Any "happy" stories out there of divorces with infants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks. It's an issue that has been rearing its head since before we were married. I guess I thought things would change. That's my fault. I'll admit to that. He basically wants us to be swingers and for me to be a sex freak (hopefully, you still think I'm sane!). I'm definitely not a prude, but I can't picture being that person for the next 30 years either. I don't know whether to just embrace it and be unhappy but have my kid all the time or to take a gamble at being happy on my own/without him and having my kid 50% of the time. It's also pretty much the only thing we fight about. So I almost know that even if I give in and go with it for a few months/years, it's probably going to eventually taper off to something he isn't pleased with in that department. Planting us right back here..but with an older, more aware child. Unless there is a magic pill out there that will make me change (and enjoy the change!), I'm just not sure I can keep it up.

This lifestyle is not suitable for child rearing. He will end up losing custody. This behavior should be criminal.

But he won't if he is otherwise an even marginally decent parent.

Being a swinger is not grounds for losing custody. You (and I) may not agree with it morally but it is a legal activity that many people engage in. Most keep it completely private and their children are not aware. A thousand times better than cheating.

Agreed, and it has nothing to do with whether someone is a good parent.

So let me get this straight.

The husband want to force his wife into having group sex and against her wishes or force her to leave?

How does that not affect child rearing especially if they have girls?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I split up when I was pregnant. So we've always been a "broken" home. She's never known any different. She does occasionally try to guilt-trip us about it (she's almost 6) by saying, "I like it when we are ALL TOGETHER" but that's unusual, and she is on the whole a very sunny, happy child. This is the first summer she's been in summer camps and summer school and the staff at all of them have pulled me aside to tell me she's a happy kid and a joy to have at camp. Some of the kids I know in traditional families don't seem that happy. It could be genetic, but in our case, it hasn't been an issue at all.

One downside: it can be stressful being a single parent. Financially it can be tough and socially it can be more lonely - you can miss having a partner. So you have to be extra careful not to telegraph that stress to your child. But it can be done. good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is all dependent how you and your now husband deal with the situation and how effectively you co-parent moving forward. My parent divorced when my sister was 2, dad was an alcoholic, mom moved us away and we spent very little time with our dad growing up. Little sister has major daddy issues and terrible relationships with men, all.of which directly ties back to decisions and actions my parents made while we were young.

[Anonymous]

I moved out when the baby was 10 months old and finalized the divorced when he is 2 years old.
All are doing well.

[Anonymous]

DH's wife left him when the baby was 6 weeks old. I met him when the baby was 12 months old. Met the baby when he was 15 months old. DSS is now an extremely happy, extremely well-adjusted 8 year old. It's worth noting that DH had joint custody - had him every weekend - and is always always there for him, and the co-parenting relationship is extremely amicable (despite ex still being with the guy that she ran off with). Reading the above postings, that seems to be the difference between well-adjusted and not well-adjusted kids.

[Anonymous]

Have any of you that divorced with an infant been able to date? What about re-marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents divorced when he was an infant, and he had a much better relationship with his dad than his older brothers did -- they were 7 & 8 at the time of the divorce, and I think they really felt abandoned, while his feelings toward his dad were more neutral/positive.

Same here for my DH. He is also the most well adjusted of the siblings.

[Anonymous]

My ex and I split while I was pregnant. It's mostly worked out pretty well, and I do recommend splitting in the early days - no transition anxiety in kids so young. It would be harder at 2 or 3 or later. Note: your kid may at some point express the wish that her parents were still together. She'll ask why you split. And that question will come before you expect it. So you might want to sit down and get your stories figured out.

Odds are pretty good that unless he really wants 50% custody, he won't just automatically be rewarded it. My ex is a good dad but only has our daughter one weeknight and half of each weekend. (plus every other holiday.) He has ADHD and has trouble managing his life, so I've taken on the lion's share of custody, per our custody/visitation agreement. You could do something like this as well, if he agrees to it. (he is especially likely to agree to it now, while the kid is young and somewhat mom-dependent. I find a lot of guys are less comfortable with the baby stage than with older kids.)

[Anonymous]

23:16 - 9:42 again - I haven't been able to marry, and I barely date. It's been too difficult to balance everything- 5/7 custody, all of the kid-related administration, a full-time job, workouts, friendships, house, yard, car, involvement with the PTA and my child's activities. There's only so much time in the day/week/month and dating just doesn't fit. It's harder to meet someone naturally at my age and in my situation, and online dating can be a very time-consuming thing without a guaranteed payoff.

So if you do divorce, you have to reconcile yourself to the idea that you might be single for awhile.

Then again, you might not. Some of my friends moved on after divorce/kids, and some very quickly. Most of the ones who did have less custody than I do, though, so more time for dating. And some have family in the area, so they can go on dates without getting an unrelated sitter.