25 year age gap relationship, man is over 50

[Anonymous]

I know that people fall in love with whomever they fall in love. Only 1% of the population marries with a more than 20 year age gap. Besides the obvious visual youth and beauty of the younger woman and the money and security of the older man, wouldn't it make a man approaching his sixties feel even older to be with a woman 25 years younger? When strangers mistake his new wife for his daughter instead of his peer and spouse, won't that make him feel even worse about his age? What compatibility or shared life goals, values, and experiences could there possibly be between a man born in 1959 and a woman born in 1985?

The Donald Sterling interview on CNN showed a man in his 80s, crying at the thought that his mistress, 51 years younger than he, actually cared about him and not his money. Why would he think that she wasn't interested in the money?

[Anonymous]

My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that people fall in love with whomever they fall in love. Only 1% of the population marries with a more than 20 year age gap. Besides the obvious visual youth and beauty of the younger woman and the money and security of the older man, wouldn't it make a man approaching his sixties feel even older to be with a woman 25 years younger? When strangers mistake his new wife for his daughter instead of his peer and spouse, won't that make him feel even worse about his age? What compatibility or shared life goals, values, and experiences could there possibly be between a man born in 1959 and a woman born in 1985?

The Donald Sterling interview on CNN showed a man in his 80s, crying at the thought that his mistress, 51 years younger than he, actually cared about him and not his money. Why would he think that she wasn't interested in the money?

You're assuming that Donald Sterling even knows what love is, or is capable of loving another human being other than himself anyway.

[Anonymous]

Stating the obvious, but there's a huge difference between a 25 year age gap and a 50+ year age gap like Sterling.

14:08 with the 22 year gap seems perfectly normal. There's an age difference, but they're a family. The Sterling example is an old man with a trophy girlfriend -- not wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family. [/quote

yeah well

coming from a family where Dad was 10 years older than Mom, you're in for it sister, when your old man gets REALLY old!

good luck with adult diapers

Many women don't think of their future. I have a neighbor who's 15 years younger than her husband, and the man had a stroke. Yes, he has money, but as soon as he started to heal, she was out the door, working FT, b/c she couldn't stand dealing with his condition.

I say it sucks to be you in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stating the obvious, but there's a huge difference between a 25 year age gap and a 50+ year age gap like Sterling.

14:08 with the 22 year gap seems perfectly normal. There's an age difference, but they're a family. The Sterling example is an old man with a trophy girlfriend -- not wife.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that people fall in love with whomever they fall in love. Only 1% of the population marries with a more than 20 year age gap. Besides the obvious visual youth and beauty of the younger woman and the money and security of the older man, wouldn't it make a man approaching his sixties feel even older to be with a woman 25 years younger? When strangers mistake his new wife for his daughter instead of his peer and spouse, won't that make him feel even worse about his age? What compatibility or shared life goals, values, and experiences could there possibly be between a man born in 1959 and a woman born in 1985?

The Donald Sterling interview on CNN showed a man in his 80s, crying at the thought that his mistress, 51 years younger than he, actually cared about him and not his money. Why would he think that she wasn't interested in the money?

Short answer: Men (like that) are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that people fall in love with whomever they fall in love. Only 1% of the population marries with a more than 20 year age gap. Besides the obvious visual youth and beauty of the younger woman and the money and security of the older man, wouldn't it make a man approaching his sixties feel even older to be with a woman 25 years younger? When strangers mistake his new wife for his daughter instead of his peer and spouse, won't that make him feel even worse about his age? What compatibility or shared life goals, values, and experiences could there possibly be between a man born in 1959 and a woman born in 1985?

The Donald Sterling interview on CNN showed a man in his 80s, crying at the thought that his mistress, 51 years younger than he, actually cared about him and not his money. Why would he think that she wasn't interested in the money?

Short answer: Men (like that) are delusional.

Same poster: Agree with PP above about the difference between the 22 year gap pp and a situation like Sterling's. I was referring to Sterling. Pp with the older husband and family sound blessed to have each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family.

Curious: What do you say to people who assume that either DH can't handle a relationship with an equal and/or that you have a daddy complex? For a few years after college, my former roommate dated a much older guy. I always found him creepy (you know, because everyone over 40 is creepy). Now that I'm over 40, that relationship makes even less sense to me. I'm just trying to understand the appeal of the dynamic. Because in my experience, people with 22 year age differences are not equals in any meaningful way and I'm not seeing how that relationship works. That's not to say they don't get along beautifully, but I would question the maturity and motives of the couple, mostly of the older person but to an extent of the younger one as well.

