Controlling behavior around food

[Anonymous]

At recent family event, one adult was extolling the virtues of a new superfood (guess which one). (Not pushing, but definately doing a monologue).

His brother-in-law (from a rural area) said, "Oh yeah. We grew that on the farm. Used it to fatten the animals before we slaughtered them."

Nearly dropped my drink (which was not a smoothie made of superfood)

[Anonymous]

"Sorrowful" looks from the cook wouldn't really bother me. Just pretend you don't notice them and fix/eat what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At recent family event, one adult was extolling the virtues of a new superfood (guess which one). (Not pushing, but definately doing a monologue).

His brother-in-law (from a rural area) said, "Oh yeah. We grew that on the farm. Used it to fatten the animals before we slaughtered them."

Nearly dropped my drink (which was not a smoothie made of superfood)

Funny! I love how people with farming backgrounds can just deflate an obnoxious foodie in an instant.

But come on! Tell us which superfood! Acai? Goji? Alfalfa??! I am so curious!!

[Anonymous]

Just show up with your bottle of Soylent-it's the future:

http://fourhourworkweek.com/2013/08/20/soylent/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Can anyone commiserate or share thoughts on how to cope with the behavior? It becomes very frustrating to deal with and I cannot fathom how another adult could care so much about what I choose to eat.

I'm pretty much like your family member the bananas-foster-pusher, so I'll offer you some of my perspective:

-- eating and meals are a major source of emotional sustenance and coping for me. Imagine a diabetic having to be pretty particular about what they eat and when, only for me it's not my blood sugar, it's my mood that could get out of whack.

-- because I'm particular, it's hard for other people to meet my standards. Plus, people, a lot of you are disgusting in the kitchen. You cross-contaminate everything, you don't wash your hands, it horrifies me. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if they cook something and I tell them their food sucks and I won't be eating it. So, I sort of take it on myself to offer to cook for all as a prophylactic solution. It's not so much that I care about what you eat, I just care about what I eat and I don't want to have to confront you by refusing to eat the food you are offering me or by following you around with the bleach spray.

-- because I'm offering to cook all the meals for everyone, I expect people to turn me down in advance if they aren't interested, because it is a lot of work. I can see it being aggravating if your family member planned a menu for the week and then people would occasionally do their own thing or consume some things that were supposed to go with other things. Please work with her in advance so that her expectations (and grocery list) can match the ultimate reality.

Maybe none of this applies to your family member, but I wanted to at least offer some plausible explanations for such control around meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Can anyone commiserate or share thoughts on how to cope with the behavior? It becomes very frustrating to deal with and I cannot fathom how another adult could care so much about what I choose to eat.

I'm pretty much like your family member the bananas-foster-pusher, so I'll offer you some of my perspective:

-- eating and meals are a major source of emotional sustenance and coping for me. Imagine a diabetic having to be pretty particular about what they eat and when, only for me it's not my blood sugar, it's my mood that could get out of whack.

-- because I'm particular, it's hard for other people to meet my standards. Plus, people, a lot of you are disgusting in the kitchen. You cross-contaminate everything, you don't wash your hands, it horrifies me. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if they cook something and I tell them their food sucks and I won't be eating it. So, I sort of take it on myself to offer to cook for all as a prophylactic solution. It's not so much that I care about what you eat, I just care about what I eat and I don't want to have to confront you by refusing to eat the food you are offering me or by following you around with the bleach spray.

-- because I'm offering to cook all the meals for everyone, I expect people to turn me down in advance if they aren't interested, because it is a lot of work. I can see it being aggravating if your family member planned a menu for the week and then people would occasionally do their own thing or consume some things that were supposed to go with other things. Please work with her in advance so that her expectations (and grocery list) can match the ultimate reality.

Maybe none of this applies to your family member, but I wanted to at least offer some plausible explanations for such control around meals.

Repeat after me: OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MOODS.

[Anonymous]

OP, this would drive me BATTY!! Is it your MIL or your mother?

