husband's snoring makes me furious

[Anonymous]

I sleep with Darth Vadar many nights. But I usually end up going to the guest room. I will never have a house without an extra bedroom....

[Anonymous]

He may not be taking it off intentionally. If it is uncomfortable, he may be pulling it off in his sleep. And sleeping with something uncomfortable isn't a great solution - not fair to him. He needs to get it refitted.
Same as a husband shouldn't tell the pregnant wife to wear a diaper because she wakes him up and disrupts his sleep when she gets up to pee multiple times a night.

I agree with videotaping - he hasn't experienced what you do so it is hard to know what makes it so challenging.

The other thing to note is that snoring isn't a choice. You seem to think he is deliberately making your life miserable. Sounds like there are much bigger issues in our marriage than snoring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not be taking it off intentionally. If it is uncomfortable, he may be pulling it off in his sleep. And sleeping with something uncomfortable isn't a great solution - not fair to him. He needs to get it refitted.
Same as a husband shouldn't tell the pregnant wife to wear a diaper because she wakes him up and disrupts his sleep when she gets up to pee multiple times a night.

I agree with videotaping - he hasn't experienced what you do so it is hard to know what makes it so challenging.

The other thing to note is that snoring isn't a choice. You seem to think he is deliberately making your life miserable. Sounds like there are much bigger issues in our marriage than snoring

No, but he is choosing to make it 100% her problem. Not what marriage is all about. I agree: counseling. Until he starts to think that your comfort and happiness matter.

[Anonymous]

hi all - op again. just wanted to say thanks again for the suggestions.

husband did apologize, and we are coming to come solutions, i think. (he asked if i could try to let him have that last hour in the morning without his mask on; i feel like, if i know it's coming, and it's just an hour, i'll be ok with that.)

i also took a different brand of melatonin last night, which seems to have helped me sleep through the night better and feel less groggy in the morning. (cvs stopped carrying my usual brand, and the one i'd been using in the interim was leaving me feeling drugged.)

a new couch is a good idea, too. it does seem like having a comfortable place to just get up and go to when the snoring gets really bad would be a practical solution.

and when we move, if we ever move, we'll definitely get a place with another room, where we can keep another bed. for now, though...

re: earplugs - for mr, they make things worse! they block out the white noise, which i need to sleep anyway, and just leave the snoring sound. that's not all your all's experience?

[Anonymous]

op again: gah, atrocious typos! sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hi all - op again. just wanted to say thanks again for the suggestions.

husband did apologize, and we are coming to come solutions, i think. (he asked if i could try to let him have that last hour in the morning without his mask on; i feel like, if i know it's coming, and it's just an hour, i'll be ok with that.)

i also took a different brand of melatonin last night, which seems to have helped me sleep through the night better and feel less groggy in the morning. (cvs stopped carrying my usual brand, and the one i'd been using in the interim was leaving me feeling drugged.)

a new couch is a good idea, too. it does seem like having a comfortable place to just get up and go to when the snoring gets really bad would be a practical solution.

and when we move, if we ever move, we'll definitely get a place with another room, where we can keep another bed. for now, though...

re: earplugs - for mr, they make things worse! they block out the white noise, which i need to sleep anyway, and just leave the snoring sound. that's not all your all's experience?

Are you wearing the plugs correctly?

[Anonymous]

i have worn earplugs since i started dating/sleeping in the same bed with my now husband. can't sleep without them. i generally also sort of wrap my pillow around my head. i also make him sleep on his side. this cuts the snoring down enough to let me sleep.

with earplugs you need to rolls them between your fingers and stuff them pretty far deep in then allow them to expand. they have different onces but the ones i get block up to come some crazy level of decibels. i'd revisit the earplug aisle. we'd be divorced without them.

[Anonymous]

DH here who has used a CPAP for a number of years. Even now I occasionally wake up in the morning to find that I have removed the mask during the night without realizing it. And sometimes, about the time I’d wake up anyway, the noise of the machine wakes me up and I take off the mask to get another few minutes of sleep. In addition to controlling my snoring I find it to be psychologically comforting in that once I put it on my mind tells me “time for sleep,” and I’m out like a light. Besides that, my wife knows she can’t start or continue a conversation since I can’t answer with the mask on other than grunting so that cuts out her nighttime chatter.

Thanks to my experience my brother, whose wife had complained for years about his snoring, was also tested for sleep apnea, got a CPAP, and, after initially resisting it, now says it was a great decision to begin using it. My dad, still trucking along at age 93, has shaken the walls of his home with his snoring for decades but I guess my mom is able to put up with it. Whatever sleep deprivation he has had hasn’t slowed him down.

I agree it’s an ugly contraption and hardly conducive to romance. If I were ever to be single again I’d be at a loss as to how to bed a woman. It’d be a choice of no overnight visits, sleeping in a separate room or on a couch (how’s that for romance), keeping her awake with my snoring, or pulling out that mask and sending her running. Luckily my sleep issues did not develop while I was single and none of my earlier bed-mates ever mentioned that I snored.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was contemplating divorce for the same reasons. Then her husband started wearing breathe-right strips and it helped IMMENSELY. Those combined with ear plugs did the trick. They refer to the strips as "their marriage savior".

But first, you both need to be willing to talk about it without getting emotional and accusatory. He's defensive because he can't help it, and you're upset because your sleep is getting disturbed.

I second the PP who said to record him at night to show him how effing loud and annoying it is...

[Anonymous]

I just think some couples are better off in separate bedrooms. Couples that include a loud snorer for example. So rather than be resentful just deal. A 2nd bedroom needs to be a non-negotiable the same way having a kitchen is, or a room for the baby.

People would really consider divorce before trying the spare bedroom route for 12 months? That boggles my mind. The solution is so simple, and yet the ramifications of divorce are so profoundly not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just think some couples are better off in separate bedrooms. Couples that include a loud snorer for example. So rather than be resentful just deal. A 2nd bedroom needs to be a non-negotiable the same way having a kitchen is, or a room for the baby.

People would really consider divorce before trying the spare bedroom route for 12 months? That boggles my mind. The solution is so simple, and yet the ramifications of divorce are so profoundly not.

I think people get stuck in ther mind that couples share beds and bedrooms, and its so fundamental to their idea of marriage they just cant view it as nothing more than a logisitical arrangement. Also once chronic sleep dep sets in, some people really just get so depressed and trapped feeling. I know from experience! My husband snores terribly. He wishes we would sleep together, but, as I put it, and have managed to convince him: if we are sleeping we are ASLEEP and WHO CARES where we are located when we are not conscious!! Had great sex with him last night and then said goodnight and went off to MY bed to SLEEP. Thats how we do things now.

OP sounds like she is on the right track now. I am so glad to hear it!

[Anonymous]

I have a loud snoring husband as well, and at home we sleep in separate bedrooms. For travel, when we are in the same room: different beds, earplugs, and then the white noise app on my iphone using giant headphones that cover my ears. I can't sleep on my side with the earphones on, but it does let us sleep in the same room when we need to. Good Luck!