my spouse thinks I am fat

[Anonymous]

You should try doing more around the house. Maybe some date nights. Maybe he just needs more "me time" to be in the mood. Try doing nice stuff with him without any expectation of sex. Too much pressure for sex can kill libido.

[Anonymous]

Chances are, the problem is not with you. Let's face it, we're not going to look the same at 50 as we did at 23, and rational people understand this. Guys are lucky in that they can sometimes hold off the aging process better because they're not the ones having the kids or dealing with menopause-related metabolic slowdowns.

The problem is likely with him. He may have lost interest for other reasons, but he doesn't want to be the bad guy, so he's blaming you. He may not be able to perform. He may be cheating. He may just be a cruel, abusive person. Either way, you don't need or deserve this. If I were you, I'd go to counseling to boost your confidence and make plans to leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should try doing more around the house. Maybe some date nights. Maybe he just needs more "me time" to be in the mood. Try doing nice stuff with him without any expectation of sex. Too much pressure for sex can kill libido.

Also a libido killer: asshole spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is making an excuse. I would find out why - physical issue is possible, but an affair is far more likely.

Cheaters must demonize their spouses in order to rationalize their bad actions. It's textbook.

Agreed. Mine also demonized my mothering skills. Almost a year later, and after the divorce, he apologized and said that I was a great mother. He was just cheating and used anything as an excuse to make himself feel better. Not saying it is that, but keep your eyes open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Agreed. Mine also demonized my mothering skills. Almost a year later, and after the divorce, he apologized and said that I was a great mother. He was just cheating and used anything as an excuse to make himself feel better. Not saying it is that, but keep your eyes open.

Why did you choose to marry such an asshole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Agreed. Mine also demonized my mothering skills. Almost a year later, and after the divorce, he apologized and said that I was a great mother. He was just cheating and used anything as an excuse to make himself feel better. Not saying it is that, but keep your eyes open.

Why did you choose to marry such an asshole?

He wasn't. Really. I know a lot of people don't see it until after the fact. His biggest issue was being a little selfish, and I knew that going into the marriage. We were together for 17 years. But he didn't turn into an asshole until the affair started. Before that he was a kind man, that did his fair share around the house, great and attentive father, and a very thoughtful person with me and others. His behavior really changed when the affair started. I'm not saying that he's god and has no faults, I know we all got them. But he really was a good person. I really believe that he did say all of those things because he felt guilty for his affair. I can see all of that, know that it was a douchebag move and know where it came from. Doesn't mean that I condone it, that I have forgiven him or that I would take him back. But therapy, reading and a lot of meditating has shown me that people turn into something they're not when they're unhappy with themselves. And that affairs affect even more the behavior of the person to cover their tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well from last 6 months, no sex, no interest, mean to me because I am "fat". I am sad, not sure I am fat but beginning to feel very insecure

I agree he has someone else or is unhappy with another part of his life. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish that will be me when I'm 50 years. Sounds great! Your husband is just trying to make you feel bad. Probably going through a midlife crisis and want a 22 year old chick

I'm 49, 5'6" and 170. Now that's fat (but my husband still wants me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll, guys. There's hardly a difference between 120 and 130 at 5'4" unless you have literally no boobs or ass (and hell, the extra 10 pounds can make you look better since it tends to enhance T&A anyway).

This is annoying. Please stop. If you don't like a thread, stop reading it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like even if you were 20 pounds heavier, you would still weigh less than 90% of the women in this area! I'm not bashing big girls, just pointing out the obvious!

From the sounds of things, he's either got personal issues that he needs to figure out or maybe he's actually lost interest in you altogether.

Here's the odd thing in life. You would be surprised at how many single guys are attracted to married women. You would be even more surprised if you knew the actual number of married women cheating on their husbands! Go find a man that finds you attractive and be happy!

[Anonymous]

8:31, you're not fat either. You are probably pleasantly curvy, and of course your husband still wants you!!

[Anonymous]

First, you need to separate the content from the delivery of the message. So many people lump the two together and automatically reject the message.

1. He may be still invested and committed, but has really high expectations from you and from himself on the fitness front, and is a control freak. In that case, you need to read him the riot act for couching his message in such boorish terms and for withholding physical affection for 6 months, which is a total no-no in a marriage. You can also look into training because your non-fat weight is meaningless if it's all wobbly.

2. He may be doing the classic move of faulting you for his issues (adultery, mid-life crisis, sex issues, etc), in which case you should probably be dragging him to therapy and consulting a lawyer.

The most important thing to get through to him is that it is unacceptable to use emotional blackmail like he is doing now. My husband tried that, for a different reason, and we nearly got divorced over it. Hope you find a way, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8:31, you're not fat either. You are probably pleasantly curvy, and of course your husband still wants you!!

I hope this compliment comes back to you a thousandfold. Thanks for being a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you'll lose weight when his dick grows.

[Anonymous]

How's your thigh gap?