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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Can anyone commiserate or share thoughts on how to cope with the behavior?  It becomes very frustrating to deal with and I cannot fathom how another adult could care so much about what I choose to eat.   [/quote]

I'm pretty much like your family member the bananas-foster-pusher, so I'll offer you some of my perspective:

-- eating and meals are a major source of emotional sustenance and coping for me. Imagine a diabetic having to be pretty particular about what they eat and when, only for me it's not my blood sugar, it's my mood that could get out of whack.

-- because I'm particular, it's hard for other people to meet my standards. Plus, people, a lot of you are disgusting in the kitchen. You cross-contaminate everything, you don't wash your hands, it horrifies me. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if they cook something and I tell them their food sucks and I won't be eating it. So, I sort of take it on myself to offer to cook for all as a prophylactic solution. It's not so much that I care about what you eat, I just care about what I eat and I don't want to have to confront you by refusing to eat the food you are offering me or by following you around with the bleach spray.

-- because I'm offering to cook all the meals for everyone, I expect people to turn me down in advance if they aren't interested, because it is a lot of work. I can see it being aggravating if your family member planned a menu for the week and then people would occasionally do their own thing or consume some things that were supposed to go with other things. Please work with her in advance so that her expectations (and grocery list) can match the ultimate reality.

Maybe none of this applies to your family member, but I wanted to at least offer some plausible explanations for such control around meals.[/quote]

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