Do most men cheat in their marriage every now and then?

[Anonymous]

No. That's like saying most men are animals acting on sex drive with no ability to control their actions. I know my DH will peep at an attractive woman - as I do with attractive men - but it begins and ends there because we are committed to each other and love each other. There are plenty of men out there who value home and family more than getting off.

Also there are plenty of ways to bring variety into the married bedroom. =)

[Anonymous]

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were taking an evening walk last night and he very randomly and casually said something along the lines of how he doesn't think humans were designed to be monogamous because he sees a hot chick thinks about hooking up but wouldn't because he loves me and wouldn't want anything to happen to me. But the desire for something "different" or "strange" is still there. He then said he thinks it's God testing our faith/vows. I dunno about the last part but the first makes me nervous! Maybe he just felt comfortable being open with me...we have been married 4 years and he is 15 years my senior for background.

Honestly, it sounds like he's testing the waters with comments like that. Think about if you were to throw out a comment like that randomly -- what would prompt *you* to say something like that?

I don't know. We are very open and honest with eachother about everything. Even though I believe what he said is probably a very normal feeling for a married man I don't want to hear that! I told him that I understand his feelings and remember the days of being sexually wanted and desired by my ex bfs and flings. Which is true. He didn't say anything but then made playful comments the rest of the night about all the nice things he's done for me vs my ex's. Admittedly, we've been in a lull due to some fertility problems and procedures. But I don't think that's mattered as he has been very matter of fact about men wanting "strange" since we've met. He's just never outright said he's been checking out women and thinking about it. Trying not to think too much into it but it still bothers me.

You don't want to hear it because you don't want it to be true, or you don't want to hear it because you think your husband is magical and only gets it up for you? The naivete and moral preening I read here can be mentally debilitating. If you and your husband are so open and honest, why are you so shocked? Oh, and I just love the ever-so-popular refrain of "real men do x". Puh-lease. Let me guess plenty of Promise Keepers who are "minding the gap". Wake up and smell the hypothalamus, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men can't stay monogamous well. But this some. Not most. OP if you are looking for rationalization, you may be like this, but it's not that most other people are and don't talk about it.

And, no, most cheating is not with escorts. I think about 13% of US men have been with a prostitute ever.

But really, does it matter what "most" people do? If this is you, you need to work out an open marriage and find a partner who would also like the privilege of straying some. This happens (remember swingers?) Find a way to live your life happily without lying. That is what many people do do, or at least should do.

I think the preferred term nowadays is "sex professional." Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some - yes
Most - STFU

I honestly think it's more than "some", i don't know if you are messing with me but i think you already know that ( it doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating btw, i don't know if you realized that).

I honestly think it's only some.
What makes your estimation more accurate? I know I haven't met every married man and I'm pretty sure you haven't so who's knows...I do know that exaggerated presumptions of MOST or ALL are often wrong.

OK let me put it this way, why do you think that nearly ALL men who visit escorts are MARRIED? this is a FACT.
ALL statistic about cheating say that MEN cheat more than woman why do you think so? this is also a FACT.
MOST men get bored of their wife and that's why they visit sex workers. They don't get a divorce or deal with the issue with their wives because to them it's not a big deal, men are different to women as they can separate love and sex, this is another FACT.

Now i have most likely given you enough evidence as to why my estimations are more accurate. Still don't believe? do some research yourself and you'll see. Most wives don't know how men work as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were taking an evening walk last night and he very randomly and casually said something along the lines of how he doesn't think humans were designed to be monogamous because he sees a hot chick thinks about hooking up but wouldn't because he loves me and wouldn't want anything to happen to me. But the desire for something "different" or "strange" is still there. He then said he thinks it's God testing our faith/vows. I dunno about the last part but the first makes me nervous! Maybe he just felt comfortable being open with me...we have been married 4 years and he is 15 years my senior for background.

He might be looking to trade you in for a younger model. Or maybe he didn't realize he would come off sounding that way.
It would be interesting if you said something similar about a handsome man you saw (MUCH younger than hubby.) But be careful. It might hurt his ego and he decides to pursue another woman.

Mine knows that if the trust is gone, the marriage is over. So he doesn't do anything to make me doubt him. I treat him with the same respect.

I've heard that argument before, but then why would a woman even bother to be monogamous? Why not find he best stud, have sex to get pregnant (since that's what nature intended), and dump him? Then all the "studs" would pass on their genes and "less fit" men would never reproduce. Eventually only the "best" men and women would be on the planet. This doesn't happen.

So why do women choose to stay with "less fit" men and reproduce with them? Because they will stick around to take care of the child, ensuring its survival. So the genes are passed on. So the "less fit" man has passed on his genes. Be definition, that makes him "fit." The term "survival of the fittest" means that those who are equipped to survive and pass on their genes will do so. (These are examples of successful organisms.) Those who are not (fit), die without passing on their genes. Being fit doesn't mean having a great body. You can have a great body and be dumb as a rock and get killed early in life. Bill Gates isn't sexy to me, but he's very smart and made billions. That makes him a success. His wife certainly thinks he was attractive enough to reproduce with him.

