How did you tell your dh you wanted him to move out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just done with this marriage. We fight every. single. day. We are in counseling, we just started, but I feel like there's really no point. We haven't even gotten past step one of do you want the marriage to be saved.

So my question is how do I tell him it's over? I want him to move out, and I think he would understand that he would be the one leaving. I would love to hear other's stories of how you did it, what you said, how it went. It's just scary. I know he's going to cry and be upset and I'm not going to be sad, but I'll feel guilty.

Um. You want out, you leave.

If he's smart, he won't leave. Depending on where you live, that's "abandonment" and carries serious ramifications later.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you think you get to call the shots? If you want to separate, you need to initiate a formal separation and come up with a plan -- both of you get input.

[Anonymous]

Via email when I was out of the country. He'd abandoned us months before and was simply enjoying entertaining his friends at my house while I was away (pregnant) with our child.

He was still there when we returned. So, I opened suitcases and put them out for him. Gave him until the end of the day.

I had given EVERYTHING to make it work. It's been three years and there's not a moment he hasn't regretted not committing himself to our marriage instead of shitting on it.

Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Via email when I was out of the country. He'd abandoned us months before and was simply enjoying entertaining his friends at my house while I was away (pregnant) with our child.

He was still there when we returned. So, I opened suitcases and put them out for him. Gave him until the end of the day.

I had given EVERYTHING to make it work. It's been three years and there's not a moment he hasn't regretted not committing himself to our marriage instead of shitting on it.

Oh well.

To be clear, we had one child and I was pregnant with our second.

[Anonymous]

Restraining Order did the trick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Restraining Order did the trick.

Did you need the restraining order? Was s/he abusive? Was your life in danger? If not, you are a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi this reply is coming from someone who was 90% sure I was done with my marriage. If you are this much in crisis you need to tell the counselor. You might need to go more often til things are NOT in crisis for you. If indeed it is done, then use the time in counseling to fairly and humanely communicate your next steps.

You sound like you are on your last straw but its worth it to treat each other well and with respect. If you can't bring up how you are feeling in counseling you have a bad counselor.

You might also need some sessions just you. For me, going myself helped me address some issues on my own. Husband did same and only later were we in healthy enough place to do counseling together.

Is there any abuse in your marraige? Counseling for couples often makes things worse if there is verbal or physical abuse. Please take care of self in this difficult time.

Can you expand on this? I have heard this before but don't really understand. There is abuse, emotional and verbal. He's very controlling. He really had the counselor fooled until our most recent session. Then I finally started to let it out, what he does, and she was alarmed.

This is why I'm not sad. I'm not cold-hearted, I just did all my crying years ago and stayed for the kids. Now I realize this isn't the best environment for the kids so I want him to leave. I was thinking of doing it in counseling but I'm afraid it would just ruin his day and he wouldn't be able to go back to work. I really do feel bad about the way he's taking it, I wish he was like me and just able to walk away. But he has all these feelings of rejection.

Anyway, if someone could talk about why counseling is bad for abuse situations that would be really helpful for me. Thanks.

What exactly does your husband do that he was concealing from the counselor? How exactly is he "controlling", (that is the female buzz word on this forum for every husband)? That is a very broad statement. Please give us all the story rather than dribbling it out bit by bit simply to garner sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I'd also like DH to leave the house, which we own jointly, to give DD continuity, assuming I'd eventually have custody more than 50%. Realistically, it's unlikely he will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sent an email with lawyer cc'd stating fear for my and kids' safety. Was clear that I didn't want to get police involved but wouldn't live with him again. Suggested he take up to 3 days to find accommodations and move.

He did.

Just another reason to never get married, boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Restraining Order did the trick.

Wow, so many reasons in this thread to never get married, boys. Lying to a judge or magistrate to get a restraining order on false pretenses? Why the fuck not?

Fuck you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restraining Order did the trick.

Wow, so many reasons in this thread to never get married, boys. Lying to a judge or magistrate to get a restraining order on false pretenses? Why the fuck not?

Fuck you.

Yes, this would constitute abuse and any woman (or man) or would use this tactic to falsely accuse a spouse should burn in hell. If you are married, boys, document, document document. That is the only way to protect yourself from evil bitches who would do something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent an email with lawyer cc'd stating fear for my and kids' safety. Was clear that I didn't want to get police involved but wouldn't live with him again. Suggested he take up to 3 days to find accommodations and move.

He did.

Just another reason to never get married, boys.

I agree that people who use violence, threats of violence, or other forms of intimidation to get their way should not get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restraining Order did the trick.

Wow, so many reasons in this thread to never get married, boys. Lying to a judge or magistrate to get a restraining order on false pretenses? Why the fuck not?

Fuck you.

Yes, this would constitute abuse and any woman (or man) or would use this tactic to falsely accuse a spouse should burn in hell. If you are married, boys, document, document document. That is the only way to protect yourself from evil bitches who would do something like this.

How often did you beat your evil bitch before she called the police?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd also like DH to leave the house, which we own jointly, to give DD continuity, assuming I'd eventually have custody more than 50%. Realistically, it's unlikely he will.

Why do you assume you'll have more than 50%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd also like DH to leave the house, which we own jointly, to give DD continuity, assuming I'd eventually have custody more than 50%. Realistically, it's unlikely he will.

Why do you assume you'll have more than 50%?

I'm not the PP, but if she's been doing more than 50% of the child rearing, a judge is likely to continue that in a custody decision.

Keep a calendar, PP. Write down all of the occasions that you attended school events/sports/piano recitals and DH was too busy/unmotivated to come. Take pictures if you can to show he wasn't there. Document who goes to pediatrician visits and who helps with HW.