excuse to behave like a brat or a primadonna. I have misaphonia and some of the other issues addressed here (like the cheese aversion), and my parents never let me act inappropriately. It certainly helped me in later life, coping with issues that still bothered me.

No, you can't hold your nose and run past the cheese aisle==that's obnoxious. You can't hold your ears and scream at your parents, tht's also obnoxious. Neither of this give you appropriate coping skills. You need to teach your son how to ask nicely to avoid the stimulus that triggers those responses. That's really the only thing that helps.

I don't think anyone is making excuses- just saying that sensory issues (and control issues) can be common in this population.

Sorry, but so are primadonnas.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid with ADHD and one without and I find the one without has a real re-activeness to stressors like taping that my adhd kid does. From what I understand sibling relationships with ADHD can be pretty strained because it can drive so much parental attention. As for singing, my kids have that reaction, I guess I am particularly off key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giftedness is not an excuse to behave like a brat or a primadonna. I have misaphonia and some of the other issues addressed here (like the cheese aversion), and my parents never let me act inappropriately. It certainly helped me in later life, coping with issues that still bothered me.

No, you can't hold your nose and run past the cheese aisle==that's obnoxious. You can't hold your ears and scream at your parents, tht's also obnoxious. Neither of this give you appropriate coping skills. You need to teach your son how to ask nicely to avoid the stimulus that triggers those responses. That's really the only thing that helps.

I don't think anyone is making excuses- just saying that sensory issues (and control issues) can be common in this population.

Sorry, but so are primadonnas.

You sound jealous that your children are not gifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the singing I'm with your son. This also drives me crazy when people sing along to songs. Fine when you are alone, but I never understand why people think its OK in presence of others.

As for the ADHD brother and the tapping I think your son needs to learn to deal with that.

Completely agree with this. Clearly, your son needs help figuring out a socially appropriate way to deal with his reaction to these sonic annoyances, but you should realize that there are many people who find random singing to be not just unbearable but extremely rude. It's both an intrusion and a distraction, and seems like a pretty narcissistic thing to do unless you are in a choir, or your audience has paid to see you or requested that you perform. Surely there are times when you have the house to yourself or are driving alone when you can indulge in your desires to sing without offending those who are focusing on something else? While I'm venting, I believe that a special hell awaits for people who whistle on the metro.