Flu shots / Thanksgiving with the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DC is due in October. In addition to my generalist OB, we've seen two perinatologists about possible growth restriction (apparent DC is just constitutionally small, thank goodness, and will be born hopefully full term but very tiny, which is rather odd since none of us are tiny or were tiny babies). In any event, DH is insistent we travel to upstate NY for Thanksgiving to see his family (about 7 hours from where we live without traffic) when DC will be approximately 7 weeks old (assuming he goes full term). While I don't think driving 7 hours with a 7 week old is ideal under any circumstances, I've given in. We will be staying with and in close quarters with about 15 people, two of whom are 11 and 12 year old boys. I'm not sure if they get flu shots or not, but our DC will only be 7 weeks and will not have received his flu shots yet. Am I out of line to be stressing this? Should I push the ped to give the flu shots early? I'm just concerned given that our DC will already be so tiny. Thoughts?

No matter the size of your baby, this is a terrible, terrible idea. Terrible. Your DH needs to get a clue. He needs to understand that his #1 priority going forward is the well-being of his child.

This.

[Anonymous]

Can you stay in a hotel so that at least you are not sleeping in close quarters with everyone else and you have the option of leaving for the occasional quiet nap if necessary?

I don't think its unreasonable to demand that people who are insisting on seeing your baby get flu and pertussis shots. Yes you are going to their home, but you are going because they, along with your husband, apparently really really want you to. It's not like you are the ones proposing the visit. I don't know how to get your husband to see eye to eye with you on that if he doesn't already, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is your concern traveling with a newborn, or the possible germs?

I had to travel with a 10 day old baby. Ten hour trip, split into two days -- after a c-section. Not even a little bit enjoyable, but still doable.

My concern is both since I, too, will be having a csection. From what I've been told by everyone around me ("in real life") - his mother, his sisters, my mother, etc. - this really isn't a big deal. They're all telling me that, if all goes well, by 7 weeks I'll be healed from the section, the baby will still be in super sleepy mode and will travel well in the car, and that I'll just manage the germs by telling anyone who is sniffling, etc. to back off. Nobody else seems to think it's at all a big deal.

I do plan to breastfeed so I'd prefer not to send DH and DC alone since it's for 3 nights. I'm not at all against formula feeding, I just want to give breastfeeding a shot.

To the PP who had the smallish baby despite being tall herself (and her husband being tall), was growth restriction in utero (IUGR) ever diagnosed? Were you ever told while pregnant that the baby was measuring small for his / her gestational age? Did anything special have to be done once your DC was born? NICU stay? Special formula feeding? Etc.? We're similarly baffled in hearing our baby is going to be small since I was born over 8 lbs, DH was born over 7 lbs, I'm 5'7 and my husband is 6'2 and I have a normal to curvy build (DH is very thin an has to work extra hard to put on muscle and absolutely cannot put on fat). Thanks!

Both my mother and my MIL gave me out-dated recommendations about not taking pain meds, things like that. Do not trust their memories of post-partum life. No way, no how. They have very rose-colored glasses at this point. Especially your ILs, who just want to see the baby.

You may be up to a seven-hour drive, and maybe some babies are fine at seven weeks, but 6-8 weeks is really the peak of fussiness. My baby didn't nap much at all at that age unless it was on my lap--with intermittent breast-feeding. No way we could have done that in the car.

It's a lot to ask of you and DH. You'll be the ones suffering, you in particular, for other people's pleasure in seeing the baby. If it would also make you happy to see them, great, but, man, they should be understanding if you skip this year. They can make the seven-hour drive themselves to come see you if they're so eager to meet the baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is your concern traveling with a newborn, or the possible germs?

I had to travel with a 10 day old baby. Ten hour trip, split into two days -- after a c-section. Not even a little bit enjoyable, but still doable.

My concern is both since I, too, will be having a csection. From what I've been told by everyone around me ("in real life") - his mother, his sisters, my mother, etc. - this really isn't a big deal. They're all telling me that, if all goes well, by 7 weeks I'll be healed from the section, the baby will still be in super sleepy mode and will travel well in the car, and that I'll just manage the germs by telling anyone who is sniffling, etc. to back off. Nobody else seems to think it's at all a big deal.

I do plan to breastfeed so I'd prefer not to send DH and DC alone since it's for 3 nights. I'm not at all against formula feeding, I just want to give breastfeeding a shot.

To the PP who had the smallish baby despite being tall herself (and her husband being tall), was growth restriction in utero (IUGR) ever diagnosed? Were you ever told while pregnant that the baby was measuring small for his / her gestational age? Did anything special have to be done once your DC was born? NICU stay? Special formula feeding? Etc.? We're similarly baffled in hearing our baby is going to be small since I was born over 8 lbs, DH was born over 7 lbs, I'm 5'7 and my husband is 6'2 and I have a normal to curvy build (DH is very thin an has to work extra hard to put on muscle and absolutely cannot put on fat). Thanks!

