Turn taking skills and how to deal with obsessive and mean-spirited parents

[Anonymous]

I was at a library function recently, and there was a long line of kids waiting to pet a visiting animal. One child (probably about 5) kept cutting in line in front of the other children. I think his parent was off on his iphone, leaning against a wall. When the child cut in front of my kids, I said, very nicely, "I'm sorry, buddy, but they were waiting in line first" and directed my kids in front of him. When he did it again, to some other kids, another mom came up and said, again in a very nice tone, "Hey, let's let some other kids have a turn. You've already gone 3 times and some of the children haven't had one turn yet." and nicely directed the child to the back of the line. (I actually thought the woman was his mom, until she quietly said to me something like "I wonder where his parent is..."). Anyway, this is how reasonable sane adults deal with a child who is line-cutting.

And I'm even willing to give the iphone-surfing dad a break, because, hey, we're all human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this board turn so nasty?

Its always been this way when it comes to any remotely complicated problems with kids, unfortunatly.

This whole idea of a pouncing on a behavior as "bad kid" is not just mean, its creepy. It should be of great concern to us all. People who think like this exist everywhere, including our schools.

Is there such a thing as a "bad" kid? Well, its not a term I would use, but sure, there is such a thing as a kid who has really challenging problems. And we know that adult sociopaths _generally_ presented something at least off during their childhood.

SHORT OF THAT, for the love of God, I don't know why on earth people need to be so ready to judge so harshly and without empathy or regard for the true complexity of humans. We are talking about cutting in line. Really, seriously. That is what is being talked about. And the child reacted honestly. GOOD FOR HIM. People need to get a grip. Kids have so many things to teach us adults. This was a teachable moment, but the real person who needed the lesson, the overreacting MOM and everyone who thinks like her, aren't getting schooled.

I would say the learning experience is that some grown-ups are unfair, overreact, and yell. The proper response is to apologize, agree, leave, not yell back. It's not good for a five year old to yell back. That's never a helpful response and, in other circumstances, could get him in much worse trouble.

OP already addressed that she corrected her sons reaction. My point is that people on DCUM react to things in black and white labels and with these parenting absolutes. From OP's post it was clear she responded appropriately in every way and by anyone's standards parents properly. SHe was trying to get feedback on how to process the one thing she as a parent CANT control, which is overreacting and nasty people.

To that end, I stick by my assertion that although the kids response apparently doesn't pass your muster, it was an honest message to the overreacting mom, and as such it has INTRINSIC VALUE as something to think about, at least as much, and perhaps more, as does any topic regarding "appropriate behavior".

[Anonymous]

Let's hope there were some "trolling teens" on this board today because the gutter language and meanness of the posts here show there are some adults in real need of politeness training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Let's hope there were some "trolling teens" on this board today because the gutter language and meanness of the posts here show there are some adults in real need of politeness training.

Nope. PP was acting like a bitch. Saying that is just calling a spade, a spade.

[Anonymous]

a kid should never yell at an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a kid should never yell at an adult.

Even if an adult is acting like an asshole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a kid should never yell at an adult.

Even if an adult is acting like an asshole?

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a kid should never yell at an adult.

Even if an adult is acting like an asshole?

Yep.

+1. The woman sounds unhinged to go off like that to a small child especially after he apologized. Better not to engage with people with anger management issues. This is the type of person you read about who shoots someone over minor issues aka road rage.

[Anonymous]

Why did you wait so long to intervene? I would never let another adult yell at my kids. I wouldn't leave a 5 year old to defend himself against a reaction like that -- even though it sounds like your DC has the intelligence and wherewithal to handle it well.

Another kid raced ahead of my DC to get an ice cream sandwich sample that was being handed out at COSTCO. The kid's mom made him apologize to my DC, which was nice, and when she apologized to me too I said, "No big deal -- it could just as easily have been my kid doing it." Both of these kids are over 5. This is so not a big deal. It is part of the learning process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you run into situations like this often enough to need a strategy. I don't think I've ever encountered anything like this with any of my kids.

