How affectionate is your significant other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. DW is not very affectionate. Funny about that saying to look at your MIL to see what your DW will look life..well didn't realize the same holds true for personality traits. There is no physical connection, but the lack of an emotional one is worse - would never have understood how someone could be lonely if they were married. I do now and its hard. Harder then those that have not experienced might think.

Feel for you. I would give you a hug if I could. No homo. BTDT, and you're right, next to no one understands. Try a dog. Seriously. They love you no matter what. And I'll refrain from peanut butter / nut sack jokes. But i am sorry for you. Shit drove me to a nasty affair.

[Anonymous]

He does a lot of this stuff and it is so fucking annoying.

I feel sorry for him because he likes the romance and I'm just not into it. I'm kinda a dude like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. DW is not very affectionate. Funny about that saying to look at your MIL to see what your DW will look life..well didn't realize the same holds true for personality traits. There is no physical connection, but the lack of an emotional one is worse - would never have understood how someone could be lonely if they were married. I do now and its hard. Harder then those that have not experienced might think.

So, you could be my DH (except the part about my mother). My DH is just way too over the top with his affection. It can be too much. Something is not special when it is handed out constantly at all times, it kind of ruins the mystery. We do have sex, not as much as DH would like, about 1x/week because I'm tired. I know it is exhaustion because we just went on vacation together for a week and had sex daily. I feel like so many people want so much from me, the kids, my work, running the house ( and he IS a good partner in that), but sometimes I just want to be left alone.

Have you said what you are saying here directly to your wife? about being lonely? I wonder if my DH feels this way, he has told me that he feels like he loves me more than I love him and it was pretty sad to hear come out of his mouth, so I'm trying harder to show it more. DO you think your wife would agree with you and your statements above about not having an emotional connection? Because when my DH said that to me, i did not feel the same way, but know I need to make changes.

I think for people like yourself and my DH, we are attracted to each other for a dysfunctional reason. You probably really liked the hunt and the chase, but it eventually turned into this. Love addicts and love avoiders most often come together.

[Anonymous]

My husband? Basically not at all. My OM? More so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. DW is not very affectionate. Funny about that saying to look at your MIL to see what your DW will look life..well didn't realize the same holds true for personality traits. There is no physical connection, but the lack of an emotional one is worse - would never have understood how someone could be lonely if they were married. I do now and its hard. Harder then those that have not experienced might think.

So, you could be my DH (except the part about my mother). My DH is just way too over the top with his affection. It can be too much. Something is not special when it is handed out constantly at all times, it kind of ruins the mystery. We do have sex, not as much as DH would like, about 1x/week because I'm tired. I know it is exhaustion because we just went on vacation together for a week and had sex daily. I feel like so many people want so much from me, the kids, my work, running the house ( and he IS a good partner in that), but sometimes I just want to be left alone.

Have you said what you are saying here directly to your wife? about being lonely? I wonder if my DH feels this way, he has told me that he feels like he loves me more than I love him and it was pretty sad to hear come out of his mouth, so I'm trying harder to show it more. DO you think your wife would agree with you and your statements above about not having an emotional connection? Because when my DH said that to me, i did not feel the same way, but know I need to make changes.

I think for people like yourself and my DH, we are attracted to each other for a dysfunctional reason. You probably really liked the hunt and the chase, but it eventually turned into this. Love addicts and love avoiders most often come together.

PP here. Lady you don't have a clue. Who said anything about over the top affection. You talk about sex once a week - we haven't had sex in years. We barely touch. Can you please get your head out of your ass. I am nothing like your DH; and I could give a fuck that so many people want something from you. And yes I am sure all the DW will jump in and tell me that of course if I behave like this my wife won't do x,y,z. So fucking tired on these self centered, entitled middle age women. Are you really that fucking stupid ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. DW is not very affectionate. Funny about that saying to look at your MIL to see what your DW will look life..well didn't realize the same holds true for personality traits. There is no physical connection, but the lack of an emotional one is worse - would never have understood how someone could be lonely if they were married. I do now and its hard. Harder then those that have not experienced might think.

So, you could be my DH (except the part about my mother). My DH is just way too over the top with his affection. It can be too much. Something is not special when it is handed out constantly at all times, it kind of ruins the mystery. We do have sex, not as much as DH would like, about 1x/week because I'm tired. I know it is exhaustion because we just went on vacation together for a week and had sex daily. I feel like so many people want so much from me, the kids, my work, running the house ( and he IS a good partner in that), but sometimes I just want to be left alone.

Have you said what you are saying here directly to your wife? about being lonely? I wonder if my DH feels this way, he has told me that he feels like he loves me more than I love him and it was pretty sad to hear come out of his mouth, so I'm trying harder to show it more. DO you think your wife would agree with you and your statements above about not having an emotional connection? Because when my DH said that to me, i did not feel the same way, but know I need to make changes.

I think for people like yourself and my DH, we are attracted to each other for a dysfunctional reason. You probably really liked the hunt and the chase, but it eventually turned into this. Love addicts and love avoiders most often come together.

