Full time working mom with child in need of multiple interventions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is more concerned with her job than her kid.

Seriously? Seriously. Look, I carry our insurance, which is why I have to stay above 30h/week. Our family relies on a dual income scenario and we cannot afford to not pay the mortgage, our car payments, or save for retirement and college. I want to do what's right for all of us and cutting my hours is on the table, but it may not be the right choice.

If DH were a partner at a law firm and we owned a multimillion dollar house in Chevy Chase, perhaps things would be different, but we both have to work to maintain our middle class lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is more concerned with her job than her kid.

Why do we do this to each other? I'm sure this is difficult for you to believe, sitting on your high and mighty chair, but most of us moms (SAHM, WAHM, WOHM) are doing what we deem is in the best interest of our own respective families. We make difficult choices and make sacrifices and are hard enough on ourselves and shouldn't have to, on top of all that, endure bitchy moms like you passing extremely rude judgment. You don't know OP's circumstance or family dynamic. So, if you don't have anything nice to say or constructive to say, shut the fuck up. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD is 4.5 -- starts K a year from Sept. She is in full time center care right now. It's a good center with a strong curriculum and loving and aware teachers. She has had hypotonia issues since infancy and now auditory processing related issues as well as fine motor limitations are emerging.

I think the hypotonia and capd issues are the most significant, if I have to prioritize (and I will because insurance only covers 40 OT/PT a year). OT can be managed at home with a lot of hands on games and interactive play, with periodic check ins. The CAPD, however, is something she needs strong coping skills for.

We are in Fairfax Co and our child care center works with Child Find very, very well. They are close to Forest Edge and Aldrin, where many of the PreK services are coordinated.

She is a very strong visual learner and logical thinker, so it's a matter of helping the pieces come together in my opinion.

If you are only really looking at one year of intense therapy, I would go the FMLA route for you and your DH. DH job HAS to be flexible wrt FMLA. One day a week he can leave at 2:00pm and and do that day's therapy- which give you one day a week to work late.

Life isn't fair and having a special needs child reveals that over and over. One of the things is that there is more parental time required for a longer period of time than NT children and many of today's careers (especially in the DC area) are not accommodating to that dynamic. Another is that it special therapies cost more too. Another is that one parent (or both) frequently tends to have to curtail work (reducing hours, going part time or quitting altogether) and that adds even more cost. Something has to give. It can be going to a bare bones budget where retirement and college savings are used to help pay in the interim. Often times college will not be an option unless more is done now and that costs money. Another is to borrow money or time from relatives. It can mean down sizing to a much smaller house or apartment to afford the better school or a sahp. Others move out of the area entirely. It really depends.

Your posts are giving off a feeling that what you need to do is transient and that you don't want it to affect your life negatively in any way shape or form- I am sure that that is not what you intended, but that may explain some of the more negative responses. I am sorry that you have been the recipient of those.

I would also say not to rely on the school to provide the OT/PT you think she will need and to assume those costs and time constraints will continue for several years after she enters kindergarten. IME and many on here, they provide a very minimum level of support. We supplemented the school's therapies with private the entire time. When the school does an assessment, they look at "average" and average can be at the 25th percentile or the 16th depending on the measure.

Good luck and I hope you find the schedule that works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD is 4.5 -- starts K a year from Sept. She is in full time center care right now. It's a good center with a strong curriculum and loving and aware teachers. She has had hypotonia issues since infancy and now auditory processing related issues as well as fine motor limitations are emerging.

I think the hypotonia and capd issues are the most significant, if I have to prioritize (and I will because insurance only covers 40 OT/PT a year). OT can be managed at home with a lot of hands on games and interactive play, with periodic check ins. The CAPD, however, is something she needs strong coping skills for.

We are in Fairfax Co and our child care center works with Child Find very, very well. They are close to Forest Edge and Aldrin, where many of the PreK services are coordinated.

She is a very strong visual learner and logical thinker, so it's a matter of helping the pieces come together in my opinion.

Does your child care center allow therapists to go to the center and do therapies there?
Or can you enroll her in a program through Fairfax so that services are a part of her daily day? I would try and advocate for placement if I could and that way you have the flexability to take your personal time to enjoy your time together as opposed to consuming it all just to get through therapy sessions.

There is no magic answer.

[Anonymous]

OP, what exactly are you looking for? I am surprised that you have gone this long when you know you child needs more and haven't gotten it when your insurance will comer some. You aren't willing to change your or your husband's work so the only options are either family step in or hire a nanny. Sorry, no empathy on the oh, we have car payments. We drive 10 and 15 year old cars and manage in a small house clipping coupons to make it work. Its a sacrifice but we still manage to save a little for retirement and college and both realize these early years are the most important, especially when it comes to early intervention.

If you are looking for someone to say forgo therapy, in that case, its a choice you can only make. If you are looking for someone to say quit, that is a choice only you can make (but you aren't willing).

For us, we do 4 day a week speech therapy, once a week OT and PT. We supplement with sports/gymnastics for the gross motor. I spend my days running from appointment to appointment. For us, the only choice is for me to stay home as by the time they take out taxes, social security and all the extra's, we would barely cover a nanny's salary so what is the point of that?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Your posts seem really scattered. Is this a new diagnosis? I also don't understand what you mean by you could work 32 hours but would "have" to work 40. If scaling back on your hours isn't feasible then hire someone to take your kid to appointments and/or find therapists who will go to the day care.

If you find a caregiver, they don't need to be proficient in English. They just need to be reliable, prompt, a good driver and kind to your child. Just have the therapist email you an update instead of taking the time after the appointment.