How many special needs kids do you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to think I have a polite kid most of the time. But there's one skill that my ASD 5 yr is lacking from time to time - taking turns. He does on occasion grab a toy or get in front of the line. Whenever I see it, I reprimand him and we go over again and again. We had a situation yesterday when my son cut in front of the line at an ice cream shop and was yelled at by another parent. Even when he apologized, she continued yelling. He stood there and then started yelling himself "do you like when people shout at you like THIS? IN YOUR FACE?" She then started calling him names and this is when I just couldn't take it and called her on her "excellent parenting skills" right in front of her children. Mind you, her children were much older than mine and they looked embarrassed for their mother. She stormed out of there cursing us, poor ice cream shop attendants kept apologizing to US for whatever reason.

So fellow SN parents, how do you deal with parents like that? And yes, DS was reprimanded for cutting in line and yelling because, unlike some people, we don't yell and speak calmly.

Sorry about the trolls on this thread, OP.

Sounds to me like you handled it fine with your kid; you can only help your child, you can't fix the kooky adults out there. Protect your child from damaging behavior by other adults, and keep working on those turn-taking skills. That other woman can't be your problem except during the moment that she is going off on your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for your son!! to advocate for himself like that at age 5 is amazing really. Even your 5 yr old knew her behavior was inappropriate.

You were far better composed than I would have been. Honestly I think I would have hauled off and punched her.

OP here: well, I really did want to punch her for all the name calling but then again, no none should their parents taken away in hand cuffs

I would have wanted to punch her, too. She's the one with major issues. Ooh- I'm so mad for your son and you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to think I have a polite kid most of the time. But there's one skill that my ASD 5 yr is lacking from time to time - taking turns. He does on occasion grab a toy or get in front of the line. Whenever I see it, I reprimand him and we go over again and again. We had a situation yesterday when my son cut in front of the line at an ice cream shop and was yelled at by another parent. Even when he apologized, she continued yelling. He stood there and then started yelling himself "do you like when people shout at you like THIS? IN YOUR FACE?" She then started calling him names and this is when I just couldn't take it and called her on her "excellent parenting skills" right in front of her children. Mind you, her children were much older than mine and they looked embarrassed for their mother. She stormed out of there cursing us, poor ice cream shop attendants kept apologizing to US for whatever reason.

So fellow SN parents, how do you deal with parents like that? And yes, DS was reprimanded for cutting in line and yelling because, unlike some people, we don't yell and speak calmly.

Meh, your kid acted like a jerk for saying that. Did he apologize and then go to the end of the line to begin with or did he just sorry in a bratty tone and stay in the front of the line? Where were you? At five, non-ASD kids will try and cut the line, you have to remind them there is a line and to wait in it.

Do you like when people yell in your face? Do you think that's very mature? I think the kid handled himself quite well, he stood up to a bully. Sure, cutting in line was bad, but he did apologize. Not a lot of adults can do that, let alone kids.

+1 I thought given that she continued to yell at him and call him names this was an excellent response. Kudos for your kid.

I thought it was verboten to yell at a five year old much less call him names.

[Anonymous]

OP, I admire your ability to hold back that long. I would have gone Jersey Shore on her. And good for your son, for sticking up for himself like that and calling her out on her bad behavior. Kids get excited over ice cream. Hell, so do I.

[Anonymous]

OP , that sucks but glad you stuck up for your kid.

I do want to say though that mean spiritedness goes both ways. When my ds was 2 he was playing with one of those activity boxes sat the doc's office. A 9 year old came to play and kept pushing my son and squeezing his hands. I couldn't take it anymore as the mom wouldn't intervene. I told the kid to stop pushing and grabbing and that my son was much younger. The mom suddenly stepped in and screamed that I needed to be more tolerant. She went on and on and it was really embarrassing. For her.