Why do I need everyone to love me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm not joking, the first thing that came to my head was literally "daddy issues". I know a girl like this. She needs attention from guys because her dad is basically cold as hell and doesn't love her.

i'm a guy and the opposite is true for me. need validation from women in many ways.

my mom is/was cold as ice. aloof. distant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are divorced, dad left. Is that it, end of story, forever? Not everyone whose parents got divorced ends up this way.

No, but I think there are a few things at play that can influence the outcome. One is even when parents divorce, the daughter can still have a strong relationship with the dad. Or if the parents divorced late in the game, the daughter may have had good memories/relationship to fall back on. I think in absence of those things, self awareness, possibly therapy, and the role model your mom provided in terms of relationships can all play a role. My mom is beautiful, is smart, and never gave the impressions she needed male attention and most definitely never at the expense of being treated well. I think she , for better and worse, helped to shape some of my thoughts on dating.

I have not been to therapy, but one thing that I think helped back then (high school and college) was keeping a journal. I just recently found it and some of it is actually funny. I realize that I had a boy crazy part of me but my sense of pride/self worth helped me keep a line I wouldn't cross though I am sure I came close. I am not sure what you do to win a guy over but when I read over an old journal entry I had written "I need to know that he sees something in me, not that he is giving in. Wearing him down is not an option, my ego couldn't take it ..." You definitely don't want to be like Effie in Dreamgirls singing "And I am Telling You, Im Not Going"

[Anonymous]

Why would women hate getting older so much if they didn't want to keep getting male attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is fascinating for me to read. I am not like this, but I work with the woman who is. It really annoys me and frankly makes me not like her. She always directs her attention to the men in the room. She pretty much ignores women. Even if the only man in the room is an intern, she focuses on him. She flirts a lot with men and doesn't seem to like women very much. It's like she sees women as competition.

I guess my point is, it's good that you are aware that you do this. I suggest you make a concerted effort not to do this in the workplace.

There are men who are like this too. I dated one and now know that I do not want to date this type anymore. Some people just crave attention from the opposite sex and like to flirt with people even if they don't want to date them. Interestingly, his mother abandoned his family when he was preteen.

I understand your frustration with her behavior, but please try to understand she hates it more than you do. None of us want to feel like this.

Op seems self aware. But many women who are like this are not. They says stuff like, "I'd rather be friends with guys! Women are so bitchy" and "I'd rather work with men than women," which is bad for other women.

Totally disagree. I'm not one of these women that craves attention from men. In fact, other than my husband, I don't care much either way. BUT I'm am a woman who generally prefers working with other men, and have some good male friends. I also have dear girlfriends, but overall I find most men less annoying and less maintenance (ie more secure) than most women and I simply don't want the drama, especially at work.

[Anonymous]

Because you don't love yourself? So you by yourself is never enough. You need to work on finding inner peace by accepting yourself for who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would women hate getting older so much if they didn't want to keep getting male attention?

Don't be silly. The harshest critics of a woman's appearance are other women.

[Anonymous]

Enough bickering. Those of us who are boy crazy, let's go back to dishing about our crushes!

[Anonymous]

I'm flirting with my old boyfriend's best friend online. Does that count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are divorced, dad left. Is that it, end of story, forever? Not everyone whose parents got divorced ends up this way.

No, but I think there are a few things at play that can influence the outcome. One is even when parents divorce, the daughter can still have a strong relationship with the dad. Or if the parents divorced late in the game, the daughter may have had good memories/relationship to fall back on. I think in absence of those things, self awareness, possibly therapy, and the role model your mom provided in terms of relationships can all play a role. My mom is beautiful, is smart, and never gave the impressions she needed male attention and most definitely never at the expense of being treated well. I think she , for better and worse, helped to shape some of my thoughts on dating.

