Can I ask a grandparent to change what they call my child?

[Anonymous]

Tread lightly. It's understandable you're annoyed, but this is very unlikely to be worth causing a fuss. Let DS correct them himself if and when *he* cares. Until then, you keep calling him Timothy in all interactions with them, and you don't react when they call him Tim.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Honest question: why does it bug you? Different people will have different nicknames for your kids throughout their lives. I look back in fondness at some of mine, and recall the special relationships I had with the people who called me different things out of affection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

Why does this bug you more and more? That's the key question.

NP, but my MIL has flat out says she hates the nickname we're using for our three week old "Timothy" and calls him what she likes, even though we correct her each time. "No, I don't like that name. I'm not calling him that." For her it's a power thing, and one I'm sick of dealing with (clearly this is not the first instance of her trying to make a situation into something else). Maybe there are some similar dynamics at play with OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: why does it bug you? Different people will have different nicknames for your kids throughout their lives. I look back in fondness at some of mine, and recall the special relationships I had with the people who called me different things out of affection.

NP. I guess when your child is still a toddler you have so much invested in their identity. They're still so new and so someone calling them something that you don't see as their name, esp. from family, can be a minor annoyance. Sure, by the time OP's son is on school he will probably have a nickname and use it, but right now he's 2 and his parents are still attached to the name they carefully picked out for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:totally disagree with the let it go camp.

This thing should have been nipped in the bud very early. I did it with both my kids. Our last name ends in a y so when they added the long-e sound to my children's names, I just said stop. Don't call her Larlee. Her name is Larla. Don't call HIM Larlee, his name is Larlo.

You sound pretty neurotic.
And OMG enough with the Larla thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

Why does this bug you more and more? That's the key question.

NP, but my MIL has flat out says she hates the nickname we're using for our three week old "Timothy" and calls him what she likes, even though we correct her each time. "No, I don't like that name. I'm not calling him that." For her it's a power thing, and one I'm sick of dealing with (clearly this is not the first instance of her trying to make a situation into something else). Maybe there are some similar dynamics at play with OP?

I would have the direct conversation, "I hear you each time telling me you don't like the name, but that IS his name, Mom. And frankly I find it insulting that the name we picked out for him is considered not good enough to use. I need to know right now, is this the choice you are making about his name?"

Shut that sh*t down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

You should never ever have done this. You can't control what nickname they are given when they're older. My older son has a name that can be nicknamed - I much prefer the full name but acknowledge and am ok with the fact that he may end up being called by the nickname. We didn't use our favorite name for the younger son because we hate the nickname and knew we couldn't control it to the extent we'd want to so we went with a non-nicknameable choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: why does it bug you? Different people will have different nicknames for your kids throughout their lives. I look back in fondness at some of mine, and recall the special relationships I had with the people who called me different things out of affection.

NP. I guess when your child is still a toddler you have so much invested in their identity. They're still so new and so someone calling them something that you don't see as their name, esp. from family, can be a minor annoyance. Sure, by the time OP's son is on school he will probably have a nickname and use it, but right now he's 2 and his parents are still attached to the name they carefully picked out for him.

Thanks. I don't agree with it, but your post made me see why others really care. (I find this clarity very rare on here, so it's a genuine thank you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

Why does this bug you more and more? That's the key question.

NP, but my MIL has flat out says she hates the nickname we're using for our three week old "Timothy" and calls him what she likes, even though we correct her each time. "No, I don't like that name. I'm not calling him that." For her it's a power thing, and one I'm sick of dealing with (clearly this is not the first instance of her trying to make a situation into something else). Maybe there are some similar dynamics at play with OP?

I would have the direct conversation, "I hear you each time telling me you don't like the name, but that IS his name, Mom. And frankly I find it insulting that the name we picked out for him is considered not good enough to use. I need to know right now, is this the choice you are making about his name?"

Shut that sh*t down.

^OK, reread and see that you're talking about a nickname and not a first name. That does change it for me a bit. I would still point out that you and DH will continue to use the nickname and you'd rather she not make such a fuss out of not liking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

Why does this bug you more and more? That's the key question.

NP, but my MIL has flat out says she hates the nickname we're using for our three week old "Timothy" and calls him what she likes, even though we correct her each time. "No, I don't like that name. I'm not calling him that." For her it's a power thing, and one I'm sick of dealing with (clearly this is not the first instance of her trying to make a situation into something else). Maybe there are some similar dynamics at play with OP?

She wants to make it a power thing? Dude, channel your inner Momma bear and show her who has the power. Anytime she uses the nickname, get a blank look on your face. "Who? I don't know anyone named X in this house." "You want to hold whom? Huh, I don't know what you're talking about." And go to another room. "You want to come visit whom? Hmm, nope, no one by that name here! Talk to you later!"

Be polite and consistent. If she blows up, it makes her look bad. And then you just calmly say, "As you know, his name is Y."

And seriously, any one who stoops to that level of stubbornness when a baby is three weeks old doesn't deserve much if any of your time and attention. You indicate this is normal behavior for her. Let her be DH's problem. Maybe then she'll learn to play nice, and if she doesn't, well, she's not your problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We have a similar problem. My husband wanted to name DC Timothy, I agreed under condition that he won't be nicknamed Tim (can't stand the nickname). DH agreed and asked his family to call DC Timothy only explaining the reasons for that. They refuse! They use Tim all the time and told me it's my problem that I don't like it as they don't like Timothy. I did let it go after that but it still makes me sad.

You should never ever have done this. You can't control what nickname they are given when they're older. My older son has a name that can be nicknamed - I much prefer the full name but acknowledge and am ok with the fact that he may end up being called by the nickname. We didn't use our favorite name for the younger son because we hate the nickname and knew we couldn't control it to the extent we'd want to so we went with a non-nicknameable choice.

Well I learned my lesson.

[Anonymous]

Is it obvious to them or just to you? My ILs do not ever see my kids outside of family events so they wouldn't know that everyone at school, sports, scouts, etc. wouldn't use the nicknames that seem obvious based on their names. It also depends on the name itself. Timothy/Tim, Daniel/Dan are logically shortened names and ones that often are used by other later in life anyway. My nephew is Daniel to all of us but his high school buddies only call him Dan. James/Jimmy is different though and to a child could seem like totally different names.

Perhaps you just need to point it out to them. "Gee, we really thought most people would want to shorten Gabriel to Gabe but so far almost all seem to call him Gabriel. At some point he may correct you so I just wanted to make you aware that the nickname really hasn't stuck."

Overall it wouldn't bug me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cool to have the grandparents call him something that's their own.

+1

It's not like they've totally disregarded his name or taken up something vulgar, like Buttface, instead. A shortened version of his name is fine.

[Anonymous]

One of the criteria for name choosing should be that you don't dislike any of the common nicknames associated with it.