How do your in-laws or parents go about determining the length of a visit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is a week really that big of a deal?? That makes me sad. How often do people's parents/ILs visit?

OP, as far as them just booking it and then telling you, let them know after next week that they need to clear dates with you in advance. And then if they don't next time, make up an excuse about brain out of town for part of that time and force them to reschedule. Once it costs them money not to do it your way, they'll change!

My in-laws usually visit every 6-10 weeks. They normally stay anywhere from 4 to 10 days. They live across the country, so I could see them not wanting to spend 7 hours traveling (including to and from airport) each way including a three-hour time change, all only for just a two-day visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a week really that big of a deal?? That makes me sad. How often do people's parents/ILs visit?

OP, as far as them just booking it and then telling you, let them know after next week that they need to clear dates with you in advance. And then if they don't next time, make up an excuse about brain out of town for part of that time and force them to reschedule. Once it costs them money not to do it your way, they'll change!

My in-laws usually visit every 6-10 weeks. They normally stay anywhere from 4 to 10 days. They live across the country, so I could see them not wanting to spend 7 hours traveling (including to and from airport) each way including a three-hour time change, all only for just a two-day visit.

Do you like your in-laws? This arrangement would never fly in my house.

[Anonymous]

Our parents drive to see us and stay anywhere from 1 night to 1 week. They ask first how long before they come. If they are visiting for fun it's usually 1-3 nights. If they are helping with the baby it might be longer. Parents are all retired and 4-5 hour drive away, so we can always cut a visit short or extend a day if things come up. My in laws always stay a day less than I expect. My own parents, I have no qualms about saying "I appreciate everything you've done / having you around, but I think I need some space". And they don't get offended. They know Im an introvert.

[Anonymous]

The visa expires 6 months from the date of arrival. So that's how long they stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a week really that big of a deal?? That makes me sad. How often do people's parents/ILs visit?

OP, as far as them just booking it and then telling you, let them know after next week that they need to clear dates with you in advance. And then if they don't next time, make up an excuse about brain out of town for part of that time and force them to reschedule. Once it costs them money not to do it your way, they'll change!

My in-laws usually visit every 6-10 weeks. They normally stay anywhere from 4 to 10 days. They live across the country, so I could see them not wanting to spend 7 hours traveling (including to and from airport) each way including a three-hour time change, all only for just a two-day visit.

Do you like your in-laws? This arrangement would never fly in my house.

This is something that you kind of need to discuss when deciding where to live. If my DH told me that after we got married, my parents could only visit from CA twice a near, I'd think twice about marrying him. DH's family is from Asia and we did discuss the fact that his parents would stay with us from months on end every few years. When you marry someone who isn't local, this is something you need to be on the same page about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs live overseas. Their visit is usually several months long.

While it does increase some work for me - my mom and MIL are pretty good about picking up the slack around the house. I usually increase the frequency of the maid service to twice a week for the duration of the stay. My kids really enjoy having grandparents around, because they get doted on by all 4 of them.

I am sure when I was newly married I used to get stressed when people visited, but now I feel like an old hand.

However, they never come without discussing with us, when it would be convenient for them and for us to have them here.

lucky you! my mil expects everyone to wait on her hand and foot when she is in town. she has never lifted a finger to cook a meal or even initiate a take out order. she sits and everyone else around her is supposed to tend to her needs. she even gives my dh a shopping list for her visit. and you better believe she's not contributing a penny towards that or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this happened last year. We invited my inlaws for Thanksgiving. They arrived the Tuesday before and left the Monday after. Oy vey.

[Anonymous]

My parents are good about checking with us first, and will only do 3 nights at a time, anyway.

FIL is another story. Usually 5-7 nights, picked by him. But he will rent a car and doesn't expect us to wait on him. He'll also make a meal and buy a dinner out, at the very least. He is pleasant to be around but somehow manages to irritate me. He can be rather blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is a week really that big of a deal?? That makes me sad. How often do people's parents/ILs visit?

OP, as far as them just booking it and then telling you, let them know after next week that they need to clear dates with you in advance. And then if they don't next time, make up an excuse about brain out of town for part of that time and force them to reschedule. Once it costs them money not to do it your way, they'll change!

. How big is your house?

It is a big deal for us bc our house is so small.

[Anonymous]

Maybe be thankful that they care enough to come and see you. My parents are too busy with other activities to come see their grand kids more than a few days a year.

