Sister Problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see at all how this relates to feminism. It sounds like laziness!

OP is the one who tried to link a 3-9 break from working as an affront to her mother's feminist ideals. We didn't start that.

[Anonymous]

OP,

It sounds like you are the older, conscientious, diligent sibling, and your younger sibling may be more laid back. I know how crazy it may make you feel to watch a family member "waste" her time by not trying to make something of her life. However, she is an adult, and unless she is causing actual harm to herself or others, you need to just get over it.

I have a younger brother who is much worse than the sibling you are describing. He not only refused to work but caused a lot of emotional, financial and legal woes for the entire family. Although I could see that it would end badly for him, and tried repeatedly to intervene, there is actually not much you can do. So, i can relate on some level to your frustration. But trust me when I say what you are describing doesn't sound that bad.

You and she are different people. She may not want the same things you do, and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I know that in the end it is my sister's choice. I guess we are just two VERY different people. She married young at 22 to the first person she fell in love with. I didn't agree with that as well and told her she needs to live some more and experience more before marrying, but she said she knew he was the one. I asked her again the night before her wedding if she had any doubts and she said no that she had none. They appear to be best friends and I'm really hoping everything works out for her. She worked and supported him while he was going to school and interning so maybe she feels like it's her turn to be supported. I just don't understand why she is choosing to be a house wife. She is smarter than that and better than that. She already put off going back to school this summer, whats going to stop her from not going back in the fall too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I know that in the end it is my sister's choice. I guess we are just two VERY different people. She married young at 22 to the first person she fell in love with. I didn't agree with that as well and told her she needs to live some more and experience more before marrying, but she said she knew he was the one. I asked her again the night before her wedding if she had any doubts and she said no that she had none. They appear to be best friends and I'm really hoping everything works out for her. She worked and supported him while he was going to school and interning so maybe she feels like it's her turn to be supported. I just don't understand why she is choosing to be a house wife. She is smarter than that and better than that. She already put off going back to school this summer, whats going to stop her from not going back in the fall too.

OP, I suggest you find a way to accept and trust your sister, before you fracture your relationship with her.

I am a lot like your younger sister, and you're a lot like my older sister. We no longer speak, because I refuse to put up with her judgment and condescension. Ultimately, do you want your sister to fit a paradigm of what you believe makes someone a success, or do you think happiness and contentment are forms of success? What your sister does or doesn't do with her life is not up for your analysis. As long as she's not hurting anyone else, and seems to be pretty happy, then trust and accept her. Or you may lose your sister entirely. You talk a lot about "choices" - well, there's your choice. You decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I know that in the end it is my sister's choice. I guess we are just two VERY different people. She married young at 22 to the first person she fell in love with. I didn't agree with that as well and told her she needs to live some more and experience more before marrying, but she said she knew he was the one. I asked her again the night before her wedding if she had any doubts and she said no that she had none. They appear to be best friends and I'm really hoping everything works out for her. She worked and supported him while he was going to school and interning so maybe she feels like it's her turn to be supported. I just don't understand why she is choosing to be a house wife. She is smarter than that and better than that. She already put off going back to school this summer, whats going to stop her from not going back in the fall too.

Op, she may never go back to school and that is ok!!! Srsly, you and your sister are different people and will approach the world differently. Accept her for who she is and don't try to make her into something else. Right now she is a housewife so work on accepting it!

Your relationship will be better off if you myob
-signed someone who has spent decades accepting her sisters vast differences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I know that in the end it is my sister's choice. I guess we are just two VERY different people. She married young at 22 to the first person she fell in love with. I didn't agree with that as well and told her she needs to live some more and experience more before marrying, but she said she knew he was the one. I asked her again the night before her wedding if she had any doubts and she said no that she had none. They appear to be best friends and I'm really hoping everything works out for her. She worked and supported him while he was going to school and interning so maybe she feels like it's her turn to be supported. I just don't understand why she is choosing to be a house wife. She is smarter than that and better than that. She already put off going back to school this summer, whats going to stop her from not going back in the fall too.

Doctors tend to lack social skills IMO. Why are you giving her shit the night before her wedding! Lay off! Sounds like there is a history of you meddling.

