Dating a man who is separated, what do I need to know?

[Anonymous]

OP,

It depends. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. How long has he been separated? Children?

[Anonymous]

There are many guys available up there. Don't waste your time waiting for this potential cheater to set free for you. You'll end up frustrated, like my sister.

[Anonymous]

He may still go back! I know plenty of couples who were separated, living apart, for over a year even, YEARS even, and got back together.

[Anonymous]

why do you want the baggage?

Just meet a nice, single guy.

Stay away from the damaged goods out there. Or, at least wait till he is 100% free and clear (and ask to see the divorce papers).

[Anonymous]

My husband was separated when we met and in the process of divorce paperwork. He was 100% emotionally moved on and they had no children together. It worked out fine.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, why do folks get remarried so quickly? No time for self or to enjoy being single for a bit? Seems a bit desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, why do folks get remarried so quickly? No time for self or to enjoy being single for a bit? Seems a bit desperate.

Who said anything about remarrying? OP said they were newly dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask to see the paperwork.

If he sleeps with you he could be found at fault in his divorce.

Personally, I wouldn't engage. Separation means less than a year after several years in a relationship. No matter what he says, he only wants to get laid and is not going to be emotionally available.

Why does he need to be emotionally available? Maybe she just wants to see bluebirds and stars, too, ya know? Not everything has to be about touchy feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Seeing someone just like you and we are already talking marriage. We both know what we really want and this outcome wasn't initially sought but fell into place naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Seeing someone just like you and we are already talking marriage. We both know what we really want and this outcome wasn't initially sought but fell into place naturally.

You sound a lot like my husband! Except that he was married for 10 years, the limit he set for himself on the day he married his pregnant then-girlfriend. He put his all into making the marriage work, but shortly before the ten year mark, she asked for a divorce. It had been over for a long time before that though. We began dating months after he moved out, were married 2 years later, just had a baby....

Be very cautious, but you don't need to automatically write him off.

So

[Anonymous]

Does separate really mean separate? That is, separate dwellings, separate bank accounts? Stbx wife knows he is dating and is ok? Kids (if applicable) know dad and mom are separated and are aware one of them might find someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Seeing someone just like you and we are already talking marriage. We both know what we really want and this outcome wasn't initially sought but fell into place naturally.

You sound a lot like my husband! Except that he was married for 10 years, the limit he set for himself on the day he married his pregnant then-girlfriend. He put his all into making the marriage work, but shortly before the ten year mark, she asked for a divorce. It had been over for a long time before that though. We began dating months after he moved out, were married 2 years later, just had a baby....

Be very cautious, but you don't need to automatically write him off.

So

He was married to his ex wife much longer than you, so be careful what you say. Glass houses and all.

[Anonymous]

In VA, you need to have been separated for a year to file for divorce. If he hasn't filed yet, is that because it's been less than a year since he moved out? I would hesitate to date some one who hasn't taken a year to re-organize his personal life after a marriage falling apart. If it's been more than a year and the divorced hasn't been filed for, why?

Obviously we have no idea who you're talking about but the the recent divorcee I know is moving out of the country soon and it's not clear he's told his girlfriend that. I'd be very careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In VA, you need to have been separated for a year to file for divorce. If he hasn't filed yet, is that because it's been less than a year since he moved out? I would hesitate to date some one who hasn't taken a year to re-organize his personal life after a marriage falling apart. If it's been more than a year and the divorced hasn't been filed for, why?

Obviously we have no idea who you're talking about but the the recent divorcee I know is moving out of the country soon and it's not clear he's told his girlfriend that. I'd be very careful.

It's only 6 months wen there are no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of desperation to jump into a new relationship before the last one is even done. Obviously to some people marriage is pretty meaningless so they don't care about ending it before starting another relationship but I would run from any one who wanted to get into a serious relationship while they were still married and detangling themselves from that one.

My divorce took three years. Most people are divorced within 9 months and dating after two years.

So there are lots of exceptions to what you wrote above. I was fully ready to date at some point. I didn't, and I regret it.