Flu shots / Thanksgiving with the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. My friend was due with her first in the first week of November and was planning to host Thanksgiving. I told her she was crazy and to change plans immediately. She had every rationale why it was not crazy. Her husband was cooking. Her mom would be there to help. It was a disaster. She told me later she had *no* idea how bad it would be and she had a really easy baby.

In your case, maybe the stay with family won't be bad. There are families where a newborn comes home to 11 and 12 year old boy siblings. Maybe the stay will be a good thing. With so many people around, I highly recommend pumping or buying a can of formula and letting others feed and change diapers and that you work on sleeping 15 hours per day.

However, I have a hard time imagining that a houseful of people including tween boys will be quiet enough while the baby is sleeping. I have a hard time believing that your husband will be appropriately focused on you and the baby and what you need with all that family around. I suspect that this trip is his way of throwing down the gauntlet that the baby *will not change not change your lives and that you will not become the freaks that he has seen other people turn into when they have a child*.

I am not a germaphobe. The lack of flu shots wouldn't and didn't phase me when I had a baby. One of my parents is a doctor who says the most dangerous place to be germ wise is in a hospital. Said parent emphasizes good hand washing hygiene and sleeping methods to prevent the transfer of germs and immune system support. And, honestly, I forgot to ask people to wash their hands half the time. No one will fault you for being "that mom" who makes everyone wash their hands before handling the baby. And ask everyone to have a flu shot before they come for Thanksgiving. It can't hurt to ask. If everyone has had a flu shot, that should give the baby as much herd immunity as possible.

The thing that I would be most concerned about it is the drive. I have spent my life driving back and forth to Upstate NY. We have family all over that area. In holiday traffic, hell in Friday night summer traffic, it can be a nightmare. What if you get a baby who hates the car seat and screams every time you put him in it. It is a phase that won't last long, but that is exactly the kind of thing that happens on a drive like this one. You will need to stop and feed the baby and do diaper changes. You can't take him out of the car seat while the car is moving. Some newer moms can give you an idea of how long a feeding plus diaper change takes. And let's assume everything goes swimmingly with feeding that you don't have any reflux issues, that baby has a good latch and can feed efficiently, that you don't have any problems with breast feeding if that is what you are doing. If you have even one feeding difficulty, the whole process takes longer and is not improved by you having to improvise. I can say that early on when I was trying to breastfeed, I couldn't do it with any shirt on. I had to be half naked even to try. I had a really hard time breast feeding and I had a summer baby so I could be half naked in my own home.

I wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of illness. I would have been flipped out about the logistical nightmare. I think unless your husband has an epiphany about the prospect for disaster that you are going on this trip. If I were you, I would be furious and I have plenty of things to say about how to act on that anger with none of them being healthy or productive.

Meh. I hosted and cooked for 26 peopke 6 weeks after I had my first kid. Never worried about it. Never had an issue. Every one is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of my kids got sick their first year of life. Not even sniffles. I nursed and am a SAHM, but I did not avoid people/trips/public places whatsoever.

Nursing is pretty awesome like that.

Luck is pretty awesome like that.

[Anonymous]

"Should I push the pede to give the flu shots early" to my very tiny baby?

Snap out of it, woman, you are about to be a mother and you need to get into MOTHER BEAR mode. This is just the beginning of you having to not worry about pissing off your DH, his parents, your parents, and assorted siblings.

Blame it on the doctor and stay put. Or, go, but only after you've vetted everyone to make sure they have had flu shots. Stay in a hotel for once--you have a good excuse and can always retreat back there if it gets too crowded or if little Larlo starts hacking up a lung.

DH's do go into Papa Bear mode but over other things---they tend not to with their parents. So you have to do it anyways, even if you cross him.

OP just fyi my DH and I have a great marriage and our kids are 12 etc now. But I had to stand up for the kids, and at times we disagreed. It's ok.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I think the bigger issue here is making sure you and your husband are on the same side and not letting this become an argument between you.

To get too hung up on decisions right now is silly - your baby isn't born, you don't know if the baby will have any health issues, you don't know how you will handle the surgery and recovery, you don't know what your baby will be like at 4, 6, 8 weeks, etc, you don't know whether anyone in the family will come down w/ something the week before the holiday, and so on...

Focus on being a united team that will make this decision together when the time comes. Men don't really grasp what pregnancy/delivery/postpartum stuff is all about until they see it firsthand. You might find that the simple reality of the situation changes your husband's perspective.

You might also find it all easier than you expect - you should leave the door open to that possibility also.

I had twins, born at 37 weeks via scheduled c-section, each right around 6 lbs. My family and many friends are in upstate NY also.

I had the twins at a family party w/ about 25 kids when they were one month old. I took them to NY when they were 3 months old. They did fine.

I really think it will be an issue of what your baby's personality is and how you're feeling - and neither of those governing factors are knowable right now.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Your concern is normal. You should talk to your DH to not making promises until Thanksgiving is close by, it will be more reasonable to your DH atm. Both of you and your DH or anyone else have any idea how the baby and your life will be so just keep that in mind and don't make promises. You don't know if your baby is bad sleeper (mine was, only sleep in my arms and we tried everything from gentle to hard CIO) or may have reflux which makes sleeping and feeding are not enjoyable. You also don't know how tired you are or your health will be after the delivery. There is also a growth spurt around 7,8 weeks that your baby will be nursing every hour. You won't be enjoy the holiday like you imagine. My baby growth spurt at that time plus tiredness since baby was born made me so tired that I was sleeping the whole day (just wake up to feed) despite many people were in my house visiting.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband grow some balls and tell his family NO.

It starts now. Do not wait. Once you put your foot down early on with your baby people will realize you don't shit from anyone.

Good luck!