Families and money - cheapskate

[Anonymous]

Thanks Hawaii. I feel like I do need to apologize for the yelling. And maybe I do need a professional on this - I'm not sure about going so much into the past, because there are soooo many instances like the ice cream! He would do this to my brother too - who is special needs - and my brother would cry!!! My brother would just look at my step dad with bewildered eyes when my stepdad was pulling his weird money games. And then when the money went away the tears came. It was horrible. I remember my mom asking him for $$ for things - food, the heating bill, and he would always just whine at her, never really saying no, but never paying either. It was awful.

He rarely cleaned up after himself, and he couldn't cook, and my mom worked late, so I had to do the cooking for us all. I hated it. I still hate cooking. Okay, vent vent. Off to see therapist now.

[Anonymous]

The $160 is the only current relevant issue. Parents aren't obligated to pay for their children's college educations. My parents didn't pay for ours (sibs and I are in our late forties and early fifties). I now pay for my own kids' college costs, but it's my choice.

[Anonymous]

Grow up OPP. Your stepfather's money is not yours. His financial arrangement with your mother is none of your business. Your first mistake was in buying the tickets without securing from him exactly how much he wanted to spend and what type of tickets he wanted to buy. You made a choice to spend his money without knowing exactly how much he wanted to spend.Your second mistake was in not securing the full reimbursement before he left. By not pushing the issue politely while he was in your home, you implied that you were agreeing to the arrangement. Third, you acted like an immature child by calling him up and calling him names. You then demanded the money, which he said he would give you. You then, once again acting like a child, refused the reimbursement. What the hell do you really want? It sounds to me like you just want to be angry and play the part if perpetual victim. At this point, he offered to reimburse you and you refused. It's over. You don't get the money and it is your own fault. However, it seems like you need to get some help to deal with your issues regarding your stepfather and learn how to act like a mature adult when you are around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

when I read about modern monetary obligations of step-parents, it seems like they are expected to step up and support their "kids."

Where, exactly, have you read this?

Section 475(f)(3) of the Higher Education Act of 1965 specifies that if the parent responsible for completing the FAFSA has remarried as of the application date, the stepparent’s financial information must be reported on the FAFSA. This requirement applies regardless of whether the parent is divorced, separated or a widow or widower.

There are no exceptions, not even if you have a prenuptial agreement, file separate income tax returns or weren’t married until this year.

If you appeal for more aid because your husband refuses to contribute, the appeal will be denied.

NONE of this obligates either parent or step-parent to help in college tuition or related expenses. It just means that the parents' and step-parents' income and assets are used to help determine financial aid. If the parents/step-parents aren't assisting, then the child should be writing their own information on the FAFSA, not parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

when I read about modern monetary obligations of step-parents, it seems like they are expected to step up and support their "kids."

Where, exactly, have you read this?

Section 475(f)(3) of the Higher Education Act of 1965 specifies that if the parent responsible for completing the FAFSA has remarried as of the application date, the stepparent’s financial information must be reported on the FAFSA. This requirement applies regardless of whether the parent is divorced, separated or a widow or widower.

There are no exceptions, not even if you have a prenuptial agreement, file separate income tax returns or weren’t married until this year.

If you appeal for more aid because your husband refuses to contribute, the appeal will be denied.

NONE of this obligates either parent or step-parent to help in college tuition or related expenses. It just means that the parents' and step-parents' income and assets are used to help determine financial aid. If the parents/step-parents aren't assisting, then the child should be writing their own information on the FAFSA, not parents.

Exactly. OP, I think you need therapy. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

^I agree re: OP's issues but you're wrong on the FAFSA. You have to include parents' income whether they assist or not.

[Anonymous]

You have a weird sense of entitlement to your step fathers money. And you are too involved in your mother and stepfather's affairs.

If he is such a cheapskate why would he suggest giving the tickets to special needs kids. That isn't what cheapskates do - they would sell them and get every penny they could from them.

You sounds like you have poor boundaires and a bit of a flair for the dramatic - you like to play the victim.

I agree that therapy would be helpful for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you stuck your neck out (monetarily) for a person whom you had good reason to think might disappoint you.

You should learn from this lesson. Adjust your expectations.

The details - blah,blah,blah really don't matter (I hope cause I didn't read your whole post) If you dwell on the details, you will not be focusing on the right thing and will just set yourself up for more hurt the next time, with a slightly different scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Since your mother is a doormat, your stepfather assumes you are the same.

Stop fronting for him! Problem solved.

