Sixth Grade Blues

[Anonymous]

New to this thread and this was our situation 3 years ago when DS was in 6th grade. Not only meltdowns but lying and cheating. We tried everything PPs have mentioned. Looking back, here's what helped the most: 1. both parents commit to staying calm and not reacting to the tantrums (this was really easier for one of us than the other); at a calm time we explained that if he lost it we would say 'please come back when you're ready to talk without raising your voice' and he agreed to abide by that. 2. we jointly agreed that he would show us his assignment book every week night in order to earn 3 hours screentime on Saturday and on Sunday (none on weekdays) BUT (and this was key) we would not react negatively to what we saw in the assignment book. 3. something that he really wanted would be his if he averaged all As and Bs for the year. It took 3 years but he got there, for him it was a smartphone. (The lying/cheating on assignments did not pay off for such a long term reward.) 4. over the course of each year we met once with each subject teacher, and let the kid lead the conversation with the teacher about how things were going. No judgments. 5. we stopped asking him questions that put him on the spot so no more need for lying. 6. we left everything else to him. Which was very stressful sometimes.
He's now MUCH more confident than he was. Of course time helps a lot. Good luck, it is sooo difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a suggestion b/c my child is younger but has similar issues.

Have you looked at all boys' private schools for middle school? They tend to "get" tween boys better and many address executive functioning issues and organization as either a class onto itself and have it built into their curriculum.

This is what we are planning to do for our DS when he reaches middle school. Having a small teacher to student ratio will be helpful too. Boys that age thrive on routine and clear expectations and all boys' schools seem to know that better than coed schools.

Good advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared your concerns with his teachers and counselor? I always share with them observations at home. Also, your DS may need to be in a school that offers him more support, which means you may have to look to private with smaller class sizes and individualized or differentiated learning for kids with learning differences. The schools vary in terms of support from mild learning differences to multiple learning disabilities.

+1 I agree that some of this can be normal behavior for any kid. Middle school kids can want to act out and rebel, and they do it in different ways. Stumbling is part of the learning process. I am concerned, though, that some of this may be side effects from the medication.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP: we had similar issues in 6th grade and we are now repeating them in 9th. DS would not hear anything from us. We had to get his sped teacher to talk to him. She was able to get through when we weren't. He has the HW he likes to do and postpones the hard stuff till later or also does just forgets.

Get school to reinforce this approach and don't you stress about lateness on assignments for now. He needs the consequences from the teachers and the sped to remind him how to approach his own HW. He wants to feel independent and you have to just let him struggle a little right now so he can find his own groove. 6th is overwhelming.

If there is an online tracker, you can check it and just casually say, " I see you have x HW. How about tackling that tonight? I can help you if you want."