Reply to Are my DD's bf's parents racist? What should I do?

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Reply to "Are my DD's bf's parents racist? What should I do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow! That's really tough, OP, but remember DD will go on to other BFs. Just gently guide her not to accept disrespect and to expect better behavior, especially from future ILs.

<b>One thing to learn from DCUM is that IL strife NEVER goes away.</b>I learned this myself when I married a guy from another religion. ILs never quite got over the difference, even though DH always dated people of many faiths. (BTW, they're racist too -- unfortunately -- by DH isn't and turns about to be a great husband despite family influences.) Though not as harsh as racism, conflicts NEVER go away and in fact get worse as holidays come along, <b>so tell DD to expect respect as Rule #1. That's what I'm telling my kids, anyway. If eventually it becomes a deal-breaker, that's OK because your kids and mine deserve unconditional love. </b>She's very young, but what she hears now will help her for the rest of her life.

Good luck![/quote]

+1.  My friend had a boyfriend or two that ended up breaking up with her because the parents did not approve of their white and in another case Latino son dating an African American woman.  In one situation the parents were nice right up until the engagement. The main thing is that the guys did not have the backbone to stand up to their parents.  As professional adults,one guy in his 40's,  they depended on their parents for monetary or some other type of support that made it more difficult to cut the cord.  I don't know if your daughter's boyfriend will be that type of guy, he is young.  But as she starts dating in college and beyond, if the guy is not willing to put her first and this is a relationship that seems like it is heading toward marriage, she needs to be willing to move on.

There is always something a parent can be unhappy about in regards to the person their child is dating I.e. different religion, different education level, different SES, different views, different perspective on household division of labor (I.e. believes son should never change a diaper and you aren't being a good wife if he has to lift a finger).  You can't control that.  However, you can expect your partner to support you and respect you and you CAN control who you date and how you allow yourself to be treated.  [/quote]

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