Would you ever let the fact that your kids don't want to move keep you from moving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved around a lot when I was a kid. I will not do that to my children.
Sure I coped, I had no choice.

I love that our house has the children's height measurements notched in the doorway. I love how regularly the kids want to see if they've grown, or if they're as tall as sibling was at a particular time. It's goofy, but it's a tangible symbol of place that I never had when I was a kid.

I would only move if there were no other option or if the family as a unit agreed it was the right choice.

Military family here that has lived in 9 houses with kids and 12 houses total.

We have a measuring stick.it is a long, flat piece of wood that we painted and decorated. We mark the kids' growth on that every year on their birthdays. It goes with us in the car every time we move.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving within the same area and school district, that is. Not talking about leaving the area.

what about military families? Kids certainly have no choice. They deal.

We moved when my daughter was 9. pulled her from a private school and enrolled her in public

She had no choice and is doing fine even after a bit of protesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved around a lot when I was a kid. I will not do that to my children.
Sure I coped, I had no choice.

I love that our house has the children's height measurements notched in the doorway. I love how regularly the kids want to see if they've grown, or if they're as tall as sibling was at a particular time. It's goofy, but it's a tangible symbol of place that I never had when I was a kid.

I would only move if there were no other option or if the family as a unit agreed it was the right choice.

omg

Where's the melodramatic music to accompany your post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone that moved a lot as a kid and went to 9 different schools, I will
Never move my children unless absolutely necessary. I was a shy, introverted child and it was awful
To leave relationships I had whenever we moved. I was left without a sense of roots and very tea earful
That my father always put
His career ambitions over his children's needs. I am a well adjusted adult that has a good
Life now, but I don't feel as
If I have a home
Like many of my peers. I want my
Children to have a lifelong home with friends they have known forever.

Where do you live?
next to June Cleaver?

I stayed local. My best friend has been in Italy for over 20 years. My other pal has been in IL for about the same amount of time. Another good pal has been in NYC for 15 years.

Sure, make it your "forever" home, but you'll probably be the only "forever" family on the block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved around a lot when I was a kid. I will not do that to my children.
Sure I coped, I had no choice.

I love that our house has the children's height measurements notched in the doorway. I love how regularly the kids want to see if they've grown, or if they're as tall as sibling was at a particular time. It's goofy, but it's a tangible symbol of place that I never had when I was a kid.

I would only move if there were no other option or if the family as a unit agreed it was the right choice.

Military family here that has lived in 9 houses with kids and 12 houses total.

We have a measuring stick.it is a long, flat piece of wood that we painted and decorated. We mark the kids' growth on that every year on their birthdays. It goes with us in the car every time we move.,

I think that's a great idea. There are all sorts of ways to lessen the difficulty of moving. But that's just it - you're trying to minimize the difficulty. My parents (mostly) had no choice, because the job moved us. My father could have chosen a different job, and to be honest I think that would have been wise. Introverted children being uprooted constantly is just extremely difficult. The idea that you'll easily make new friends wherever you go is laughable. Sometimes you move to areas where other children are also transplants and that can be easier than moving to an area where everyone's known each other since kindergarten, but it's still difficult. Moving in the middle of an Eagle project likely means it never gets restarted. Moving during a difficult patch in piano lessons can mean you never regain your mojo. Almost every school system required a new round of testing to "appropriately" place us, even though they had our complete records. It just gets old after awhile. Not to say there isn't value - I gained a lot from the moves as well. Overall, however, I view the experience of moving throughout my childhood as a negative, and I'll work to protect my children from those negative experiences. I knew plenty of military kids and many of them did not feel as hurt by the experience as I did. They had benefits I did not - military families tended to run into each other over different postings, they tended to go to school with clumps of other military kids so they rarely moved to a place where new kids were rare. I think extroverts likely also have an easier time, but that's purely based on observation.

This thread starting with a situation where the children would remain in their schools and I think that's much less difficult. But still, if the children don't wish to move, I wonder what the benefit would be of moving. Why don't the children wish to move? One of my children would hate to leave the easy walk to various places she loves, I think that could be mitigated by showing her what she could walk to at the new house. Another of my children has a favorite tree in our back yard. That might be harder to deal with as the tree is too large to move, but we could work on another resolution. Finding out what the children are drawn to can help everyone. Don't pretend moving is a choice if it's not. If you must move for whatever reason, you must. The children will cope. They're allowed to be excited and miserable at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Most kids are really not able to imagine what a new house or school will be like, they just do not have enough life experience to compare options. As parents, you have to decide what is best for your family. Kids can learn a lot from talking about the process with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving within the same area and school district, that is. Not talking about leaving the area.

Same school district, but not school?

I'd like to say I'm a hardass, but it just depends on how much it would upset them and my reasons for wanting to move.

I'd like to move to new construction and were seriously considering it, until my 8yr old went nuts at the mere mention. I dropped it because my reasons for wanting to move were shallow. I wanted a bigger home, better floor plan, and everything new. My current house is nice (though needing a complete remodel, so moving would probably be cheaper!) and is in an excellent school district, and is 3,000sq feet.

Not worth dealing with the tears. My 8yr old owns my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents included us in these conversations growing up. We were in 4th/5th grade when the opportunity came to move halfway across the country for better job opportunities and lower cost of living. We sat down as a family and made lists of the pros and cons of each choice, and we all talked openly about what we wanted and why.

It was a great chance to talk as a family and figure out what was really important to us. The fact that my sister and I really didn't want to move was a big deciding factor in us staying, and I'm grateful my parents took that into consideration.

OP, what are their reasons for not wanting to move if the school would stay the same? The typical reason is not leaving friends, but sounds like that's not an issue here.

Wow. I feel so sorry for you. Children never want to leave. It's up to parents to decide what's best. Sounds like you missed out on a tremendous opportunity.

I don't think so. The choice was to stay in Santa Barbara, California, or move to Kokomo, Indiana. The only benefit to moving would have been a bigger/cheaper house.

Hmmm, DH used to work for a company in Santa Barbara that was also in Kokomo. Semiconductor equipment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents included us in these conversations growing up. We were in 4th/5th grade when the opportunity came to move halfway across the country for better job opportunities and lower cost of living. We sat down as a family and made lists of the pros and cons of each choice, and we all talked openly about what we wanted and why.

It was a great chance to talk as a family and figure out what was really important to us. The fact that my sister and I really didn't want to move was a big deciding factor in us staying, and I'm grateful my parents took that into consideration.

OP, what are their reasons for not wanting to move if the school would stay the same? The typical reason is not leaving friends, but sounds like that's not an issue here.

Wow. I feel so sorry for you. Children never want to leave. It's up to parents to decide what's best. Sounds like you missed out on a tremendous opportunity.

I don't think so. The choice was to stay in Santa Barbara, California, or move to Kokomo, Indiana. The only benefit to moving would have been a bigger/cheaper house.

A child doesn't analyze things that way. You also seem to infer that Santa Barbara, California is preferable to Kokomo, Indiana for some reason. How would you know this, since you never had a chance to compare?

Maybe her parents really didn't want to go either. Maybe they justified kids' feelings for a decision they had already been leaning towards. Maybe the kids think they had a big part in the desicion, but maybe they really didn't.

[Anonymous]

I would consider my children's feelings and needs when making the decision, but I wouldn't not make a move solely based on them. We moved a couple of years ago to DC from another state. The kids have had to make some adjustments, but this isn't all bad. It is teaching them important coping and social skills and we are helping them though it with lots of love and support.