PP here. Lady you don't have a clue. Who said anything about over the top affection. You talk about sex once a week - we haven't had sex in years. We barely touch. Can you please get your head out of your ass. I am nothing like your DH; and I could give a fuck that so many people want something from you. And yes I am sure all the DW will jump in and tell me that of course if I behave like this my wife won't do x,y,z. So fucking tired on these self centered, entitled middle age women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. DW is not very affectionate. Funny about that saying to look at your MIL to see what your DW will look life..well didn't realize the same holds true for personality traits. There is no physical connection, but the lack of an emotional one is worse - would never have understood how someone could be lonely if they were married. I do now and its hard. Harder then those that have not experienced might think.

So, you could be my DH (except the part about my mother). My DH is just way too over the top with his affection. It can be too much. Something is not special when it is handed out constantly at all times, it kind of ruins the mystery. We do have sex, not as much as DH would like, about 1x/week because I'm tired. I know it is exhaustion because we just went on vacation together for a week and had sex daily. I feel like so many people want so much from me, the kids, my work, running the house ( and he IS a good partner in that), but sometimes I just want to be left alone.

Have you said what you are saying here directly to your wife? about being lonely? I wonder if my DH feels this way, he has told me that he feels like he loves me more than I love him and it was pretty sad to hear come out of his mouth, so I'm trying harder to show it more. DO you think your wife would agree with you and your statements above about not having an emotional connection? Because when my DH said that to me, i did not feel the same way, but know I need to make changes.

I think for people like yourself and my DH, we are attracted to each other for a dysfunctional reason. You probably really liked the hunt and the chase, but it eventually turned into this. Love addicts and love avoiders most often come together.

PP here. Lady you don't have a clue. Who said anything about over the top affection. You talk about sex once a week - we haven't had sex in years. We barely touch. Can you please get your head out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

Lots of 'I love yous' but no sweet nothings or spontaneous compliments. Always greets me with a kiss and will hold hands if we're out alone together or something (which is rare these days). Flowers once or twice a year. In short, he's pretty reserved with his affection, and it often leaves me feeling lonely, but I knew he was this way when I married him. He shows his love in other ways, like insisting on taking the kids out for part of the weekend when I'm stressed out, and I try to appreciate that for what it is.

[Anonymous]

Depends in the day and time. Last night he got in bed and promptly turned away from me. Then, this morning, the alarm goes off and he snoozes it 3 times so he can cuddle. Some nights I lay on his chest on the couch. Some nights we sit at opposit ends. I just accept it and wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine does all that physical stuff, but after 2 kids sometimes I need a break where no one touches me

ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Lady you don't have a clue. Who said anything about over the top affection. You talk about sex once a week - we haven't had sex in years. We barely touch. Can you please get your head out of your ass. I am nothing like your DH; and I could give a fuck that so many people want something from you. And yes I am sure all the DW will jump in and tell me that of course if I behave like this my wife won't do x,y,z. So fucking tired on these self centered, entitled middle age women.

+1

Another DH here. My wife and I have sex maybe once a month. I try to be affectionate outside the bedroom, hold hands, give hugs, etc. I help with the laundry, I wash the dishes, I even cook once or twice a week. I understand being tired and totally understand the need to be left alone and untouched as cited by some women.

But you know what- when did it become such a fucking chore to be intimate with your husband? You want to be left alone? Fine. I'll go get a blowjob from the woman in my office. Just don't act surprised when you find out. When you put your husband's needs last, he'll put them first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does a lot of this stuff and it is so fucking annoying.

I feel sorry for him because he likes the romance and I'm just not into it. I'm kinda a dude like that.

That's the fallacy. You're not like a dude. You're like a person with an attachment disorder; low anxiety/high avoidance attachment style. I wouldn't come at you for that, but when women say their messed relationship skills make them like men, it truly offends me. Men, based on their gender, are not genetically incapable of intimacy and affection.

[Anonymous]

No - he does not really do anything unless I do it first. There are no I love you's..and sometimes I don't even get a "goodnight".

Its quite depressing. He doesn't know how to hold a normal conversation with me. In fact he never initiates conversation. I feel like I do ALL the work to make our relationship into something.

Its horrible but I find myself thinking back to other relationships where I had much more chemistry and conversations. In fact, sometimes I wonder why the hell I married him. I don't even know if I'm in love with him, or if I ever was. I love him, but I think I got married because we'd been together for 3 years and I was just getting too old. Sad but looking back I think its true.

We have a lovely child together, and frankly if we didn't, I think I would be long gone. He is a great father, but I feel extremely alone. I have never in my life contemplated cheating, but I can certainly understand why people start looking elsewhere - at least for an emotional connection with someone. I feel like our personalities just don't mesh and he doesn't "get" me at all.

I know I need to stop glamorizing past relationships. They ended for a reason. But I felt so much more fulfilled. Now I feel nothing.

[Anonymous]

Were you all in love with your spouse before you married him/her?

How was affection and communication then?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I are extremely affectionate. We go to sleep cuddling, wake up and cuddle, kiss a lot, and I can't keep my hands off her ass. She tells me I'm beautiful/ sexy/etc a lot. We've only been together for two years though, so I'm sure we're still "honeymooning" to some extent.