Too old to date ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever heard the saying "Too old too marry, but too young to bury?".....Lol.

ROFL!!

Yes, I have.

I am a huge "Good Times" fan!! You must be too.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the others, this is a "you" issue and can be worked on. You are worthy of having friends.

I think you are lucky to have had a 4 year relationship. I was dying to have a LTR in my 20s. I met someone, fell in love and married. Inexperienced and naive...now divorced. But a lot smarter dating again in my early 40s.

This will not just get better. If you're not changing, neither will the situation. I'm not introverted, so I don't know what that feels like...but there have to be ways to cope with this so you can at least feel worthy of friends and love when it is given to you. Good luck. I really do hope you will look into getting some help from a good therapist.

[Anonymous]

You're setting yourself up for an abusive relationship of you feel like this, OP. Get therapy ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the others, this is a "you" issue and can be worked on. You are worthy of having friends.

I think you are lucky to have had a 4 year relationship. I was dying to have a LTR in my 20s. I met someone, fell in love and married. Inexperienced and naive...now divorced. But a lot smarter dating again in my early 40s.

This will not just get better. If you're not changing, neither will the situation. I'm not introverted, so I don't know what that feels like...but there have to be ways to cope with this so you can at least feel worthy of friends and love when it is given to you. Good luck. I really do hope you will look into getting some help from a good therapist.

Why did you get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I do have major self esteem issues to the point where I feel horrible even for my friends for even liking me. I had a bf for 4 years a few years back and I felt like I was holding him back like he shouldn't waste his time with me. So I broke up with him, I never loved him but we were comfortable together.

My ideal relationship would be where a man who is single doesn't want to be alone either. Doesn't want to come home to an empty house, has his meals ready fit him, dishes and laundry done for him. And I'm just like his maid and companion in the evenings. That way he could still date if he wanted to if he didn't really like me. I don't know where to find this guy though.

omg

[Anonymous]

I've heard Donald Sterling will soon be available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way! I did not even get married until I was 34 and had my first child at 35. Get yourself out there and have fun!!!

+1

[Anonymous]

At 31 I felt I was in the prime of my life. 34 now with two kids. Married at 27 and I now think that was too young. Why are u asking for the worst and feel so undeserving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you been in therapy? You are a prisoner of your own psyche. That you feel "horrible" for your friends because they care for you? That you feel all you are worthy of is being a maid for someone, but not love, commitment, partnership...such a terribly distorted perception of yourself.
Was your childhood very difficult?

Op here. I've never been to therapy. My childhood was really good for the most part I have great parents. My mother however is like me or I'm like her in the fact that for whatever reason we can not give and receive love. She has never told me she loves me or ever hugged me that I can remember. I know she does love me as we have a very close relationship.

Also when I was a child my older sibling was murdered so I am now an only child. Being the child who lived has been hard as my parents lost there outgoing althletic superstar child and got left with boring me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you REALLY need to see a good therapist to talk about your self-perception and your family.

That said, I felt a little silly calling my now-husband my "boyfriend" when I was 29 (we got engaged when I was 30). It seemed like a frivolous word to use, especially at work, and I would have preferred to have been married already.

[Anonymous]

That doesnot sound like a really good childhood, OP.
And you have basically told us you are worthless, and that your ideal relationship is with someone who considers you worthless. Why have you not tried therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you been in therapy? You are a prisoner of your own psyche. That you feel "horrible" for your friends because they care for you? That you feel all you are worthy of is being a maid for someone, but not love, commitment, partnership...such a terribly distorted perception of yourself.
Was your childhood very difficult?

Op here. I've never been to therapy. My childhood was really good for the most part I have great parents. My mother however is like me or I'm like her in the fact that for whatever reason we can not give and receive love. She has never told me she loves me or ever hugged me that I can remember. I know she does love me as we have a very close relationship.

Also when I was a child my older sibling was murdered so I am now an only child. Being the child who lived has been hard as my parents lost there outgoing althletic superstar child and got left with boring me.

First, this is a tragedy. Second, please, please do not refer to yourself like this. You are a human being with characteristics unique to you. There is nobody else on the planet who has these. You are worthy of love if you are a loving person. IF I could reach through this computer and give you a hug right now, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard Donald Sterling will soon be available.

I am so damn tired of hearing about this person.

Plus, he is the most ugliest looking cow I have ever laid eyes on.

No amount of money can attract me to his ugly 80 yr. old self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the others, this is a "you" issue and can be worked on. You are worthy of having friends.

I think you are lucky to have had a 4 year relationship. I was dying to have a LTR in my 20s. I met someone, fell in love and married. Inexperienced and naive...now divorced. But a lot smarter dating again in my early 40s.

This will not just get better. If you're not changing, neither will the situation. I'm not introverted, so I don't know what that feels like...but there have to be ways to cope with this so you can at least feel worthy of friends and love when it is given to you. Good luck. I really do hope you will look into getting some help from a good therapist.

Why did you get divorced?

We were not well-suited for each other. There were red flags early on, but I did not talk much about the relationship with my friends and family. We did things with other people, but the lying and fighting, I didn't discuss. We come from different family backgrounds (not just economically, but religious, functional vs. dysfunctional, etc.). There are a host of reasons, but the bottom line is, we were not good for each other, fought a lot, he was verbally abusive and lied constantly. It was no way to raise kids and I realized this when mine were very young, but old enough to witness our relationship. I figured if I continued on, they would turn out like my ex (having probably witnessed a similar relationship between his parents). I wasn't going to knowingly screw up my kids. And if your next question is, "why did you marry him?" I will respond with what I said above. I was inexperienced and naive. I believed people could change, I believed all of his reasons, I believed him when he said we shared the same goals. I wish there was this forum or one of the many others where I've learned and read about relationships. I'm fairly sure if I knew then, what I know now, I would not have continued dating him. But that damn hindsight is not very helpful. It has just made me savvier now. And I've got two great kids who I may not have had otherwise. I'm cool with it, but it is most definitely my biggest mistake and regret -- my poor choice in a husband. If I had known this was an issue for me, I would have sought counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe you should seek an arranged marriage? i'll be 31 soon and i get the feeling of wanting to be settled already, but dating in my 20s was aLOT of fun.

I would love an arranged marriage but I don't know how to go about that. I'm white and 4th generation American so my culture doesn't do that. I just hate the dating and meeting part. No aspect of dating to me is fun it's all work and awful. I'd like to meet a guy and just be in a relationship from the beginning.

I know 3 different white American Orthodox Jews in arranged marriages. They met a pre-vetted guy, had a single chaperoned "date" and got engaged.