[Anonymous]

For those of you complaining that your parents don't pay for groceries or cook- did your parents not take care of you for nearly 20 years? My mom cooked, cleaned and paid for everything in my life for more than 20 years- I can certainly foot the bill for a few meals and spend some time with her when she comes to visit my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you complaining that your parents don't pay for groceries or cook- did your parents not take care of you for nearly 20 years? My mom cooked, cleaned and paid for everything in my life for more than 20 years- I can certainly foot the bill for a few meals and spend some time with her when she comes to visit my kids.

I did not complain about this, but I could have done so.

In my case, my ILs come. They make it their personal mission to eat everything in my house that is not nailed down and very quickly. I usually end up making at least 3 store trips during the week they visit, which frankly, I don't have the time to do since I work. I have never seen people eat like they do in my house and they certainly do not eat like that at their home and when we visit, we are lucky if there's a single apple around that we can eat. We always have to go shopping while we are there for ourselves. They do not have money problems. At home they mostly eat frozen lean cuisines. On their last 6 day visit they roughly ate: 2 pounds of deli meat, 18 eggs, 2 lbs of bacon, 44 K cups, 5 bags of chips, 2 cases of Coke, 2 gallons of milk, 14 bananas, 2 loaves of bread, 2 large containers of cottage cheese, 2 gallons of orange juice, 3 cartons of ice cream, 2 dozen cupcakes, more oranges and apples than I can remember, 3 blocks of cheese, a log of goat cheese, a package of priscuitto, a 2 lb container of strawberries and whatever I cooked for dinner and the leftovers would be gone even if I'd planned to serve those for another meal. They are not heavy people and I have no idea how they ate that much. All I know is that I would get home from work, go to cook dinner and find out that my ingredients were gone or that I had no fruit left to serve my toddler with her dinner.

They also leave a trail and mess behind them where ever they go. I simply cannot imagine going to someone's house, using 6 different glasses throughout the day each and then leaving them in the various rooms where I drank the beverage. That is above and beyond normal cleaning duties or what my parents did for me as a child. If I left glasses around (which wouldn't have happened as we were only allowed to eat and drink in the kitchen or dining room) my parents would have made me pick them up, then sent me to my room for not respecting their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you complaining that your parents don't pay for groceries or cook- did your parents not take care of you for nearly 20 years? My mom cooked, cleaned and paid for everything in my life for more than 20 years- I can certainly foot the bill for a few meals and spend some time with her when she comes to visit my kids.

parents take care of children because that is their job and what they signed up for. parents also (hopefully) want their children to grow, prosper, and have a better life than what they had. if you can help out your children, especially once they have their own families, why wouldn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you complaining that your parents don't pay for groceries or cook- did your parents not take care of you for nearly 20 years? My mom cooked, cleaned and paid for everything in my life for more than 20 years- I can certainly foot the bill for a few meals and spend some time with her when she comes to visit my kids.

I did not complain about this, but I could have done so.

In my case, my ILs come. They make it their personal mission to eat everything in my house that is not nailed down and very quickly. I usually end up making at least 3 store trips during the week they visit, which frankly, I don't have the time to do since I work. I have never seen people eat like they do in my house and they certainly do not eat like that at their home and when we visit, we are lucky if there's a single apple around that we can eat. We always have to go shopping while we are there for ourselves. They do not have money problems. At home they mostly eat frozen lean cuisines. On their last 6 day visit they roughly ate: 2 pounds of deli meat, 18 eggs, 2 lbs of bacon, 44 K cups, 5 bags of chips, 2 cases of Coke, 2 gallons of milk, 14 bananas, 2 loaves of bread, 2 large containers of cottage cheese, 2 gallons of orange juice, 3 cartons of ice cream, 2 dozen cupcakes, more oranges and apples than I can remember, 3 blocks of cheese, a log of goat cheese, a package of priscuitto, a 2 lb container of strawberries and whatever I cooked for dinner and the leftovers would be gone even if I'd planned to serve those for another meal. They are not heavy people and I have no idea how they ate that much. All I know is that I would get home from work, go to cook dinner and find out that my ingredients were gone or that I had no fruit left to serve my toddler with her dinner.

They also leave a trail and mess behind them where ever they go. I simply cannot imagine going to someone's house, using 6 different glasses throughout the day each and then leaving them in the various rooms where I drank the beverage. That is above and beyond normal cleaning duties or what my parents did for me as a child. If I left glasses around (which wouldn't have happened as we were only allowed to eat and drink in the kitchen or dining room) my parents would have made me pick them up, then sent me to my room for not respecting their house.

I find it kinda weird that you know how many bananas they consumed.

[Anonymous]

When my parents were alive they came and visited us for several months at a time. It was never an issue for us.

Now that they are gone, I am so glad that I had the pleasure of having them live with us. Now it is my in-laws who do the same thing and I welcome them with open arms.

I hope that in time to come my children will feel the same way.