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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree with the others, this is a "you" issue and can be worked on.  You are worthy of having friends.

I think you are lucky to have had a 4 year relationship.  I was dying to have a LTR in my 20s.  I[b] met someone, fell in love and married.  Inexperienced and naive...now divorced[/b].  But a lot smarter dating again in my early 40s.

This will not just get better.  If you're not changing, neither will the situation.  I'm not introverted, so I don't know what that feels like...but there have to be ways to cope with this so you can at least feel worthy of friends and love when it is given to you.  Good luck.  I really do hope you will look into getting some help from a good therapist.[/quote]

Why did you get divorced?[/quote]

We were not well-suited for each other.  There were red flags early on, but I did not talk much about the relationship with my friends and family.  We did things with other people, but the lying and fighting, I didn't discuss.  We come from different family backgrounds (not just economically, but religious, functional vs. dysfunctional, etc.).  There are a host of reasons, but the bottom line is, we were not good for each other, fought a lot, he was verbally abusive and lied constantly.  It was no way to raise kids and I realized this when mine were very young, but old enough to witness our relationship.  I figured if I continued on, they would turn out like my ex (having probably witnessed a similar relationship between his parents).  I wasn't going to knowingly screw up my kids.  And if your next question is, "why did you marry him?"  I will respond with what I said above.  I was inexperienced and naive.  I believed people could change, I believed all of his reasons, I believed him when he said we shared the same goals.  I wish there was this forum or one of the many others where I've learned and read about relationships.  I'm fairly sure if I knew then, what I know now, I would not have continued dating him.  But that damn hindsight is not very helpful.  It has just made me savvier now.  And I've got two great kids who I may not have had otherwise.  I'm cool with it, but it is most definitely my biggest mistake and regret -- my poor choice in a husband.  If I had known this was an issue for me, I would have sought counseling.[/quote]

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