"I think I'm losing my friends".

[Anonymous]

Can he swim? The lifeguard certification is a good idea. Also you need to send him to the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he swim? The lifeguard certification is a good idea. Also you need to send him to the gym.

+1

Would get him out of the house, keep him fit, give him an accomplishment and a respected position of leadership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The update does sound like his friends are outgrowing him. That hurts - but it's not the end of the world. Just be there for him, encourage him to keep trying if he wants to...but also encourage him to do things HE enjoys and is interested in so he can meet like minded people. It is normal and all natural that people we meet also part ways. Some friends stay with us for a very long time, some until we die, but many, many, many friends stay with us for a few years and then move on. And we find new friends. That's life. If this is the first time this is happening to him (which it sounds like), it is especially hard. But once he does meet new people who share his interests and actually WANT to be friends with him he will understand that it is okay. Even when it hurts.

I've tried to explain to him that this is normal and a part of growing up. I'm even trying to get him to see things from their perspective. Everything I say or do seems to upset him even more. I'm going to look into getting him into some fun summer activities for teens so that he can make new friends and not spend so much time and energy on his old friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for you son, OP, but this sort of thing happens all the time and happens all your life (like when your friends have kids before you do or marry after you do) Still, it hurts. All you can do is remind him what a great kid he is and help him get involved in the things that interest him. Tell him to be kind to his old friends - by the time they all get to college they will be friends again.

[Anonymous]

15-16 is the age where some people start dating and that is ALL that matters to them. So like you said -- they'll go out with friends but be texting their gf/bf the whole time and then ditch their friends if their gf/bf can show up.

BUT not all teens are like this and in fact many prefer the "group dating" -- i.e. just hanging out -- with friends along with a significant other rather than going out to dinner/movie with their gf/bf.

Few thoughts -- how outgoing is he? Are there kids from school that he liked/wanted to get to know better but just didn't for some reason -- likely because his own social group wasn't ignoring him back then? Can you reach out to a few of those people casually via social media? It doesn't have to be anything more than -- how's your summer going, what are you up to, want to grab pizza sometime, do you think Mike/John/some 3rd or 4th kid who is in town not doing much would want to come?

With social media I feel like kids have gotten a lot more "bold" in asking other kids to hang out -- even if they weren't close at school. That may feel like more normal friendship to him than suddenly signing up for camps and lego teams hoping to make friends; what happens in those "artificial" groups is that you likely do the activity and leave. Sometimes you may click with a person or two but after that activity ends you may or may not hang out again, esp if that person has a full social life in his own school district and it would be odd to invite you when he's hanging out with friends from that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry for you son, OP, but this sort of thing happens all the time and happens all your life (like when your friends have kids before you do or marry after you do) Still, it hurts. All you can do is remind him what a great kid he is and help him get involved in the things that interest him. Tell him to be kind to his old friends - by the time they all get to college they will be friends again.

I do agree with your advice re being kind but the fact that they'll be friends again by college/in college is totally untrue. 2-3 yrs is a long time at this age and you have no idea what these guys will be into by then. They may be even more girl crazy or hanging out basically with their girlfriends' friends or whatever. So you can't count on "oh when the newness of dating wears off, we'll be buddies again." Maybe they will -- which is why it's important to be kind. But OP's son can't sit around waiting for that to happen -- he has to develop a different social group on his own for right now. Maybe the 2 groups merge at some point or maybe they don't.

[Anonymous]

Your kid should be a counselor at somewhere like TIC Camp, or he should be doing a robotics program at AU or other location. There are tons of activities that he would likely enjoy and places with like-minded kids. You can help him find them, but he probably knows how to use Google better than you do.

But as others have said, he needs to take the initiative and own this part of his life. His friends are outgrowing him. He can make it known that he is there for them as a friend, but clearly with girlfriends etc. they are in a different place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When this happened to my DS I later found out the friends were starting to use pot. Unfortunately, six months later he started hanging out with them.

Oh no! I hope this isn't the case.

This happened to me around the same age in high school, except my friends ditched me to drink booze. I found new friends though. Other PPs are offering good advice, have him get a job, learn a skill, do something fun. He'll make new friends.

What did you do in order to make new friends?

I don't think this will be helpful, but I consciously decided to be friends with people who were nicer than the old group of friends. These were people who I'd known, but not hung out with before, and somehow just started meeting up at the mall or going to the pool. It may have been more chance than anything, but maybe that's promising for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When this happened to my DS I later found out the friends were starting to use pot. Unfortunately, six months later he started hanging out with them.

Oh no! I hope this isn't the case.

This happened to me around the same age in high school, except my friends ditched me to drink booze. I found new friends though. Other PPs are offering good advice, have him get a job, learn a skill, do something fun. He'll make new friends.

What did you do in order to make new friends?

I don't think this will be helpful, but I consciously decided to be friends with people who were nicer than the old group of friends. These were people who I'd known, but not hung out with before, and somehow just started meeting up at the mall or going to the pool. It may have been more chance than anything, but maybe that's promising for your son.

+1. I'm the PP above who said he needs to start hanging out with kids that he knows but hasn't hung out with before; it'll open up new sources of friendship.

[Anonymous]

To 19:15, I like the idea of using social media to reach out to other kids he knows. He tends to be more on the shy side (another thing that's opposite of his old friends), so I'm not sure if he would be willing to try this. I'll suggest that to him.

[Anonymous]

Don't go the social media route. What it really does is turn him into some weirdo stalker. His now friends will notice that he asks them out there instead of in real life and they WILL find it strange. It's also much easier to just ignore or decline a virtual invite, than being mean or negative face-to-face...I don't think that route is a good idea at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go the social media route. What it really does is turn him into some weirdo stalker. His now friends will notice that he asks them out there instead of in real life and they WILL find it strange. It's also much easier to just ignore or decline a virtual invite, than being mean or negative face-to-face...I don't think that route is a good idea at all.

This method would be to reach out to kids he knows, but hasn't really hung out with them. You really think that would give him a weirdo stalker vibe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go the social media route. What it really does is turn him into some weirdo stalker. His now friends will notice that he asks them out there instead of in real life and they WILL find it strange. It's also much easier to just ignore or decline a virtual invite, than being mean or negative face-to-face...I don't think that route is a good idea at all.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that he is gay? Just a thought. Trying to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that he is gay? Just a thought. Trying to be helpful.

Why would you say that? Because he's not into dating?