25 year age gap relationship, man is over 50

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy in my 50s and I get hit on by young ladies occasionally, like 20 and up. I tell them to get lost, (politely, not in those words obviously) because they are obviously either stupid or naive. The last one was very persistent and I had to get a bit stroppy, to the point where I asked here if she was mentally ill.

I think young women are often pretty clueless and easily impressed with older men, even when they are total bozos. I don't know what it is exactly, but I think it's mostly to do with the women's lack of self-belief and confidence. It could also be that men their age are generally idiots and they are fed up with them.

In general, I recommend avoiding large age differences, it can only end badly. Unless the goal is money of course.

[Anonymous]

When I was 18-20, I dated a guy 22 years older. I was very mature for my age, while he acted and looked younger. I broke up with him at some point, and a couple years later he married a girl of my age. They had a son and then had 1 more son when she was about 33 and he was about 55. Since he had a daughter from the previous marriage, his 2nd son is younger than the guy's grandkids from his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family.

Sounds like us, but with one child.

[Anonymous]

Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

Sorry, that should have read, "am NOW happily remarried."

[Anonymous]

Control is the key.

Older men want younger women b/c they can indeed control them with their "wisdom" and money.

I've seen it again and again.

recipe for disaster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

The biggest red flag in thsi case was not his age, but the previous marriage. Yes, he sounds like a selfish immature so and so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

The biggest red flag in thsi case was not his age, but the previous marriage. Yes, he sounds like a selfish immature so and so.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Divorced professor hitting on young student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Divorced professor hitting on young student.

Younger desperate student.

I do not know of any may december relationships that worked out.

[Anonymous]

These people speak as if love is purely selective, easy to find, and permanent within the correct age parameters. If you can find genuine love you are a fool to avoid it because of current social convention or because of the prospect that decades into the future he or she maybe more elderly than the other. The gift of true love is rare and it should not be wasted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These people speak as if love is purely selective, easy to find, and permanent within the correct age parameters. If you can find genuine love you are a fool to avoid it because of current social convention or because of the prospect that decades into the future he or she maybe more elderly than the other. The gift of true love is rare and it should not be wasted.

Agree, and sadly many of us (most) might never find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These people speak as if love is purely selective, easy to find, and permanent within the correct age parameters. If you can find genuine love you are a fool to avoid it because of current social convention or because of the prospect that decades into the future he or she maybe more elderly than the other. The gift of true love is rare and it should not be wasted.

There is no maybe that the 55 year old husband will be more elderly than his 30 year old wife, now and on the future.

When she is 55, he will be 80!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 17 years older than me. Twenty years gap is not THAT huge to be "just for the money."

Again, my neighbor used to brag how her retired husband - 15 years her senior - was home, which meant they never dealt with childcare.

And then he had the stroke.

What's your point? He had a stroke because he could not keep up with his younger wife?

[Anonymous]

For those of you posting that younger women will be caretakers for their older husbands (and implying that this is a reason we should not marry older men) - you should realize that women generally outlive men, and eventually there is a very good chance you'll be wiping your husband's butt, even if he is the same age as you.

If you don't marry someone because of something like this, you are marrying for the wrong reasons. We're all going to grow old and die. To give up on happiness and love with someone just because the time you have together likely won't be as long as would be ideal, and because you will have to take care of them is messed up.