People are wired differently. Some are monogamous and some are not. Some are hetero, some are not. People need to be honest with each other and be true to themselves. If he's not the monogamous type and you are, then your marriage won't work. If you are both the same, then it will work (barring other issues.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men get bored and need variety ( you have to admit that), so do you think that most men pay an escort every now and then to get some entertainment? i think that most wives are totally oblivious of this secret hobby of their husbands especially if their hubby doesn't change his behavior and is even more nicer! who agrees?

Nah - I'm way too lazy and cheap, and free porn is easy to find.

I second that. But seriously, my wife and I have been together forever, watch porn, role play, and still think of new things to do. She is also a good listener outside the bedroom so why go elsewhere?

Wife here. This is a good example of why I cheat: he won't do some things I like, won't try anything new, won't watch porn with me, no role playing or toys. Bo-ring.

Then divorce him. No need to cheat. Anyone who cheats is a liar (breaking their vows). Once a cheater, always a cheater!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men can't stay monogamous well. But this some. Not most. OP if you are looking for rationalization, you may be like this, but it's not that most other people are and don't talk about it.

And, no, most cheating is not with escorts. I think about 13% of US men have been with a prostitute ever.

But really, does it matter what "most" people do? If this is you, you need to work out an open marriage and find a partner who would also like the privilege of straying some. This happens (remember swingers?) Find a way to live your life happily without lying. That is what many people do do, or at least should do.

IF she wants a monogamous relationship, then why would she ever consider an open marriage? If he doesn't want to be monogamous, it's his right. He should man up and tell her so she can divorce him and find someone better suited for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men can't stay monogamous well. But this some. Not most. OP if you are looking for rationalization, you may be like this, but it's not that most other people are and don't talk about it.

And, no, most cheating is not with escorts. I think about 13% of US men have been with a prostitute ever.

But really, does it matter what "most" people do? If this is you, you need to work out an open marriage and find a partner who would also like the privilege of straying some. This happens (remember swingers?) Find a way to live your life happily without lying. That is what many people do do, or at least should do.

IF she wants a monogamous relationship, then why would she ever consider an open marriage? If he doesn't want to be monogamous, it's his right. He should man up and tell her so she can divorce him and find someone better suited for her.

100% agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some - yes
Most - STFU

I honestly think it's more than "some", i don't know if you are messing with me but i think you already know that ( it doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating btw, i don't know if you realized that).

I honestly think it's only some.
What makes your estimation more accurate? I know I haven't met every married man and I'm pretty sure you haven't so who's knows...I do know that exaggerated presumptions of MOST or ALL are often wrong.

OK let me put it this way, why do you think that nearly ALL men who visit escorts are MARRIED? this is a FACT.
ALL statistic about cheating say that MEN cheat more than woman why do you think so? this is also a FACT.
MOST men get bored of their wife and that's why they visit sex workers. They don't get a divorce or deal with the issue with their wives because to them it's not a big deal, men are different to women as they can separate love and sex, this is another FACT.

Now i have most likely given you enough evidence as to why my estimations are more accurate. Still don't believe? do some research yourself and you'll see. Most wives don't know how men work as well.

Where are these conclusive "facts" coming from? - Cosmopolitan? Women's Day? Reader's Digest?
Where are these irrefutable statistics coming from? - Wikipedia?
I'm married as are most of my friends and co-workers but I don't recall any of us ever being interviewed or contributing to any surveys about infidelity. I'd be willing to bet that MOST married men haven't contributed to any such exploratory audits either so how in the hell is a small sample size of a few married men or a few escorts conclusive enough to constitute factual evidence?
If you're that deadset on believing everything that's put in print or displayed on a webpage as absolute truth then your gullible ass is RIPE to get cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some - yes
Most - STFU

I honestly think it's more than "some", i don't know if you are messing with me but i think you already know that ( it doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating btw, i don't know if you realized that).

I honestly think it's only some.
What makes your estimation more accurate? I know I haven't met every married man and I'm pretty sure you haven't so who's knows...I do know that exaggerated presumptions of MOST or ALL are often wrong.

OK let me put it this way, why do you think that nearly ALL men who visit escorts are MARRIED? this is a FACT.
ALL statistic about cheating say that MEN cheat more than woman why do you think so? this is also a FACT.
MOST men get bored of their wife and that's why they visit sex workers. They don't get a divorce or deal with the issue with their wives because to them it's not a big deal, men are different to women as they can separate love and sex, this is another FACT.

Now i have most likely given you enough evidence as to why my estimations are more accurate. Still don't believe? do some research yourself and you'll see. Most wives don't know how men work as well.

