mother's day with a local MIL

[Anonymous]

It's Mothers Day. Not "me" day. If there happens to be more than one mother in the picture, then everybody gets lauded.

And it is DH's primary duty to celebrate his mother, not you, his wife. That's your birthday and anniversary, homes.

As far as I am concerned, until the kids are old enough to do it on their own, dad's contribution to mother's day for his wife is to sign a card and maybe buy a picture mug. YOU'RE not his mother.

And think about being the mother of a grown child--one day your daughter or daughter in law will say "it's all about me" and will you feel then?

Or is empathy beyond some of you?

[Anonymous]

I think the "you're not his mother" posters must not have difficult MILs.

It's one thing when everyone gets along just fine, but it's another when DW is basically asking not to have to deal with someone who is a regular thorn in her side, whose presence makes events stressful and unpleasant. Sure, suck it up for Christmas and Thanksgiving, but for Mother's Day, DH can handle it himself.

[Anonymous]

It's Mothers Day. Not "me" day. If there happens to be more than one mother in the picture, then everybody gets lauded.

It is time to grow up, ladies. Childishness and immaturity isn't flattering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS. It's a made up holiday. Grow up and go out with your MIL along. You know-your husbands MOTHER.

Exactly! Lots of princesses around here. I'll be percefcly happy with a card that my son will bring from pre-k. That's the extent I want to celebrate. If you don't feel appreciated all the time, it's not worth making a big stink about it once/year.

Would you say the same to a MIL who was pouting because her son was spending time with his wife and family on that day? Honest question, no snark involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS. It's a made up holiday. Grow up and go out with your MIL along. You know-your husbands MOTHER.

Exactly! Lots of princesses around here. I'll be percefcly happy with a card that my son will bring from pre-k. That's the extent I want to celebrate. If you don't feel appreciated all the time, it's not worth making a big stink about it once/year.

Would you say the same to a MIL who was pouting because her son was spending time with his wife and family on that day? Honest question, no snark involved.

Absolutely! The MIL needs to grow up too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously I have a huge bias here, but I think that it's pretty fair to leave the majority of the hoopla about Mother's Day focused on the people who are actively mothering children, not the mothers of now grown adults. Not that those mothers should be overlooked or slighted, but if you've got a baby, a toddler, and an elementary school kid at home, I think you get to enjoy the treat of having a sleep-in and breakfast in bed rather than getting up early and schlepping to Grandma's house to take her out to brunch.

YES! A million times yes! My MIL lives an hour away. She tried to make arrangements like two months ago for us to have brunch with her and her husband for Mother's Day. I'm not a big "it's all about me" kind of person, but when she tried to lay claim on the holiday so far in advance, making a reservation at a fancy place that would not be relaxing as we policed our three-year-old, it just really rubbed me the wrong way. I'M the one actively mothering so it should really be plans with our family in mind and what would be best for us. I have no problem incorporating her, but it was all about what she wanted to do. So selfish IMO. Fortunately, my husband on his own said he was more concerned with doing something for me since our DS is so young and obviously can't plan anything on his own. Driving in a car round-trip for two hours and a fancy brunch with a young child is not my - or his - idea of a great time. We declined and came up with alternate plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously I have a huge bias here, but I think that it's pretty fair to leave the majority of the hoopla about Mother's Day focused on the people who are actively mothering children, not the mothers of now grown adults. Not that those mothers should be overlooked or slighted, but if you've got a baby, a toddler, and an elementary school kid at home, I think you get to enjoy the treat of having a sleep-in and breakfast in bed rather than getting up early and schlepping to Grandma's house to take her out to brunch.

