How affectionate is your significant other?

[Anonymous]

This might sound weird, but my DH is suddenly overly affectionate and lovey. I find it weird. He's never been like that before and after 9 years of marriage, and I haven't complained about a lack of affection or sex, it's suddenly like he's all into being lovey-dovey. Also suddenly complaining about our sex life, though we're fairly medium at twice/week. Would be more if our schedule allowed and he knows that. I wish he would go back to doing it once in awhile instead of seeming desperate to send me sexts( which I hate ) and try to grab my butt when I get home from work. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Someone's getting his fire going, PP. Better give that some thought. It's classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might sound weird, but my DH is suddenly overly affectionate and lovey. I find it weird. He's never been like that before and after 9 years of marriage, and I haven't complained about a lack of affection or sex, it's suddenly like he's all into being lovey-dovey. Also suddenly complaining about our sex life, though we're fairly medium at twice/week. Would be more if our schedule allowed and he knows that. I wish he would go back to doing it once in awhile instead of seeming desperate to send me sexts( which I hate ) and try to grab my butt when I get home from work. WTF.

this is not new to my DH, but I hear you. Very annoying. I feel like I'm married to a 19yr old young man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner and I are extremely affectionate. We go to sleep cuddling, wake up and cuddle, kiss a lot, and I can't keep my hands off her ass. She tells me I'm beautiful/ sexy/etc a lot. We've only been together for two years though, so I'm sure we're still "honeymooning" to some extent.

Uh. Yea.

write back after few rug rats and a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might sound weird, but my DH is suddenly overly affectionate and lovey. I find it weird. He's never been like that before and after 9 years of marriage, and I haven't complained about a lack of affection or sex, it's suddenly like he's all into being lovey-dovey. Also suddenly complaining about our sex life, though we're fairly medium at twice/week. Would be more if our schedule allowed and he knows that. I wish he would go back to doing it once in awhile instead of seeming desperate to send me sexts( which I hate ) and try to grab my butt when I get home from work. WTF.

Stab in the dark here, but it sounds like he's found Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life Primer. Sexts and drive by groping are suggestions there. A lot of men find their way to that resource because they don't feel loved, and they don't feel loved because their wives don't understand that sex is how a lot of men experience love from their wives. (In other words, it's not merely a physical need as a lot of wives seem to assume for some reason.) Anyway, MMSL recommends dirty texts and drive bys and long kisses during the day as a way of keeping the pump primed -- prompting their wives to regard marriage as a sexual relationship. Without those reminders, the thinking goes, a wife is likely to stay in "mommy" mode or regard her relationship to her husband as more platonic.

Athol's thinking has evolved somewhat in recent years. And a lot of guys seem to jump straight into the sexts and whatnot without first doing some of the harder work of building the underlying attraction that makes those things welcomed by their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they call you everyday with sweet nothings? Do they text you in the middle of the day telling you they miss your sexy eyes? Do they bring you flowers or leave behind a love note just because? Do they hold your hand? Do they grab your butt? Do they kiss you passionately when you walk by?

Ew. That would be too much for me. I don't like being grabbed and poked at all day.

Cuddling on the couch, kisses/hugs hello and good-bye, and sex are all I need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they call you everyday with sweet nothings? Do they text you in the middle of the day telling you they miss your sexy eyes? Do they bring you flowers or leave behind a love note just because? Do they hold your hand? Do they grab your butt? Do they kiss you passionately when you walk by?

Ew. That would be too much for me. I don't like being grabbed and poked at all day.

Cuddling on the couch, kisses/hugs hello and good-bye, and sex are all I need.

+1 - if my husband texted me and groped me that would weird me out. He kisses me goodbye in the morning and hugs me when I come home. He says something nice nearly every day - about my outfit or thanking me for something I did. I try to reciprocate, but I am the less affectionate/romantic one and it takes effort. That said, he appreciates my effort because he knows I do it to show him I love him.

[Anonymous]

Do your spouses try to hug on you and kiss on you when you are in the middle of doing something? My DH is too much for me and it is especially irritating when he starts in when I'm cooking dinner, cleaning up, or unloading the dishwasher.

This overwhelming affection is an ENORMOUS turn off. If he is reading the book the PP is talking about, it is surely backfiring. Not all of us want/ need affirmation every second of the day.

For me, a man is sexy when he is not desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your spouses try to hug on you and kiss on you when you are in the middle of doing something? My DH is too much for me and it is especially irritating when he starts in when I'm cooking dinner, cleaning up, or unloading the dishwasher.

This overwhelming affection is an ENORMOUS turn off. If he is reading the book the PP is talking about, it is surely backfiring. Not all of us want/ need affirmation every second of the day.

For me, a man is sexy when he is not desperate.

Just curious- why do you think your husband is desperate for showing you affection outside of the bedroom? Do you take a minute between your daily activities to show him affection or does he have to initiate it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your spouses try to hug on you and kiss on you when you are in the middle of doing something? My DH is too much for me and it is especially irritating when he starts in when I'm cooking dinner, cleaning up, or unloading the dishwasher.

This overwhelming affection is an ENORMOUS turn off. If he is reading the book the PP is talking about, it is surely backfiring. Not all of us want/ need affirmation every second of the day.

For me, a man is sexy when he is not desperate.

I obviously don't know your situation, but the dynamic can result in a Catch-22 for a guy who isn't getting affection from his wife. Like you say, frequent groping can result in a perception that he's looking for affirmation, in your words, "every second of the day." He would respond that there are many seconds -- perhaps even a majority of seconds -- during the day when he's not looking for affirmation. But the only seconds where he registers on your attention his when he's seeking affirmation that you don't want to give. So, lets say he backs off -- there is a real danger that he disappears entirely from your perception. (I say "you" and "your" generally -- like I say, I don't know PP's situation.)

The trick for a guy is to become more attractive to his wife, and if there's simply no attracting her, choose between an inadequate or non-existent sex life or finding a new wife. If a wife thinks her husband is hot, she'll welcome the groping. And if he backs off, she'll come looking for him.

[Anonymous]

13:19 here - I agree with the other PP's that it's a turn off and I find it desperate. I don't know if he's reading this book, though, I highly doubt it. I think he's going through a time of self doubt and trying to reach out to whatever he can. That said, another PP mentioned that its possible that someone is stoking his fire, even though it might not be me. I've thought of that possibility. I still find it weird and a total turn off. There has to be a happy medium.