Reply to 25 year age gap relationship, man is over 50

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work.";  I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???"). [/quote]

Sorry, that should have read, "am NOW happily remarried."[/quote]

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