How did you tell your dh you wanted him to move out?

[Anonymous]

I am just done with this marriage. We fight every. single. day. We are in counseling, we just started, but I feel like there's really no point. We haven't even gotten past step one of do you want the marriage to be saved.

So my question is how do I tell him it's over? I want him to move out, and I think he would understand that he would be the one leaving. I would love to hear other's stories of how you did it, what you said, how it went. It's just scary. I know he's going to cry and be upset and I'm not going to be sad, but I'll feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

You sound cold hearted but anyways, sit down with him one on one, at home and tell him you want to seperate. Go from there.

[Anonymous]

You're not cold-hearted. Just sit down and tell him.

[Anonymous]

I just did it. I said something along the lines of we both know the marriage is over and it's time for you to start looking for a new place.

My mom did it by leaving the real estate section on the kitchen table with a note that said Today is a beautiful day to look for an apartment. My dad still has the note.

[Anonymous]

Why should he move out rather than you? There are negatives to fathers moving it as the women use it against them in court as 'abandonment' to try and decrease the time they get with the kids. Most lawyers will advise men to not just move out until a plan for shared custody is in place.

[Anonymous]

You can tell him it is over but you can't tell him to leave unless you alone own the house.

You need to sit down with him and first have the conversation that the marriage is over and that you don't want to do counseling or work on it. He likely thinks because you have gone to a couple appointments that you are interested in trying to work through issues in the marriage and if you aren't, then you need to tell him that and stop going to couples counselings to work on marriage issues.

You aren't at the move out point yet. That isn't how you tell someone you are wanting to separate. That is pretty cold hearted. The who will move out and what does this mean for the kids conversation should rise out of the I don't want to work on this marriage conversation.

[Anonymous]

If it's your place, you're free to tell him to move out whenever you want.
If you both rent or own the place you can not do that. You need to sit down and talk it out. And don't start by saying you feel he should move out. Say it's over and we need to figure out how to separate without too much drama.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell him he's moving out. Just move out yourself and let him know where he and the kids can come visit.

[Anonymous]

Sent an email with lawyer cc'd stating fear for my and kids' safety. Was clear that I didn't want to get police involved but wouldn't live with him again. Suggested he take up to 3 days to find accommodations and move.

He did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sent an email with lawyer cc'd stating fear for my and kids' safety. Was clear that I didn't want to get police involved but wouldn't live with him again. Suggested he take up to 3 days to find accommodations and move.

He did.

I hope you actually had legitimate fear for your safety like a history of aggression or violence and that wasn't just a tactic to get him out of the house.

OP - don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Think about how you would want your DH to tell you that he wants you to leave the family home. That he doesn't want you living with him and the kids anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sent an email with lawyer cc'd stating fear for my and kids' safety. Was clear that I didn't want to get police involved but wouldn't live with him again. Suggested he take up to 3 days to find accommodations and move.

He did.

I hope you actually had legitimate fear for your safety like a history of aggression or violence and that wasn't just a tactic to get him out of the house.

OP - don't do this.

Of course I did. It was hardest thing I've ever had to do and I was pretty terrified of him until many months later. He has had a lot of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell him he's moving out. Just move out yourself and let him know where he and the kids can come visit.

I just told DH I wanted a divorce and that I wanted him to move out, unless he wanted custody of the kids. If he wanted custody of the kids, I would move out.

He refused to move and refused to take custody.

Dick.

So... I'm biding my time until my kids are bigger and can fend for themselves more. When they get to that point, I'm moving out. Kids can come with me or stay with their dad.

In the meantime, I'm going to college for a second degree on my husband's dime. He thinks he won, and that I'm staying.

[Anonymous]

Hi this reply is coming from someone who was 90% sure I was done with my marriage. If you are this much in crisis you need to tell the counselor. You might need to go more often til things are NOT in crisis for you. If indeed it is done, then use the time in counseling to fairly and humanely communicate your next steps.

You sound like you are on your last straw but its worth it to treat each other well and with respect. If you can't bring up how you are feeling in counseling you have a bad counselor.

You might also need some sessions just you. For me, going myself helped me address some issues on my own. Husband did same and only later were we in healthy enough place to do counseling together.

Is there any abuse in your marraige? Counseling for couples often makes things worse if there is verbal or physical abuse. Please take care of self in this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell him he's moving out. Just move out yourself and let him know where he and the kids can come visit.

I just told DH I wanted a divorce and that I wanted him to move out, unless he wanted custody of the kids. If he wanted custody of the kids, I would move out.

He refused to move and refused to take custody.

Dick.

So... I'm biding my time until my kids are bigger and can fend for themselves more. When they get to that point, I'm moving out. Kids can come with me or stay with their dad.

In the meantime, I'm going to college for a second degree on my husband's dime. He thinks he won, and that I'm staying.

You sound really mature. I feel bad for your kids.