Where are these conclusive "facts" coming from? - Cosmopolitan? Women's Day? Reader's Digest?
Where are these irrefutable statistics coming from? - Wikipedia?
I'm married as are most of my friends and co-workers but I don't recall any of us ever being interviewed or contributing to any surveys about infidelity. I'd be willing to bet that MOST married men haven't contributed to any such exploratory audits either so how in the hell is a small sample size of a few married men or a few escorts conclusive enough to constitute factual evidence?
If you're that deadset on believing everything that's put in print or displayed on a webpage as absolute truth then your gullible ass is RIPE to get cheated on.

Yes i am gullible but smarter than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some - yes
Most - STFU

I honestly think it's more than "some", i don't know if you are messing with me but i think you already know that ( it doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating btw, i don't know if you realized that).

I honestly think it's only some.
What makes your estimation more accurate? I know I haven't met every married man and I'm pretty sure you haven't so who's knows...I do know that exaggerated presumptions of MOST or ALL are often wrong.

OK let me put it this way, why do you think that nearly ALL men who visit escorts are MARRIED? this is a FACT.
ALL statistic about cheating say that MEN cheat more than woman why do you think so? this is also a FACT.
MOST men get bored of their wife and that's why they visit sex workers. They don't get a divorce or deal with the issue with their wives because to them it's not a big deal, men are different to women as they can separate love and sex, this is another FACT.

Now i have most likely given you enough evidence as to why my estimations are more accurate. Still don't believe? do some research yourself and you'll see. Most wives don't know how men work as well.

Where are these conclusive "facts" coming from? - Cosmopolitan? Women's Day? Reader's Digest?
Where are these irrefutable statistics coming from? - Wikipedia?
I'm married as are most of my friends and co-workers but I don't recall any of us ever being interviewed or contributing to any surveys about infidelity. I'd be willing to bet that MOST married men haven't contributed to any such exploratory audits either so how in the hell is a small sample size of a few married men or a few escorts conclusive enough to constitute factual evidence?
If you're that deadset on believing everything that's put in print or displayed on a webpage as absolute truth then your gullible ass is RIPE to get cheated on.

Yes i am gullible but smarter than you think.

In other words you can corroborate your claim about most men cheating based on the 2/3 results you clicked on in your Google search. Yeah real smart. Well despite your dedicated research I still say its some married men not most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men can't stay monogamous well. But this some. Not most. OP if you are looking for rationalization, you may be like this, but it's not that most other people are and don't talk about it.

And, no, most cheating is not with escorts. I think about 13% of US men have been with a prostitute ever.

But really, does it matter what "most" people do? If this is you, you need to work out an open marriage and find a partner who would also like the privilege of straying some. This happens (remember swingers?) Find a way to live your life happily without lying. That is what many people do do, or at least should do.

IF she wants a monogamous relationship, then why would she ever consider an open marriage? If he doesn't want to be monogamous, it's his right. He should man up and tell her so she can divorce him and find someone better suited for her.

100% agree

+1

[Anonymous]

No. I dated a guy who was a cheater. When I was with him my view of the world was that all men must cheat. Then I met my DH and I realized that good guys do exist. You need to avoid the players who are always looking for the next best thing or who need to feed their egos everyday or are just never satisfied in life.

[Anonymous]

A variety of surveys over time have reported the proportion of married men who cheat at around 20% and the rate for women has been approaching men's, especially among younger people (there's still a higher rate for men among older people). So no, I don't think there's any reliable support for the assertion that "most" married men cheat.

The notion that men crave the "strange" and variety more than women is losing ground, and recent research suggests that women have a harder time maintaining interest in monogamous relationships than men do. In other words, women's libido is more vulnerable to the boredom of monogamy; it's possible that women actually need the "strange" more than men do, we've just been conditioned and socialized against it.

"The theory most often mentioned across disciplines is that women, like men, are inclined to promiscuity. This notion is so far supported by animal studies and long-range surveys of women, which have found that low levels of sex drive are correlated with the number of years they’ve been in a monogamous relationship; women’s sexual interest in steady partners may plummet even more quickly than men’s. This view is corroborated in the book by couples therapists who specialize in trying to help women regain sexual interest in their partners through thought experiments and mandatory date nights. They are notably pessimistic about how much heat all this homework can be expected to generate. The crucial point, Bergner writes, is that flagging sex drive is not just an inevitability for women — it is specifically the result of long-term monogamy. Even the hormonal decrease of menopause can be entirely overridden by the appearance of a new sexual partner. According to Berg­ner, Kim Wallen, the psychologist who discovered the role of cages in monkey sex, “thought that monogamy was, for women, a cultural cage — one of many cultural cages — distorting libido.”"
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/16/books/review/what-do-women-want-by-daniel-bergner.html?_r=0

Whether men are still more prone than women to act on it by actually cheating is also, as mentioned above, getting more questionable:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/women-cheating-men-study/story?id=13885519
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200910/marital-infidelity-how-common-is-it
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/blackwhiteandgray/2012/10/the-closing-gender-gap-in-infidelity/
http://www.businessweek.com/news/2013-07-01/cheating-wives-narrowed-infidelity-gap-over-two-decades