mother's day with a local MIL

[Anonymous]

Obviously I have a huge bias here, but I think that it's pretty fair to leave the majority of the hoopla about Mother's Day focused on the people who are actively mothering children, not the mothers of now grown adults. Not that those mothers should be overlooked or slighted, but if you've got a baby, a toddler, and an elementary school kid at home, I think you get to enjoy the treat of having a sleep-in and breakfast in bed rather than getting up early and schlepping to Grandma's house to take her out to brunch.

I don't have a dog in this fight since my MIL is one of those people who get angry and annoyed if you do anything in their honor - she hates even getting a birthday card. It's a reverse attention seeking thing, since she makes a big deal if you don't acknowledge her birthday in a passive aggressive way, like, "It's SO nice that for one year NO ONE REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY AT ALL. It was SO RELAXING. I really never thought a day would come when not one of my children would get me a present for my birthday, but it is SO NICE not to have to deal with all of you going out of your way and spending money on me." She made such a big deal out of getting what she always said she wanted that my DH then had to buy her a bigger gift than usual the following year, which she then complained about.

Me? I take her at her word. She said she doesn't want anyone to do anything for her on Mother's Day, and I simply spoke up and said, "That's great, Phyllis. I was really hoping our new little family could have the whole day together, so I'm glad you won't be offended that we won't be spending time with you that day. I hope you have a wonderful day just the way you like it!" I will probably never hear the end of it, but I intend to enjoy it.

As for my own mother, she is content and delighted with a card and a phone call, as I hope I will be when my son is grown and he wants to spend the day pampering the mother of my grandchildren, if I'm ever so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Think of Mother's Day as a day to be thankful that you are a mother and to be grateful for the Mothers that are able to be with us. This day isn't about me as much as it is about ME being thankful for all the beautiful gifts I have been blessed with- a loving husband, sweet children and in-laws who actually care about being with me. Many women don't have those things and so being put out about something trivial in the whole scheme of things seems pretty selfish. When we change our outlook and perspective- our attitude can change too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So don't go. Relax at home (take a nap, read a book, lie around on the couch) while your husband and toddler go to brunch.

+1 A day home, alone, would be the best gift anyone could give me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound very immature.

[Anonymous]

I learned once I had kids that there is a Mother's Day hierarchy. Luckily I love my MIL so it's not a problem. I was married before and my previous MIL was a real bitch so I totally get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So don't go. Relax at home (take a nap, read a book, lie around on the couch) while your husband and toddler go to brunch.

+1 A day home, alone, would be the best gift anyone could give me.

Agree with this. Just let your husband and child go over there and fit something in for you guys during some other point in the day. This is unless you are saying that your MIL demands an entire, fully-scheduled day of activities for her - at that point, your husband needs to carve some time out for you if that's what you want. But this is really something your husband should handle. I am hugely pregnant right now with DC2 so I am not planning on making any trips to visit my MIL or my mother (they are both within LONG driving distance, around 2 hours each way), but am totally happy if my husband and DC1 decide to spend the hours trekking back and forth to spend quality time.

I will say - the thing about Mother's Day that irks me the most is that I have to be the one who plans all of the Mother's Day activities, including ones that allegedly are for me. I am trying to stay out of it all this year because I am too tired and really am fine with just a "Happy Mother's Day" and kiss from DC1, but I am curious about the outcome of my experiment of not planning anything for my mother (aside from buying her present and calling her myself), my MIL, or me. Can you tell I am not a holiday person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first mother's day was shared with my MIL as well and I didn't love it really. I think splitting the day somehow it the best compromise while you all still live in the same town. It's on your DH to make sure you still feel special.

Why? My mother-in-law is my husband's mother. I am not my husband's mother.

[Anonymous]

Consider what you are going to want your grown child to do for you when he/she has kids. Will you happily give up Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

This is my first real Mother's Day (last year was technically my first but after recently having a c-section I was still sore, swollen, and hopped up on pain meds to enjoy it). We will not be spending the day with my MIL (who is local). I explained to my husband that this is really my day and I don't want to share. It's a little easier in my case since they are from a country that didn't celebrate Mother's Day so even though we have celebrated it in the past they are not attached to the tradition.

[Anonymous]

FFS. It's a made up holiday. Grow up and go out with your MIL along. You know-your husbands MOTHER.

[Anonymous]

My MIL has been visiting just about every Mother's Day because DS's birthday is also around the same time. Most of the time I'm totally OK with it, I get to spend time with my kids nearly everyday, and it's often when I have a lot of expectations for the day that I'm the most disappointed (like when my kids still throw tantrums when it's my birthday). I think mostly it's OK because my DH recognizes that I'm being a good sport and I feel appreciated as a Mother from my kids at other random times, regardless of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned once I had kids that there is a Mother's Day hierarchy. Luckily I love my MIL so it's not a problem. I was married before and my previous MIL was a real bitch so I totally get it.

Yes, and those actively mothering should be at the top of it.

[Anonymous]

You don't want to share? Too bad; you're an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my first real Mother's Day (last year was technically my first but after recently having a c-section I was still sore, swollen, and hopped up on pain meds to enjoy it). We will not be spending the day with my MIL (who is local). I explained to my husband that this is really my day and I don't want to share. It's a little easier in my case since they are from a country that didn't celebrate Mother's Day so even though we have celebrated it in the past they are not attached to the tradition.

WOW, and then in a few months you'll probably post "why is my mother in law so horrible to me." I get that she doesn't celebrate Mother's Day. Ok, fine. But your selfish attitude manifests itself in many other ways, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS. It's a made up holiday. Grow up and go out with your MIL along. You know-your husbands MOTHER.

Exactly! Lots of princesses around here. I'll be percefcly happy with a card that my son will bring from pre-k. That's the extent I want to celebrate. If you don't feel appreciated all the time, it's not worth making a big stink about it once/year.