Both my mother and my MIL gave me out-dated recommendations about not taking pain meds, things like that. Do not trust their memories of post-partum life. No way, no how. They have very rose-colored glasses at this point. Especially your ILs, who just want to see the baby.

You may be up to a seven-hour drive, and maybe some babies are fine at seven weeks, but 6-8 weeks is really the peak of fussiness. My baby didn't nap much at all at that age unless it was on my lap--with intermittent breast-feeding. No way we could have done that in the car.

It's a lot to ask of you and DH. You'll be the ones suffering, you in particular, for other people's pleasure in seeing the baby. If it would also make you happy to see them, great, but, man, they should be understanding if you skip this year. They can make the seven-hour drive themselves to come see you if they're so eager to meet the baby!

OP again. It's not so much about seeing the baby (I mean, I'm sure that's some of it), but it's more about the family all getting together. His parents are going to be staying at our place while we're at the hospital. Since we know we're having a C-section on a Friday and we know we'll be there at least until Sunday, they'll be able to stay in our apartment (close to the hospital) and come visit us in the hospital whenever they'd like that weekend.

They make a very big deal out of Thanksgiving and it's usually a lot of fun - great food and good drinks (obviously, if I'm BFing, I'll only be enjoying the food), a lot of laughter, playing board games, watching football, etc. and DH and I live close to my parents so taking away Thanksgiving at his parents' will be hard on him. Having his parents come here is not feasible because they always host Thanksgiving so the rest of the family wouldn't have anywhere to go and we have a 1 bdrm apartment so hosting everybody would be impossible.

I'm trying to make compromises, saying we'll get together with them over Christmas (at my parents') and we'll go for a trip up there before the baby comes for his father's birthday in early September, but we may have to miss out on Thanksgiving this year. He said he's willing to play it by ear so right now I think that's all I can ask for. I know when the time comes, we'll be going, I'm just anxious about DC being around all the germs when DC is already supposed to be a teeny tiny baby...

[Anonymous]

I did Christmas - one night at DH's grandparents 2 hours away - at 3 weeks postpartum and it was pure misery. I was still bleeding and sore, baby wanted to nurse constantly, no one slept, ugh. Honestly though, the worst part of this proposition is the drive. Is there any way you can fly? It's just insufferable to try to make headway in a car when you have to stop to comfort and nurse a crying baby. I understand about the germs because I'm a somewhat reformed germaphobe, but if you keep the baby in a wrap it's much easier to ensure handwashing before anyone else handles them. I agree with you that it's A LOT, but it's also only a few days and it's obviously very important to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Second the suggestion to put this decision and conflict off until you have a real baby to worry about, not a theoretical one. We did a short road trip at about 8 weeks to prep for thanksgiving road trip at 4 months. It was very useful for us to get the kinks out. Suggest a veteran's day road trip and see if you can delay the decision until then. Traffic plus carseat-hating baby is HELL and if you have a colicky one...What time do you usually make the drive?

I get your concerns about germs but you have more control there than you do about the trip. You can have the baby in a carrier and not pass it around.

I'm a little concerned about your husband's mindset, seeing you as the enemy and his family as the right-thinking people. Agree with PPs that memories of moms of tweens about newborns and surgical recovery are extremely suspect. He misses his family and feels left out, it sounds like. Is he taking pat leave? Once the baby is here he needs to take as much responsibility for it as possible to get him on board. I think the best outcome would be having him realize at your vet day road trip that it's too much to bite off, and taking the heat from his family. And then go for christmas.

[Anonymous]

I'd be way more concerned about germs from a flight than germs from a week of family. 3 hours of recirculated air from strangers vs. having all interactions mediated through mom and getting mom's antibodies?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, the car ride of doom that so many PPs are predicting might not be awful. It might be, but it might not be. You won't know until much closer to time whether the kid likes the car and/or you are still sore. No sense in worrying now about that aspect, especially when it sounds like DH has agreed to be flexible. (Not that I would probably be able to follow my own advice in your shoes, but theoretically it sounds good to not stress about the worst case scenario).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is your concern traveling with a newborn, or the possible germs?

I had to travel with a 10 day old baby. Ten hour trip, split into two days -- after a c-section. Not even a little bit enjoyable, but still doable.

My concern is both since I, too, will be having a csection. From what I've been told by everyone around me ("in real life") - his mother, his sisters, my mother, etc. - this really isn't a big deal. They're all telling me that, if all goes well, by 7 weeks I'll be healed from the section, the baby will still be in super sleepy mode and will travel well in the car, and that I'll just manage the germs by telling anyone who is sniffling, etc. to back off. Nobody else seems to think it's at all a big deal.

I do plan to breastfeed so I'd prefer not to send DH and DC alone since it's for 3 nights. I'm not at all against formula feeding, I just want to give breastfeeding a shot.

