Reply to How did you tell your dh you wanted him to move out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi this reply is coming from someone who was 90% sure I was done with my marriage.   If you are this much in crisis you need to tell the counselor.   You might need to go more often til things are NOT in crisis for you.   If indeed it is done, then use the time in counseling to fairly and humanely communicate your next steps.

You sound like you are on your last straw but its worth it to treat each other well and with respect.  If you can't bring up how you are feeling in counseling you have a bad counselor.

You might also need some sessions just you.   For me, going myself helped me address some issues on my own.  Husband did same and only later were we in healthy enough place to do counseling together.

Is there any abuse in your marraige? [b] Counseling for couples often makes things worse if there is verbal or physical abuse.[/b]   Please take care of self in this difficult time.[/quote]

Can you expand on this?  I have heard this before but don't really understand.  There is abuse, emotional and verbal.  He's very controlling.  He really had the counselor fooled until our most recent session.  Then I finally started to let it out, what he does, and she was alarmed.

This is why I'm not sad.  I'm not cold-hearted, I just did all my crying years ago and stayed for the kids.  Now I realize this isn't the best environment for the kids so I want him to leave.  I was thinking of doing it in counseling but I'm afraid it would just ruin his day and he wouldn't be able to go back to work.  I really do feel bad about the way he's taking it, I wish he was like me and just able to walk away.  But he has all these feelings of rejection.

Anyway, if someone could talk about why counseling is bad for abuse situations that would be really helpful for me.  Thanks.[/quote]

What exactly does your husband do that he was concealing from the counselor?   How exactly is he "controlling", (that is the female buzz word on this forum for every husband)?  That is a very broad statement.  Please give us all the story rather than dribbling it out bit by bit simply to garner sympathy.[/quote]

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