Just lost 50 pounds and friends say I look ugly

[Anonymous]

Why would they say that? Horrible. Do they expect you to put the weight back on? If you are happy and your husband likes it, (and men do pay more attention to the body than the somewhat aging face), then ignore them. Make sure you're hydrated and getting healthy fat, and your skin should improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--First, congratulations. That's a laudable achievement and you should be proud. I have known many friends who have lost a significant amount of weight (at least 40 lbs or 20% of their body weight) and universally they all looked pale, unhealthy and their skin looked unnatural at first. Your body has lost a lot of weight that is based upon essentially going into starvation mode where it is taking in a lot fewer calories than it had been used to and with which it can sustain itself. It changes the way your internal systems are processing and storing glucose, glycogen and fat. For example, you get a pale, wan look because in an effort to retain heat and not have to use energy to keep you warm, the blood vessels retract from the surface of the skin further down. However, also univerally, after a few months of a plateau, your body readjusts. Among other things, the remaining fat in the body redistributes more evenly around the body making you look less emaciated. The blood vessels return to normal and the color returns to your skin. Usually within about 4-6 months, those who have lost a lot of weight look much healthier.

For example, look at the photos of Matthew McConaughey here: http://www.eonline.com/news/377853/matthew-mcconaughey-spills-on-magic-mike-research-and-recent-rapid-weight-loss

The first photo is after his big weight loss. Notice that his skin has a bit of a greyish cast to it, wrinkles around the face and hairline, and he does have a bit of the emaciated look. The photo is from August 2013.

Then look at the screen cap of the video interview and notice that his skin has a healthier warmer color, some of the wrinkles around his face have filled in and he looks healthier. This photo is from January 2014.

Get your weight loss plans in order, follow through and just know that you won't look your best until a few months after you plateau when your body will readjust to its new weight. You might still have some wrinkles at that point (it happens when you lose a lot because you are just filling less of your skin than you used to, and the body can only readjust so far) but you'll look much healthier all around.

OP here. Thank you for this. Very encouraging.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate all the advice and encouragement as the conversation really left me deflated after feeling so happy about my weight. I lost the weight intentionally and in a healthy medically supervised way. Also I am not underweight (bmi is 23.8) so I was really shocked by the comments.
I am really encouraged about the "face bouncing back" stories above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's all about how you feel. maybe a new haircut or wardrobe will help match you to your new body. everyone's face has wrinkles at your age so don't worry about it!

That's not true. I'm 48, 30 pounds overweight and only very light wrinkles.

You're chunky. I'm talking about all normal sized people. Wrinkles are natural.

But that's the whole point - I look better "chunky" with very few wrinkles than if I were "normal sized" and wrinkled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23.8 is a healthy BMI.

You'll have the last "laugh" when other people around you get diabetes, arthritis, heart disease.

Yes. The opportunity to laugh at sick people is what should really keep you going.

[Anonymous]

OP, these may be good friends but they were very insensitive and unkind. This happened to me, too, when I lost weight (and I had only returned to my pre-baby weight - it's not like I had withered away!). A good friend reacted much like your friends did, and it really hurt my feelings. Clearly it brought up their own issues. If they were genuinely concerned about your health and gently making sure you're okay, that's one thing - and would be within the bounds of a good, caring friendship. But insulting your appearance as they did is terribly rude and I highly doubt they were out for your own best interests, even if they truly believe that they were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they miss their fat friend?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's all about how you feel. maybe a new haircut or wardrobe will help match you to your new body. everyone's face has wrinkles at your age so don't worry about it!

That's not true. I'm 48, 30 pounds overweight and only very light wrinkles.

You're chunky. I'm talking about all normal sized people. Wrinkles are natural.

Holy crap, could you be more condescending? I suspect PP that is 30 pounds overweight is more "normal" or "average" compared to the rest of the country than you are.

[Anonymous]

Op, would you mind sharing your before and after weight?

I am turning 50 this year. I am 170 lbs but have a young looking face. People think I am 40 at best. I laugh it off and say that it is the extra fat filler in my face. There is truth to this.

So I appreciate what you are going through. I really want to lose 40 lbs in the next 2 years. I think (know) I can do it, but worry about just what you are talking about. But as some have said though, I need to get healthy and my looks will be what they will be. I have 3 small children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, these may be good friends but they were very insensitive and unkind. This happened to me, too, when I lost weight (and I had only returned to my pre-baby weight - it's not like I had withered away!). A good friend reacted much like your friends did, and it really hurt my feelings. Clearly it brought up their own issues. If they were genuinely concerned about your health and gently making sure you're okay, that's one thing - and would be within the bounds of a good, caring friendship. But insulting your appearance as they did is terribly rude and I highly doubt they were out for your own best interests, even if they truly believe that they were.

People say stupid things sometimes. When I was 8 weeks postpartum a lady that I knew at the time looked me up and down, shook her head and commented "If you started smoking again to take that weight off I really couldn't blame you." Well, hey, nice to see you, too . Funny thing was - the lady who said this to me was not trying to be mean at all. This was just her sudden, honest reaction to seeing me for the first time since I had given birth.

When your appearance changes like that, it takes a while for people to get used to it.

[Anonymous]

Chunky middle aged women look matronly to me.

A fit, in-shape body no matter the mug looks more youthful to me---with the exception of starvation/ haggard skinny. I am taking heathly, athletic thin.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the thread, but congratulations on losing weight, OP! I'm hitting 50, and need to lose 20 pounds, so I'm jealous that you did it!! I don't care if my face gets gaunt, I need to lose this fatty menopot I've developed around my middle. That's extremely unhealthy, and it's got to go.

Over 50, your looks are not going to remain the same. I've found that once I've gotten used to looking older, I don't mind how I look, and I actually think I'm more attractive than I was when I was in my 30s and 40s.

I'm sorry your colleagues are making you feel badly, OP. Just ignore them. If you want to lose 10 more pounds, do it if you are certain you are not getting obsessive about weight loss.

I was in a gym (not mine) the other day and saw a living skeleton! I could see this woman's knee joints very clearly -- it was sickening, like seeing a walking case of severe mental illness. Why the EMTs were not carting her away, I don't know. So, if you are like this woman, OP, do not lose another ounce, and get thee to a psychiatrist PRONTO!

If you truly need to lose another 10 pounds to get to a healthier weight (hey, if you started at 250 and are now 200, you are still overweight, unless you are a giant), then do it and don't listen to anyone.

Don't get a facelift, just wait a while, until you get used to the new you! And find some new colleagues and some new friends who appreciate you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haters.

+1

+ 2 CONGRATS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's all about how you feel. maybe a new haircut or wardrobe will help match you to your new body. everyone's face has wrinkles at your age so don't worry about it!

That's not true. I'm 48, 30 pounds overweight and only very light wrinkles.

You're chunky. I'm talking about all normal sized people. Wrinkles are natural.

Holy crap, could you be more condescending? I suspect PP that is 30 pounds overweight is more "normal" or "average" compared to the rest of the country than you are.

Thirty pounds overweight is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Are your friends a normal weight? If they are not, then this may say something about their own body image. If they are of normal weight, then you need to think about this carefully.

How did you lose the weight? Exercise and a balanced diet, or a diet that could leave you malnourished?

Did you lose the weight at a healthy rate?