Can I ask a grandparent to change what they call my child?

[Anonymous]

I have a grown friend whose grandmother didn't approve of the name her parents gave her. Grandma chose a whole different name, and called her the "new" name, always. Think like having a grandkid named "Jody," and calling her "Catherine" instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

Your in laws are asshats and need to be put in their place--it's only going to get worse. But, this is different than OP's situation where she initially condoned the nickname only to later change her mind after her parents began to think of the kid as the nickname.

You can do what you want OP, but, don't be surprised if your parents are taken aback or annoyed if you dictate a name change now. I knew a woman that introduced her kid as "Sam" for the first four years of his life before suddenly insisting that everyone call the child "Samuel." It was really off-putting mostly because she would become very annoyed and shoot you a dirty look if you accidentally called the kid Sam. It make me think she was a bit cookoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

Your in laws are asshats and need to be put in their place--it's only going to get worse. But, this is different than OP's situation where she initially condoned the nickname only to later change her mind after her parents began to think of the kid as the nickname.

You can do what you want OP, but, don't be surprised if your parents are taken aback or annoyed if you dictate a name change now. I knew a woman that introduced her kid as "Sam" for the first four years of his life before suddenly insisting that everyone call the child "Samuel." It was really off-putting mostly because she would become very annoyed and shoot you a dirty look if you accidentally called the kid Sam. It make me think she was a bit cookoo.

Oh they are "Tim" thing is so minor in comparison with everything else they subject me to that I tent to forget about it.

[Anonymous]

You did agree to let them call him whatever, so I think for now you have to let it go. If he has an opinion at some point you can enforce it then. My DH is a "Timothy" who haaaates all the variations of his name, and people take it upon themselves all the time to use the shortened versions.

[Anonymous]

It won't be long until it's your son's decision what to go by. Friends who were determined their son would never be called Tim and would always be Timothy, now have a son Tim by his choice.

[Anonymous]

The peanut gallery has spoken! "Let it go" wins! (And I agree. We all get nicknames... grandparents call their children how they like, aunties and uncles how they like. And if they have a good, warm, loving relationship with your kid, your kid will associate their "special" name for him with happiness and love. So all that is VERY GOOD.)

[Anonymous]

We told our parents. We named our daughter Melissa. My mom asked while I was still in the hospital if she could call her Missy, and I said yes. A few months later DH said to me that Missy really wasn't working for him. I called my mom and told her we've decided we don't like the name Missy and would like for her to please call DD Melissa. She forgo a few times at first, but kept correcting herself and wasn't offended at all that we asked her to change the name.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Our kid shortened his name on his own when he started K "because it was faster to write." You gave your kid a name, but he will choose what people call him. And everyone else will call them what they want unless corrected. Don't correct Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cool to have the grandparents call him something that's their own.

I agree. If he starts trying to use Tim himself, and you don't want him to, you can steer him away from it and explain that it's Grandma and Grandpa's special name for him. I agree with the PP who said that to your parents, your son is "Tim" and it would be hard and sad for them to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cool to have the grandparents call him something that's their own.

+1

My grandparents had a special nickname for me and I loved it. My husband thinks it is cute an sometimes calls me that, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

You should never ever have done this. You can't control what nickname they are given when they're older. My older son has a name that can be nicknamed - I much prefer the full name but acknowledge and am ok with the fact that he may end up being called by the nickname. We didn't use our favorite name for the younger son because we hate the nickname and knew we couldn't control it to the extent we'd want to so we went with a non-nicknameable choice.

Well I learned my lesson.

Lol, you are a good sport. I am not sure what the point of PP reading you a lecture is, you can't change any of this now. What a bore.

[Anonymous]

If he's two, how do you know he doesn't prefer being called Tim over Timothy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a grown friend whose grandmother didn't approve of the name her parents gave her. Grandma chose a whole different name, and called her the "new" name, always. Think like having a grandkid named "Jody," and calling her "Catherine" instead.

Off-topic, but my aunt does this to my grandmother. As in, grandma's name is Jody, but aunt (her daughter) refers to her as Grandma Catherine and has raised my cousins to do so also. It's bizarre. Catherine is not a middle name or have any rational source that I know of.

Anyway, to OP -- DH and I deliberately chose a name with a nickname we liked, and told everyone what that nickname was. Unexpectedly, I and my whole side of the family use the full name, while DH and his whole side of the family use the nickname. Our toddler responds to both and I assume will pick one (or something different) once in school. Even though I like the nickname and told everyone they could use it, for some reason it grates when I hear my ILs use it. I think it's not the nickname, it's the speaker. But I sympathize with you nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

The other mom who posted about her MIL using a completely different name? Wow! Shut that shit down, indeed! I would also say "You've made it clear you don't like Tim's name. Let me make this clear: Tim is his name. Please use it." And if they don't? Guess who sees less of you.

OP, this is your parents, right? Just have a conversation about it. Just say mom, you'll never believe this, or maybe you will, but remember when Timmy was first born, I said I didn't care about nick names? Well, the older he gets, the more I've started to not like the nickname "timmy. I think I made a mistake when I said I don't care if people call him Timmy. It turns out I do - I just love his name and really wish people would start using Timothy. I know this might seem crazy. Would you consider humoring me on this one?"

I don't say this because I think "you are right" or it's "your way or the highway" etc. I think you probably made a mistake and your parents, who love you enough to have asked in the first place, probably care about you enough to at least consider it. Of course, you may have to be prepared for them to say "well, gee, he's kind of really become Timmy to us" and then let it go. But maybe you'll feel better just having cleared the air, even if they don't want to change what they call him.

I think part of this would also probably depend, were it me, on how often your parents see Timothy. If it's daily or weekly, then it's definitely worth mentioning. Once a quarter or less? Definitely let it go because it won't stick.

BTW, my MIL uses my kids full names, but I've posted before that she SERIOUSLY wanted her grandmother name to be "daddy-mama." It was not a joke. And also, I call myself (and my kids call me) Mama, and she used to go out of her way to refer to me as "Mommy" instead - mommy has just always grated on me. I confess I made my husband to ask her to stop. That made me feel so so so ridiculous but 10 years later and I'm still glad I put a nix on it. (When I say went out of her way, I mean like DD would say where's mama and she'd say "you mean, where's mommy? She's over there. Oh I just think its' so CUTE when they say mommy..." Knowing that I call myself mama. But, it's crazy that it bothered me as much as it did. (Still glad i nixed it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were right the first time. Let it go. It's not a big deal.

They are going to call him the nicknames if the name in elem school. Trust me. It happens to all boys' names.