It's not unusual to need OT, ST, and PT. It's also not unusual for visits to be capped for the year. But even if it's 40 visits that's pretty good. You'll probably need weeks off for holidays etc. You also may end up doing therapeutic camps during the summer.

[Anonymous]

My posts are scattered because I'm still reeling from the diagnosis. We thought she was on track for everything but the hypotonia and I'm doing a lot of self blaming about not having seen it earlier. Her private therapist suggested the OT eval, which I never ever would have expected.

I really do appreciate the empathy I am getting from some of you while we try to piece it together. So here is the deal. I have the kind of job/career in a specialized field where there is a very limited number of employers. Colleagues in my exact role who have gone PT for similar reasons end up working a full 40 hour week despite only being on the books for 30 and taking the pay cut. There are very real dangers of being sidelined and therefore the first on the chopping block. DH is a contractor with a crappy Beltway bandit so my benefits are way bigger at my 3000+ employee multinational.

I am frustrated by the negative responses because I'm trying to sort out my emotions and the practicalities at the same time and it is hard as hell.

PP what you said about college being out of reach without early intervention is so true. Bottom line is that like all parents I want her to be happy and successful and I want to do what I can to make that possible -- OT, PT, ST and any saving that needs to be done.

Financially we are are actually facing both of our 15yo cars shitting the bed this year, so yeah. That's just another reality.

We both have (non-retired) family in the area who can pitch in when emergencies arise but we are really

[Anonymous]

...on our own day to day.

It sounds like I should look for a nanny in order to make this work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is more concerned with her job than her kid.

Seriously? Seriously. Look, I carry our insurance, which is why I have to stay above 30h/week. Our family relies on a dual income scenario and we cannot afford to not pay the mortgage, our car payments, or save for retirement and college. I want to do what's right for all of us and cutting my hours is on the table, but it may not be the right choice.

If DH were a partner at a law firm and we owned a multimillion dollar house in Chevy Chase, perhaps things would be different, but we both have to work to maintain our middle class lifestyle.

OP, if you make this much money, you should at least know the definition of "middle class." You ain't it:
"Median household income was $51,017 in 2012, according to the most recent U.S. census data..."

[Anonymous]

When DS was in preschool we were able to find private ST and OT who would come to his preschool and work with him there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DS was in preschool we were able to find private ST and OT who would come to his preschool and work with him there.

Also we found multiple OT places that do weekend sessions. You might have to get on waiting lists but it can be done, eventually. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is more concerned with her job than her kid.

Seriously? Seriously. Look, I carry our insurance, which is why I have to stay above 30h/week. Our family relies on a dual income scenario and we cannot afford to not pay the mortgage, our car payments, or save for retirement and college. I want to do what's right for all of us and cutting my hours is on the table, but it may not be the right choice.

If DH were a partner at a law firm and we owned a multimillion dollar house in Chevy Chase, perhaps things would be different, but we both have to work to maintain our middle class lifestyle.

OP, if you make this much money, you should at least know the definition of "middle class." You ain't it:
"Median household income was $51,017 in 2012, according to the most recent U.S. census data..."

Why don't you learn to read and shut the fuck up while you're at it? OP said she and her DH have 15-year old cars and if they owned a house in Chevy Chase yada yada...
OP, just ignore the judgmental pricks. Most of us (even the SAHMs like me) realize that there is no one solution that's right for everybody. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

First of all, breathe. You have to remember to breathe.

I didn't say what your DC's diagnosis is, but regardless of what the DX is, you might want to take a look at the 100 Day Kit that Autism Speaks puts out. It has a lot of guidance on how to deal with a new DX that is pretty devastating and how to take on the decision making process.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/100-day-kit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My posts are scattered because I'm still reeling from the diagnosis. We thought she was on track for everything but the hypotonia and I'm doing a lot of self blaming about not having seen it earlier. Her private therapist suggested the OT eval, which I never ever would have expected.

I really do appreciate the empathy I am getting from some of you while we try to piece it together. So here is the deal. I have the kind of job/career in a specialized field where there is a very limited number of employers. Colleagues in my exact role who have gone PT for similar reasons end up working a full 40 hour week despite only being on the books for 30 and taking the pay cut. There are very real dangers of being sidelined and therefore the first on the chopping block. DH is a contractor with a crappy Beltway bandit so my benefits are way bigger at my 3000+ employee multinational.

I am frustrated by the negative responses because I'm trying to sort out my emotions and the practicalities at the same time and it is hard as hell.

PP what you said about college being out of reach without early intervention is so true. Bottom line is that like all parents I want her to be happy and successful and I want to do what I can to make that possible -- OT, PT, ST and any saving that needs to be done.

Financially we are are actually facing both of our 15yo cars shitting the bed this year, so yeah. That's just another reality.

We both have (non-retired) family in the area who can pitch in when emergencies arise but we are really

OP, I'm sorry you've gotten such nasty replies. Does your daughter qualify for any free services? We're in Montgomery County and it was a huge blessing to get a year of PT for our son via the infants and toddlers program. It does sound like a nanny might be the best option so you have one person attending and reporting back to you on all of your daughter's sessions. Does her private therapist have any suggestions for you on resources? What about her ped? I'm just wondering if her multiple needs might make some sort of a therapeutic preschool an option and allow her to get multiple services under one roof. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP I would have my husband quit his job and be the one to take care of that. Working is a luxury at this point, your kid needs your help. Make your kid a priority.

We went through this and my ds's needs weren't that severe. I quit for years and went back part time when he went to grade six.