Why do I need everyone to love me?

[Anonymous]

I'm posting here because it happens mostly with relationships with guys. Why do I need all of them to like me and find me attractive? It's like I'm addicted to attention from men. I flirt automatically and I'm always paying attention to the men around me more than the women. If a guy seems to not like me it draws me to him the most, I have to win him over. Why am I like this?

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, you have daddy issues?

[Anonymous]

::Clicks ballpoint pen::

Tell me about your relationship with your father, and how your mother dealt with men.

[Anonymous]

My parents are divorced, dad left. Is that it, end of story, forever? Not everyone whose parents got divorced ends up this way.

[Anonymous]

NP. I'm not joking, the first thing that came to my head was literally "daddy issues". I know a girl like this. She needs attention from guys because her dad is basically cold as hell and doesn't love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are divorced, dad left. Is that it, end of story, forever? Not everyone whose parents got divorced ends up this way.

Well, it sure explains everything. Think about it - you are trying to get from men what you didn't get from your dad. He didn't pay attention/love you and you said when guys don't respond to your flirting it makes you try even harder to get them interested.

A few months of quality therapy could take you a long way. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

I started doing this in my mid 30s, even though I'd never done it before. It took me a while to figure it out, but it was because my father and I were having issues. We were always very close and something happened and he didn't speak to me for a few months. Holy meltdown!

I realized that it was making me display the least attractive quality there is: desperation. My father and I talked about the problem in our relationship, but he died a few weeks later. It has been a challenge to get rid of my need for attention from men. Some days are better than others. Finding a guy who acts like my father has been oddly comforting. I'm not chasing after losers any longer, but the strong desire for attention is still there.

[Anonymous]

Cognitive behavioral therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm not joking, the first thing that came to my head was literally "daddy issues". I know a girl like this. She needs attention from guys because her dad is basically cold as hell and doesn't love her.

Oh wow, is that why I'm like the OP? My dad is cold/Asperger's as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are divorced, dad left. Is that it, end of story, forever? Not everyone whose parents got divorced ends up this way.

Of course not, because some people whose parents are divorced still maintained a close relationship with their father. Others dealt with their issues with their father in a healthier way--either through therapy or some other way. And it's not the end of the story--if you really do want to change, look into therapy--CBT or similar can help you retrain your thoughts and reactions. You know it's unappealing behavior, so take the next step and do something about it.

[Anonymous]

New poster here, very similar reactions to men as OP. I flirt constantly and crave attention from men.

My dad was only moderately engaged when I was a kid - travelled a lot - but we have a fantastic relationship now.

For those who have gone through therapy for this - what does it actually do for you? Does it teach you coping mechanisms, or do you really re-train yourself to not crave this attention? I find it hard to believe that I could ever stop liking the feeling of being desired!

[Anonymous]

Wow. This is fascinating for me to read. I am not like this, but I work with the woman who is. It really annoys me and frankly makes me not like her. She always directs her attention to the men in the room. She pretty much ignores women. Even if the only man in the room is an intern, she focuses on him. She flirts a lot with men and doesn't seem to like women very much. It's like she sees women as competition.

I guess my point is, it's good that you are aware that you do this. I suggest you make a concerted effort not to do this in the workplace.

There are men who are like this too. I dated one and now know that I do not want to date this type anymore. Some people just crave attention from the opposite sex and like to flirt with people even if they don't want to date them. Interestingly, his mother abandoned his family when he was preteen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here, very similar reactions to men as OP. I flirt constantly and crave attention from men.

My dad was only moderately engaged when I was a kid - travelled a lot - but we have a fantastic relationship now.

For those who have gone through therapy for this - what does it actually do for you? Does it teach you coping mechanisms, or do you really re-train yourself to not crave this attention? I find it hard to believe that I could ever stop liking the feeling of being desired!

The goal isn't to stop liking feeling desired, the goal is to understand why you crave it and see if there's another way to fulfill your need. Many of you posting sound like you have a hole to fill and you fill it with male attention. What you want to do is to figure out why you have that hole and how it got there. Once you have identified that, you may find better/healthier/more effective ways to address it. The healthiest and longest lasting relationships are between people who are complete and whole on their own. That's what you are aiming for.

[Anonymous]

Google histrionic personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here, very similar reactions to men as OP. I flirt constantly and crave attention from men.

My dad was only moderately engaged when I was a kid - travelled a lot - but we have a fantastic relationship now.

For those who have gone through therapy for this - what does it actually do for you? Does it teach you coping mechanisms, or do you really re-train yourself to not crave this attention? I find it hard to believe that I could ever stop liking the feeling of being desired!

The goal isn't to stop liking feeling desired, the goal is to understand why you crave it and see if there's another way to fulfill your need. Many of you posting sound like you have a hole to fill and you fill it with male attention. What you want to do is to figure out why you have that hole and how it got there. Once you have identified that, you may find better/healthier/more effective ways to address it. The healthiest and longest lasting relationships are between people who are complete and whole on their own. That's what you are aiming for.

Doesn't everyone crave attention though?