What does your sister think of your relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you intend to be a great, effective doctor, you have got to work on this judgmental attitude. It will poison your relationships with your patients and they will not share the information that you need to treat them effectively. Go to therapy, read book, go on a retreat. Just do something to work through this feeling of superiority and judgment. It's not healthy for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. SAHMs get dire warnings all the time on these boards about stepping out of the workforce. You people really see no problem with this woman simply choosing not to work at all?

Our society is set up to punish women who decide to stay home and take care of the children. Unless you are rich, childcare becomes expensive with 2 kids, so most women choose to stay home. Look at the BS response when a baseball player wanted to spend a couple of days with his wife while she was giving birth (ended up with a C section.) Paternity leave is frowned upon by MEN. Once MEN (and some women) change their attitudes about what Men and Women should do, we will all be in a better place.

They also punish women who seek a divorce whose exes refuse to pay child support. Yes, they can do jail time and wages can be garnished, but there are ways around that. I see it happen to some people. The guys dump their kids. These losers actions after the divorce probably indicate what they were like when married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and our mother was a single parent while we were growing up who worked her butt off to give us everything. She taught me and my sisters how to be strong women and that we don't need men to support us. I feel like my sister's recent decisions are just a slap in the face to my mother. Even though they appear happy now, what happens when my sister's husband leaves her. She will have nothing.

Oh! I see what the problem is. Yes, a good therapist can definitely help to fix this. Your problem is that because your mom was a single mom you believe All Men Leave. That's why you are assuming your BIL will leave your sister. Therapy can help you with this for sure.

Worry about your own life. Let your sister lead hers the way she wants to.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Hit the nail on the head. OP, if her husband leaves her husband leaves. No amount of worry will protect her from that. They sound happy so just support her and hope for the best!

Also, no amount of being a great career woman could prevent a man from leaving, either. Lots of good women end up with nothing, despite thinking they had everything under control. Enjoy Med school, OP. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. SAHMs get dire warnings all the time on these boards about stepping out of the workforce. You people really see no problem with this woman simply choosing not to work at all?

Correct. I see no problem with any person's genuine choice regarding employment so long as said employment or lack thereof is legal and not a burden to others or public sources of support/assistance (so if her choosing not to work meant the family was on welfare, I might have an objection on that basis).

[Anonymous]

Are you married, OP? Or have you pushed men away since they don't fit into your plan to be a completely self-sufficient woman? Your sister's life choices must feel like a slap in the face to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you intend to be a great, effective doctor, you have got to work on this judgmental attitude. It will poison your relationships with your patients and they will not share the information that you need to treat them effectively. Go to therapy, read book, go on a retreat. Just do something to work through this feeling of superiority and judgment. It's not healthy for anyone.

I agree. Please go into radiology.

[Anonymous]

So getting married to her best friend who she knew was "the one" in her early 20s was naive? Supporting her husband while he finished school, then taking the time to reflect and figure out what she wants to do once her husband is in a position to reciprocate is not smart and discards all the values your mother raised you with?

That's a whole lot of judgment for you to be carrying around. It's also rather bold that you felt free to share your disapproval the night before her wedding and again now when she's only been unemployed for all of 4 months. (Was no one in your family or circle of friends affected by the recession? My best friend was un/underemployed for 2 years!) You come off as harsh here. I'm sure your sister picks up on what you really think, even if you're trying to be diplomatic in your delivery. Your sister is an adult, has been living as an adult for long time, and you need to work on accepting that.

Honestly, if my sister behaved like you have, I have her at arms length as much as possible - she certainly wouldn't know about my current employment situation, family planning decisions, how happy or unhappy my marriage is - nothing that invites the condescension or your speculation as to what my mother would think of me now. Also - you're still a student! Why do you feel you have so much more adult life experience than she does? You may be older but you don't sound wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you married, OP? Or have you pushed men away since they don't fit into your plan to be a completely self-sufficient woman? Your sister's life choices must feel like a slap in the face to you.

Not op, but what in the heck is wrong with marrying your college boyfriend? Yes, maybe it's best to wait till you are a bit older. The divorce rates speak to that. But frankly, I'm in my late thirties, still single, and my college boyfriend would have been just a good a choice to marry as anyone else I've dated. Instead I was king do a jerk to him because deep down I wanted more freedom and now he is married with kids and seems very happy. I'm alone. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Autocorrect gone crazy.