YES! A million times yes! My MIL lives an hour away. She tried to make arrangements like two months ago for us to have brunch with her and her husband for Mother's Day. I'm not a big "it's all about me" kind of person, but when she tried to lay claim on the holiday so far in advance, making a reservation at a fancy place that would not be relaxing as we policed our three-year-old, it just really rubbed me the wrong way. I'M the one actively mothering so it should really be plans with our family in mind and what would be best for us. I have no problem incorporating her, but it was all about what she wanted to do. So selfish IMO. Fortunately, my husband on his own said he was more concerned with doing something for me since our DS is so young and obviously can't plan anything on his own. Driving in a car round-trip for two hours and a fancy brunch with a young child is not my - or his - idea of a great time. We declined and came up with alternate plans.

Making plans for brunch and trying to set it up way ahead of time is selfish????
I understand it is your cup of tea, but dayyyyyymmm.
What in the hell is active mothering?
You have a kid, you are not disengaging a bomb.
Geez

[Anonymous]

Do you view Mother's Day as children celebrating THEIR mother or a day when all mothers are celebrated?

I view it as a celebration of a woman who is in the middle of raising her kids and building her family. It is a chance for members of her family to say, 'here's to you for being the mom in our nuclear family.'

I also think adult children should honor their mothers but not to the exclusion of their spouses. Every year going over to grandma's house all day until she's dead as pp said? Um, no, not our tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you view Mother's Day as children celebrating THEIR mother or a day when all mothers are celebrated?

I view it as a celebration of a woman who is in the middle of raising her kids and building her family. It is a chance for members of her family to say, 'here's to you for being the mom in our nuclear family.'

I also think adult children should honor their mothers but not to the exclusion of their spouses. Every year going over to grandma's house all day until she's dead as pp said? Um, no, not our tradition.
[/quote
It's a day to celebtate ALL mothers!
Now, if you do not like your mom or MIL, that is one thing.
Then don't bother with them, I get that.
But it is dumb as hell to say that it is only for mothers who more recently popped out a kid.
Grow up!
Honest to goodness some of these heffas really think that the world started revolving around them because they are 'actively' wrangling a toddler !
Yea, women been doing that for billions of years. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

My husband takes our daughter and meets his mother for breakfast on Mother's Day. I sleep in. Every year she asks him why I am not there and every year he says, "It's her Mother's Day too. She is sleeping in."

[Anonymous]

I find this "it's my day" "acknowledge me!" attitude with every single occasion really pathetic. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

My God! What a whiner you are OP!

Let your MIL spend time with DH - she gave birth to him.

You are welcome to spend time with your DC - you gave birth to him!

And if this is not acceptable then let your DH split the day between you and his mom!

[Anonymous]

I will be celebrating Mother's Day, when my child is older. It would feel weird for DH to give me a card - I am not his mom. I am fine with DH and toddler going over to MIL's place to celebrate with her. I try to avoid going as my MIL is a huge bitch to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: you are lucky that your husband wants to honor his mother this weekend. It shows he cares about his mother and the tradition.
You will likely outlive her, so try to appreciate her while she's here and just be selfless this weekend.

F that. Moms are selfless as it is. I am so tired of my mil and my mom acting like they are saints when they do nothing. Both were terrible mothers and are proving to be terrible grandmothers too.

I say crush her and do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you view Mother's Day as children celebrating THEIR mother or a day when all mothers are celebrated?

I view it as a celebration of a woman who is in the middle of raising her kids and building her family. It is a chance for members of her family to say, 'here's to you for being the mom in our nuclear family.'

I also think adult children should honor their mothers but not to the exclusion of their spouses. Every year going over to grandma's house all day until she's dead as pp said? Um, no, not our tradition.
[/quote
It's a day to celebtate ALL mothers!
Now, if you do not like your mom or MIL, that is one thing.
Then don't bother with them, I get that.
But it is dumb as hell to say that it is only for mothers who more recently popped out a kid.
Grow up!
Honest to goodness some of these heffas really think that the world started revolving around them because they are 'actively' wrangling a toddler !
Yea, women been doing that for billions of years. Get over yourself.

This quote is totally coming from some old bag with no kids anymore.