OP here - I like the simplicity of this, and somehow it makes me feel better.

Agreed, no more money matters with these folks. And yes, I kick myself for fronting the money, well knowing that I was putting myself in a bad spot.

When they were here, I did ask for the $160, and he didn't refused to respond or do anything, just turned away (this is his usual mode of "dealing" with things he doesn't want to deal with). I didn't want to get into a fight in front of the grandkids while they were here. After they left I called and let him have it and called him cheap, and he offered to send a check, and I refused to accept it.

How about say what you mean and mean what you say? Why the hell wouldn't you take the check after you browbeat him for it?

While you're at it, demand the tuition checks, too.

[Anonymous]

If he is such a cheapskate why would he suggest giving the tickets to special needs kids. That isn't what cheapskates do - they would sell them and get every penny they could from them.

OP here, He didn't suggest it, I did, and I did all the work to find a home to send them to. He magnanimously agreed that I could do that - even though I was paying for the tickets. And he knew I was paying for them (although he hadn't let ME know that yet).

People, I agree I need help - why pile on? I guess that's the DCUM way, and yet again, I've opened myself up to that.

[Anonymous]

Op...your mom married a douche.....I would have resented him too if I grew up with him and watched him pinch pennies with my mother. Accept that you can't change him and limit your contact with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a weird sense of entitlement to your step fathers money. And you are too involved in your mother and stepfather's affairs.

If he is such a cheapskate why would he suggest giving the tickets to special needs kids. That isn't what cheapskates do - they would sell them and get every penny they could from them.

You sounds like you have poor boundaires and a bit of a flair for the dramatic - you like to play the victim.

I agree that therapy would be helpful for you.

She doesn't have a sense of entitlement, she was just basically saying how she wishes he wasn't such a douche and bought her and her brother an ice cream cone every now and then with love in his heart instead of being a complete ass. Is that really why you are saying that she's too involved and entitled?

And no she isn't too involved her parents affairs. It was her household after all, idiot.

Boundaries and victim? Bwahahahaha that's funny pp, because. I think YOU need therapy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Since your mother is a doormat, your stepfather assumes you are the same.

Stop fronting for him! Problem solved.

OP here - I like the simplicity of this, and somehow it makes me feel better.

Agreed, no more money matters with these folks. And yes, I kick myself for fronting the money, well knowing that I was putting myself in a bad spot.

When they were here, I did ask for the $160, and he didn't refused to respond or do anything, just turned away (this is his usual mode of "dealing" with things he doesn't want to deal with). I didn't want to get into a fight in front of the grandkids while they were here. After they left I called and let him have it and called him cheap, and he offered to send a check, and I refused to accept it.

How about say what you mean and mean what you say? Why the hell wouldn't you take the check after you browbeat him for it?

While you're at it, demand the tuition checks, too.

While you are at it pp, read. She stated why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up OPP. Your stepfather's money is not yours. His financial arrangement with your mother is none of your business. Your first mistake was in buying the tickets without securing from him exactly how much he wanted to spend and what type of tickets he wanted to buy. You made a choice to spend his money without knowing exactly how much he wanted to spend.Your second mistake was in not securing the full reimbursement before he left. By not pushing the issue politely while he was in your home, you implied that you were agreeing to the arrangement. Third, you acted like an immature child by calling him up and calling him names. You then demanded the money, which he said he would give you. You then, once again acting like a child, refused the reimbursement. What the hell do you really want? It sounds to me like you just want to be angry and play the part if perpetual victim. At this point, he offered to reimburse you and you refused. It's over. You don't get the money and it is your own fault. However, it seems like you need to get some help to deal with your issues regarding your stepfather and learn how to act like a mature adult when you are around him.

Grow up pp. She never said it was.

[Anonymous]

My mother married the same type of man. Luckily, I was 19 and never had to live with him. It was horrible visiting them though. Now he has Alzheimers and she has to take care of everything for him and he has two selfish children who have manipulated him so his will was changed to leave everything to them. My mother, in the same financial situation as your mother, will get very little except for one small token that amounts to less than 5% of his worth. They have been married for almost 30 years. All of my mother's working money went to their joint account. A small token came from him. She paid all bills except cable which he wanted, paid for the house, food, etc. My mother cannot even visit us in DC for a week without him and his kids calling to argue against it and say that she is selfish. She has been here a total of 2 weeks in 2 years because of this. Forget about the $160. Make sure your mother will be covered when he passes. It will be so much more valuable.