I just re-read this and it sounds totally snarky, I'm not doing a good job of conveying my utter lack of understanding here. Or maybe I am.

[Anonymous]

My DH recently shared an experience he had where an older lady flirted with him. He said he felt awkward because she was older. Later he found out she wasn't older, she is a year younger than he is. He looks at me every day and he considers us peers and since I'm much younger, he sees himself reflected back in me. In short, he doesn't realize he is his age, he thinks he's my age. It doesn't make sense. It's totally delusional. In fact, I am maturing and I find it upsetting that my DH would not even consider sleeping with a woman his own age. (I mean if we weren't together, of course.) It's kind of disgusting the way men can screw young women until they die but women stop being seen as sexual creatures after a certain age. Sorry to go off topic.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be aware and think about how you will deal when he is 75 and you are 50. Or 35 and he is 60. Health problems can come at any age, but it def will when you are older. You will have to deal w it, so it is up to you to decide. I would not be interested in someone that much older than me.

You might have conflicting child rearing opinions, expectations of marriage.

My DH is 7years my senior and we have some cultural experiences in common, but some are different because of our ages.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I know someone who is in her early 60's, married to someone who is in his mid 80's. He has had numerous health issues, beginning in his 70's, and now has Alzheimer's and requires around the clock care. She said that she really wishes she had given more thought to what things would be like as they got older. Her friends are starting to retire and travel with their husbands, which is something she will never be able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family.

Curious: What do you say to people who assume that either DH can't handle a relationship with an equal and/or that you have a daddy complex? For a few years after college, my former roommate dated a much older guy. I always found him creepy (you know, because everyone over 40 is creepy). Now that I'm over 40, that relationship makes even less sense to me. I'm just trying to understand the appeal of the dynamic. Because in my experience, people with 22 year age differences are not equals in any meaningful way and I'm not seeing how that relationship works. That's not to say they don't get along beautifully, but I would question the maturity and motives of the couple, mostly of the older person but to an extent of the younger one as well.

I just re-read this and it sounds totally snarky, I'm not doing a good job of conveying my utter lack of understanding here. Or maybe I am.

I've never understood it either. This kind of age difference is just weird and "off" to me. It was when I was 25 and now that I am 48, it makes even less sense to me that someone my age would want a relationship with a kid of 22. Now, wanting to have sex with a 22 year old, that I get, lol. But a relationship? No.

[Anonymous]

At 19, I fell in love with a man who was 27 years older, after college I moved away. I saw him again when I was 27, and again at age 33, and I was still in love. At 27 I told him how I felt and he laughed at me. At 33 I restated my feelings and he started to come around to the idea, but not really, common sense took priority in his mind.

I am 49 and I still speak to him daily, he never married. He loves my four kids and has met DH. DH does not know what my feelings were. Kinda sorta like the Thornbirds, a love that will never go away. However, both of us (myself and the older gentleman) are extremely level headed and nothing would ever happen. In hindsight, we should have ignored all the concerns about creating a scandal.

If my child finds themselves in such a situation, I would encourage them to think, but in the end, follow their hearts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 19, I fell in love with a man who was 27 years older, after college I moved away. I saw him again when I was 27, and again at age 33, and I was still in love. At 27 I told him how I felt and he laughed at me. At 33 I restated my feelings and he started to come around to the idea, but not really, common sense took priority in his mind.

I am 49 and I still speak to him daily, he never married. He loves my four kids and has met DH. DH does not know what my feelings were. Kinda sorta like the Thornbirds, a love that will never go away. However, both of us (myself and the older gentleman) are extremely level headed and nothing would ever happen. In hindsight, we should have ignored all the concerns about creating a scandal.

If my child finds themselves in such a situation, I would encourage them to think, but in the end, follow their hearts.

Your older man was only 8 years older than you, same generation. That is not the same as a man old enough to be your father. It is not really like the Thornbirds, because the priest took a vow of celibacy and was committed to the Church. Your man is not married and has been free to commit to you. He chooses not to. Maybe he is gay like Richard Chamberlain?