I have not been to therapy, but one thing that I think helped back then (high school and college) was keeping a journal. I just recently found it and some of it is actually funny. I realize that I had a boy crazy part of me but my sense of pride/self worth helped me keep a line I wouldn't cross though I am sure I came close. I am not sure what you do to win a guy over but when I read over an old journal entry I had written "I need to know that he sees something in me, not that he is giving in. Wearing him down is not an option, my ego couldn't take it ..." You definitely don't want to be like Effie in Dreamgirls singing "And I am Telling You, Im Not Going"

This is the op - I have journals from my teenage years too and it is all about boys! Just non-stop. It makes me sad because I feel like I should have been focused on school and my future. Oh well. But yes, a journal now is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here, very similar reactions to men as OP. I flirt constantly and crave attention from men.

My dad was only moderately engaged when I was a kid - travelled a lot - but we have a fantastic relationship now.

For those who have gone through therapy for this - what does it actually do for you? Does it teach you coping mechanisms, or do you really re-train yourself to not crave this attention? I find it hard to believe that I could ever stop liking the feeling of being desired!

The goal isn't to stop liking feeling desired, the goal is to understand why you crave it and see if there's another way to fulfill your need. Many of you posting sound like you have a hole to fill and you fill it with male attention. What you want to do is to figure out why you have that hole and how it got there. Once you have identified that, you may find better/healthier/more effective ways to address it. The healthiest and longest lasting relationships are between people who are complete and whole on their own. That's what you are aiming for.

Thanks, this makes me feel hopeful that it is possible to feel okay and good without needing the attention from men. Do you know of specific things? I really do feel this emptiness, even though I'm married with kids. I have a nice life, it's just lately I've had this desire for more attention from men. It's the exact same way I acted in my teens and twenties, needy and insecure and trying too hard to be sexy.

[Anonymous]

I think some women do this if they've always been pretty and nobody ever told them they have other good qualities, or tries to get them to develop other skills/talents or other aspects of personality.

I know a woman who could have written the original post. She doesn't have many good friends because it becomes completely obvious very quickly that it is all about her and she doesn't really care what is going on with her friends. If someone is having a real problem they want to talk about, she'll quickly change the subject to her latest date. She's obsessed with looks and thinness and you never see her without full hair/makeup/fancy clothes, even in casual settings. She can't have a conversation that isn't about dating or men. She can't go 5 minutes at a bar without trying to flirt with someone, even when she is actively seeing someone nice. She flirts with men that other women are interested in and then wonders why other women don't trust her. She goes out with guys in whom she has no interest because it's better than not having a date. She has guys from her past that she can't seem to get over, and obsesses about them, even though she has other opportunities with better guys. And she is basically showing her two daughters by example how to grow up to be vain, vacuous, shallow women who value nothing but looks and attention from men.

The way I've dealt with some of this is to say, "hey, we can talk about boys for the first 15 minutes tonight. Then we need to talk about other things." (we're both way too old for teenage conversations.) And honestly, I don't spend much time with her anymore, because she bores me. Also, as a single woman, it is discouraging to go out with someone who always has to have to focus on herself - that kind of behavior makes for a terrible wingman. I have never - not once - met a guy while out with her, and can't say the same thing about any of my other female friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would women hate getting older so much if they didn't want to keep getting male attention?

Nope, we keep ourselves looking good for other women, not as much for male attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would women hate getting older so much if they didn't want to keep getting male attention?

Nope, we keep ourselves looking good for other women, not as much for male attention.

Please explain - I never understand this obsession women have with other women's opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would women hate getting older so much if they didn't want to keep getting male attention?

Nope, we keep ourselves looking good for other women, not as much for male attention.

Please explain - I never understand this obsession women have with other women's opinions.

Me either. I love it when men tell me I look great. I could care less what other women think of my looks since I'm not a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of women are concerned about what people think of them in general, or what women think of them in general. Women can be really competitive with each other in a variety of arenas. I have some good female friendships, but over the years I've definitely seen some frenemy behavior too.

Women are more discerning about other womens' clothes. Men are not always that savvy on what is on trend or elegant or beautiful - but they generally appreciate what is sexy.