To the PP who had the smallish baby despite being tall herself (and her husband being tall), was growth restriction in utero (IUGR) ever diagnosed? Were you ever told while pregnant that the baby was measuring small for his / her gestational age? Did anything special have to be done once your DC was born? NICU stay? Special formula feeding? Etc.? We're similarly baffled in hearing our baby is going to be small since I was born over 8 lbs, DH was born over 7 lbs, I'm 5'7 and my husband is 6'2 and I have a normal to curvy build (DH is very thin an has to work extra hard to put on muscle and absolutely cannot put on fat). Thanks!

You "might" be completely healed, and baby "might" still be in super sleepy mode. I would wait, and see how things are going.

[Anonymous]

My DH is from a family of six kids and it sounds like holiday's are just like you describe. I also completely understand the dynamics of of course we are going for Thanksgiving.

Here is my take on it (I've had 4 c-sections)

You have no idea if your baby will be a good car riding baby. Let's hope for a good one and plan for a bad one. With a bad one you will be stopping a LOT so your 7 hour trip will be twice that long.

Breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. This is the best protection from germs that you can give your baby.

If the pediatrician does not give you solid reasons why your baby can not medically go then you are going. Try and go in with a good attitude or you will have a horrible time. Yes your baby will be exposed to more germs. But your baby is also going to be exposed to lots of family that love you and support you. Like others have said use this and help yourself a little bit by getting an extra nap and relaxing shower in. Trust me on the fact that the noise will not bother you. You will be so tired that you will be able to sleep through it.

Ask everyone to please consider getting the flu shot and whooping cough shots. No you can't force anyone but I don't think it is out of line to ask family. Tell them the pediatrician told you to ask them to do so. Do a quick check and see if there is a CVS/Target clinich near the family that offers these so there is no question on that it is available to them easily. My bet is at least some of the family will get the shots. Some won't. Don't make a huge deal about it or you will be "that" mom. But family is family and underneath it all it sounds like your have a good one that cares about each other. If you are making a baby book bring that with you!! This might be a great time for you to take a few minutes to fill in a few pages and a fabulous chance to have family members write a note in it.

You will be ok. I promise that your attitude headed into this trip will make a difference. Yes there are always conditions that you can't control but there are ones that you can. Do all that you can to make it a good trip. Then try and laugh at the stuff that life throws at you to make it crazy. One thing I always do before a road trip is to figure out a few places along the way that would be good stopping points in case traffic is horrible. Hopefully you won't need them but if you know a good place to stop that won't break the bank you will be more relaxed.

Good luck!! You will make it through this trip and you will have great memories of it.

[Anonymous]

I brought my 6 week old for Christmas Day to the inlaws with many young cousins attending. Two kids had influenza and their parents did not keep them home. My dh and I and our other child had our flu shots. We still all got a horrible flu after Christmas with high fever. It was a different strain. Luckily my newborn was the only one that did not get it. I think it depends on the family. Are they smart and considerate and would not expose your newborn to illnesses? Or are they like my inlaws, ignorant drunks who don't care who gets sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I brought my 6 week old for Christmas Day to the inlaws with many young cousins attending. Two kids had influenza and their parents did not keep them home. My dh and I and our other child had our flu shots. We still all got a horrible flu after Christmas with high fever. It was a different strain. Luckily my newborn was the only one that did not get it. I think it depends on the family. Are they smart and considerate and would not expose your newborn to illnesses? Or are they like my inlaws, ignorant drunks who don't care who gets sick?

You know this is now how disease works, right?

[Anonymous]

My concern is both since I, too, will be having a csection. From what I've been told by everyone around me ("in real life") - his mother, his sisters, my mother, etc. - this really isn't a big deal. They're all telling me that, if all goes well, by 7 weeks I'll be healed from the section, the baby will still be in super sleepy mode and will travel well in the car, and that I'll just manage the germs by telling anyone who is sniffling, etc. to back off. Nobody else seems to think it's at all a big deal.

I've had 3 C-sections and the first was the worst! Even months aftewards, it was painful to ride in a car - you have no idea how many of your 'core' muscles you use to stablize yourself while sitting until you've had a rough C-section. Sleeping was the worst. Any time I moved, it would pull the incision and hurt. My first DC was a 'cluster' feeder and even 7 weeks PP, I still wasn't getting decent chunks of sleep. On the other hand, my 3rd C-section was a breeze and so was that baby. If I hadn't had my first one, I would never have known how bad it can be. You have no idea how you'll be feeling. Your DH needs to be open minded and realize that as much as he enjoys being with his family, you and your baby are now his nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

I would wait to fight this battle until baby is born. Baby will be eating every two hrs so your 7 he trip will take a lot longer. If you have a C-section or tough vaginal delivery you may not be able to take the trip. If your baby is born very small then he may be in the NICU for awhile with strict restrictions about who he can be around when discharged. If none of these happen then I would insist on a hotel room. No way are you going to want to be sleeping with 10+people while exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Stay home because you do not have a right to tell anyone they have to have a flu shot.