Can I ask a grandparent to change what they call my child?

[Anonymous]

I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

[Anonymous]

You were right the first time. Let it go. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain this falls into the "let it go" category, but we gave my child a name that is commonly nicknamed (think Timothy). In the first days of life my mom asked what she should call him, I said "whatever you want" as my husband and I were still sorting it out ourselves. Rather quickly DS became "Timothy" and not "Tim" or "Timmy" to us and everyone else. My parents have remained steadfast in their usage of "Tim", even though its obvious they are the only ones that use that name. I've debated before whether or not to say anything to them, but as time passes it bugs me more and more. DS is 2, not yet old enough to have an opinion or to tell them "my name is Timothy."

I suppose the generic answer would be "depends on your relationship with your parents," but I'm curious as to what others think. I realize all this may change (or not) as he enters school in a couple of years, but that seems like a long time to put up with it.

Why does this bug you more and more? That's the key question.

[Anonymous]

If you let them call your son by a name for two years already, it's going to be pretty hurtful if you tell them to stop. It's how they think of him and who he is to them. And, they are going to wonder why you wouldn't have said something sooner. Plus, as you've already probably figured out, once he starts school, his name will be what other kids call him and you won't have control over that. My family is one that uses all formal names and no nicknames ever. Imagine my surprise that every one of my kids has had a nickname since preschool. Even their teachers used the nicknames, which to this day, I have never adopted. I'm in the let it go camp.

[Anonymous]

Coming from a family where at any point you could be forever donned with a nickname that may have nothing to do with the actual name, let it go! Especially since your initial answer was "whatever they want."

It may end up being a sweet thing between grandparent and grandchild.

[Anonymous]

My parents do this, too. I haven't said anything.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think it's kind of cool that the grandparents have a "special" name for Timothy. I'd let it go, and try to like "Tim," especially since your little guy is likely to start calling himself that once he gets older!

That said, if you really hate it, nip it in the bud right now, or it's too late. I'm 40, and my extended family still calls me by a nickname that one of my aunts started when I was a toddler! My parents didn't like it, but let it slide, and that was the end of that.

[Anonymous]

"Mom, he pretty must just goes by Timothy these days. We weren't sure about nicknames or not when he was first born, but we've come to really like using his full first name, and I hope you might consider doing the same."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, he pretty must just goes by Timothy these days. We weren't sure about nicknames or not when he was first born, but we've come to really like using his full first name, and I hope you might consider doing the same."

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it's cool to have the grandparents call him something that's their own.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It's fine for a person to have different nicknames from different people. You told your parents they could call him whatever they wanted, and they took you at your word. They aren't calling him Tim to irritate you; they're calling him Tim because they've been calling him that for two years. I don't know why it bugs you, but I think you need to get over that. When he starts school, you won't have any control over what other people call him. When he gets older, if he doesn't like it, he can ask them to call him Timothy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cool to have the grandparents call him something that's their own.

+1 You are missing the point, OP. This is their special nickname for him. What's wrong with that? Are you so insecure in your choices that this threatens you in some way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, he pretty must just goes by Timothy these days. We weren't sure about nicknames or not when he was first born, but we've come to really like using his full first name, and I hope you might consider doing the same."

+1

+2, although it may be an ingrained habit by now. I've probably read too many of the name threads on the Expectant Moms forum, but I'm really surprised anyone would ever say call him whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

totally disagree with the let it go camp.

This thing should have been nipped in the bud very early. I did it with both my kids. Our last name ends in a y so when they added the long-e sound to my children's names, I just said stop. Don't call her Larlee. Her name is Larla. Don't call HIM Larlee, his name is Larlo.

[Anonymous]

Correct her if it bothers you.