Are my DD's bf's parents racist? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm not buying the post. I haven't heard anyone used the word "coloreds" since the 1960s, and even then it was old people.

[Anonymous]

Sigh...If you think it's a troll, why not just stroll?

Go to the next post. Let everyone else entertain the topic.

[Anonymous]

Totally awkward for you, but you & your daughter are teaching two racists idiots that their beliefs are dumb. So, it's a positive thing that you never have to do again.

[Anonymous]

What's more, you and your daughter are teaching the CHILD of two racist idiots that their beliefs are not tenable into the next generation. Which is a really worthwhile thing. (And normally I'm pretty wary of positions which insist that black folks are responsible for teaching white folks about racism, but I think kids get a pass on that?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally awkward for you, but you & your daughter are teaching two racists idiots that their beliefs are dumb. So, it's a positive thing that you never have to do again.

Op here great way to think about it! Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh...If you think it's a troll, why not just stroll?

Go to the next post. Let everyone else entertain the topic.

Its fine if you want to have fun with it, but pretty offensive if someone else is getting off on stirring up stories of racism. There's enough real racism in the world and its pretty sick of someone to exploit it. OP hasn't been back, further strengthening the feeling its a troll.

[Anonymous]

Wow! That's really tough, OP, but remember DD will go on to other BFs. Just gently guide her not to accept disrespect and to expect better behavior, especially from future ILs.

One thing to learn from DCUM is that IL strife NEVER goes away. I learned this myself when I married a guy from another religion. ILs never quite got over the difference, even though DH always dated people of many faiths. (BTW, they're racist too -- unfortunately -- by DH isn't and turns about to be a great husband despite family influences.) Though not as harsh as racism, conflicts NEVER go away and in fact get worse as holidays come along, so tell DD to expect respect as Rule #1. That's what I'm telling my kids, anyway. If eventually it becomes a deal-breaker, that's OK because your kids and mine deserve unconditional love. She's very young, but what she hears now will help her for the rest of her life.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

FWIW, it seems like his parents were at least making an effort. Poorly to be sure, but give them credit for good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! That's really tough, OP, but remember DD will go on to other BFs. Just gently guide her not to accept disrespect and to expect better behavior, especially from future ILs.

One thing to learn from DCUM is that IL strife NEVER goes away.I learned this myself when I married a guy from another religion. ILs never quite got over the difference, even though DH always dated people of many faiths. (BTW, they're racist too -- unfortunately -- by DH isn't and turns about to be a great husband despite family influences.) Though not as harsh as racism, conflicts NEVER go away and in fact get worse as holidays come along, so tell DD to expect respect as Rule #1. That's what I'm telling my kids, anyway. If eventually it becomes a deal-breaker, that's OK because your kids and mine deserve unconditional love. She's very young, but what she hears now will help her for the rest of her life.

Good luck!

+1. My friend had a boyfriend or two that ended up breaking up with her because the parents did not approve of their white and in another case Latino son dating an African American woman. In one situation the parents were nice right up until the engagement. The main thing is that the guys did not have the backbone to stand up to their parents. As professional adults,one guy in his 40's, they depended on their parents for monetary or some other type of support that made it more difficult to cut the cord. I don't know if your daughter's boyfriend will be that type of guy, he is young. But as she starts dating in college and beyond, if the guy is not willing to put her first and this is a relationship that seems like it is heading toward marriage, she needs to be willing to move on.

There is always something a parent can be unhappy about in regards to the person their child is dating I.e. different religion, different education level, different SES, different views, different perspective on household division of labor (I.e. believes son should never change a diaper and you aren't being a good wife if he has to lift a finger). You can't control that. However, you can expect your partner to support you and respect you and you CAN control who you date and how you allow yourself to be treated.

[Anonymous]

That term is still in use down south....

[Anonymous]

I didn't want my kids dating colored people. I don't give a shit if anyone calls me racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want my kids dating colored people. I don't give a shit if anyone calls me racist.

Hey, we already awarded the troll points. Don't come in on page three expecting to get any.

[Anonymous]

Troll, and not a very good one. An excellent troll would post again. Note OP's silence.

That's the tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll on this. No way a 16 year old boy invites the parents of the girl he just "recently" started dating over FOR DINNER. No way.

Not the OP, but it sort of happened with us. Our DD's BF's mother (single parent) took us out to dinner when our kids started dating.

as a parent, I would want to meet my kids' BF/G. Why wouldn't you? Doesn't matter if it's serious or not. If they are "dating" then as a parent, you want to know who your kid is getting involved with.

Yes, of course you want to meet the parent. But go back and read the original post. It goes from being introduced to parents to leaving bf's parents' house after dinner in the same sentence. Sixteen year old boys do not invite parents over for dinner. Their parents do. And if they are racist, as in using terms like "colored people," they are not inviting the parents of a biracial girl over for dinner.

And while we're at it, no "strong black woman" needs to come to DCUM to ask if her daughter's boyfriend's parents are racist. She's been black all her life. She knows racism pretty well.

Troll.

The bolded part is the key