I like the idea of actually asking her about it. "Larla, are you ok? Your cooking us delicious and we really appreciate it, but sometimes you seem upset at meals" or "didn't mean to upset you, Larla, I just wanted an apple!" or whatever. As far as your kids go, you need to work on just ignoring her mopey looks and take an "I got this, Larla, thanks" attitude. It does sound like some kind of eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At recent family event, one adult was extolling the virtues of a new superfood (guess which one). (Not pushing, but definately doing a monologue).

His brother-in-law (from a rural area) said, "Oh yeah. We grew that on the farm. Used it to fatten the animals before we slaughtered them."

Nearly dropped my drink (which was not a smoothie made of superfood)

Funny! I love how people with farming backgrounds can just deflate an obnoxious foodie in an instant.

But come on! Tell us which superfood! Acai? Goji? Alfalfa??! I am so curious!!

Rhymes with "ale"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Can anyone commiserate or share thoughts on how to cope with the behavior? It becomes very frustrating to deal with and I cannot fathom how another adult could care so much about what I choose to eat.

I'm pretty much like your family member the bananas-foster-pusher, so I'll offer you some of my perspective:

-- eating and meals are a major source of emotional sustenance and coping for me. Imagine a diabetic having to be pretty particular about what they eat and when, only for me it's not my blood sugar, it's my mood that could get out of whack.

-- because I'm particular, it's hard for other people to meet my standards. Plus, people, a lot of you are disgusting in the kitchen. You cross-contaminate everything, you don't wash your hands, it horrifies me. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if they cook something and I tell them their food sucks and I won't be eating it. So, I sort of take it on myself to offer to cook for all as a prophylactic solution. It's not so much that I care about what you eat, I just care about what I eat and I don't want to have to confront you by refusing to eat the food you are offering me or by following you around with the bleach spray.

-- because I'm offering to cook all the meals for everyone, I expect people to turn me down in advance if they aren't interested, because it is a lot of work. I can see it being aggravating if your family member planned a menu for the week and then people would occasionally do their own thing or consume some things that were supposed to go with other things. Please work with her in advance so that her expectations (and grocery list) can match the ultimate reality.

Maybe none of this applies to your family member, but I wanted to at least offer some plausible explanations for such control around meals.

Uhhh, what? You have serious food issues so the ENTIRE family or group has to eat whatever you've deemed ok? That is some batshit crazy behavior. You should stop caring what a single other person eats. Explain you will prepare and eat only food you make yourself (bc you are crazy, which is fine, but own it) and sorry you won't be part of any group food. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Can anyone commiserate or share thoughts on how to cope with the behavior? It becomes very frustrating to deal with and I cannot fathom how another adult could care so much about what I choose to eat.

I'm pretty much like your family member the bananas-foster-pusher, so I'll offer you some of my perspective:

-- eating and meals are a major source of emotional sustenance and coping for me. Imagine a diabetic having to be pretty particular about what they eat and when, only for me it's not my blood sugar, it's my mood that could get out of whack.

-- because I'm particular, it's hard for other people to meet my standards. Plus, people, a lot of you are disgusting in the kitchen. You cross-contaminate everything, you don't wash your hands, it horrifies me. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if they cook something and I tell them their food sucks and I won't be eating it. So, I sort of take it on myself to offer to cook for all as a prophylactic solution. It's not so much that I care about what you eat, I just care about what I eat and I don't want to have to confront you by refusing to eat the food you are offering me or by following you around with the bleach spray.

-- because I'm offering to cook all the meals for everyone, I expect people to turn me down in advance if they aren't interested, because it is a lot of work. I can see it being aggravating if your family member planned a menu for the week and then people would occasionally do their own thing or consume some things that were supposed to go with other things. Please work with her in advance so that her expectations (and grocery list) can match the ultimate reality.

Maybe none of this applies to your family member, but I wanted to at least offer some plausible explanations for such control around meals.

Uhhh, what? You have serious food issues so the ENTIRE family or group has to eat whatever you've deemed ok? That is some batshit crazy behavior. You should stop caring what a single other person eats. Explain you will prepare and eat only food you make yourself (bc you are crazy, which is fine, but own it) and sorry you won't be part of any group food. End of story.

Agree - you have some serious OCD and neurosis about food and its preparation. Please get help and stop torturing your family with your moods and bleach spray.