Resources, family therapist, school for anxious, gifted, possibly suicidal ADD boy: HELP!
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Anonymous
| I think you should give the school a copy of the testing results and not play games picking and choosing what information to disclose. If they're going to be a partner, they should know. If you don't trust them, the boy shouldn't be there. |
Anonymous
I agree. Don't cut him off from the video games and leave the outside school time optional, for now. I suspect that the encopresis is what is making him want to stay at home -- he is afraid of being embarrassed. I would make sure you treat that with a doctor, then slowly encourage him to do outside activites when he wants to do them. That is good that you have gone ahead with helping him with the other issues. I read your thread earlier today, and it stuck with me. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
| ^^ I meant I agree that you shouldn't cut him off from the video games, but do keep the time limits. Maybe encourage him to invite friends over to play it with him when he is up to it. |
Anonymous
| I have no advice or experiences to share, but just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your dear boy and wishing you well. I hope he feels better soon. |
Anonymous
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To OP - I read your opening comments but don't have time to read everything inbetween. I just want to share some info with you that might be helpful. First of all, thanks for mentioning the encopresis - I learn something new on dcurbanmoms every day - my DC has it although the pediatric gastro. did not put a name to it. Thank you.
Here's my message. Our pediatrician completely missed the fact that our DC had Aspergers/anxiety/ADHD. From birth DC had GERD, an unusually red behind, gas, pain in the gut. I kept complaining. Pediatrician blew me off. Testing (full NT) 4 times showed high I.Q. and possible executive functioning problems. Then exec. functioning problems two standard deviations off norm. Then ADHD. It was only on the fifth round of testing (when I insisted on blind testing) that we got the Aspergers diagnosis - which is absolutely correct. Next I start reading on Aspergers and find the link to the gastro issues. I ask ped. for referrals and get hooked up with someone who does everything BUT a simple x-ray. I research it on my own and called Children's Hospital in Boston and ask the no. 1 research on the link between aspergers and gas/leakage/abdominal issues for a local pediatric gastro. DH and I take DC in to see him. He examines DC and says "well, I'm sending DC downstairs for an x-ray but I predict that DC is full of fecalomas (hardened, old balls of stool); I can feel that her rectum is already extended". Downstairs we go. Get the x-rays. Even I, a non-doctor, can see the fecalomas in the x-ray. We do a full clean-out. DC is much better. Ped. gastro. says good but this is not the end - DC's colon is distended and will never properly return to normal size because this problem went unchecked for more than a decade. He was right . DC is full of fecalomas again so another clean-out is due plus daily miralax treatments. So what I'm trying to say is that we've been there. Our DC has soiled himself. WE found out the answer was Aspergers and untreated fecalomas. DC has been on zoloft and sertralene for five years. DC also complains about every little ache and pain. DC is extremely bright. We had an IEP which helped tremendously but it's still a struggle. Does your child sit on the toilet for a long time? Ours did and we didn't understand why. We also didn't understand why DC couldn't tell us whether or not it was diarrhea or constipation because it was both. Let me know if you want me to post the name of the ped. gastroenterologist. Good luck. I am praying for you. |
Anonymous
Teachers can be unprofessional, and indiscreet. I had this happen with my child. A teacher said something to my child, based on what she read in the neuropsychologist's report about him. he was MORTIFIED. He had no idea that what he was telling the neuropsychologist about his life at school, at some hospital miles away from school, would become something his teacher would learn about -- he thought this was a private discussion that would not get back to her. No thinking, professional teacher would have read the comments my son made, and then confronted him about them.... but I have since learned that not all teachers are thinking, professional beings. |
Anonymous
My DS is a Minecraft genius. At first we tried limiting his computer time but it started to become apparent to us that THIS was the one thing he felt he was good at. He is getting a lot of attention from his peers - especially those who would otherwise not notice him. They all want HIM to teach them his tricks and how to play the game. It has opened up a new door for him with respect to peer relationships. That in turn has boosted his self esteem beyond anything a therapist could do. So long as he gets his homework done, he is allowed to play minecraft. OP if video games make him happy and they are non-violent - let it go! It will not lower his IQ or make him a socio-path or anti-social. |
Anonymous
+1000 on Minecraft. I feel sorry for kids who don't know about Minecraft. It is a great video game and incredibly popular with kids. DS has classmates begging to come over our house for play dates because of this game. He gets rewarded with Minecraft mods for good behavior at school. |
Anonymous
+100000....DS has had more phone calls and Skype requests - not just from boys but from girls too!! Heck, his phone was ringing at 8am due to the delayed opening for MoCo...they were calling to play minecraft. DS was still sleeping 
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Anonymous
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OP, please post an update when you can and let us know how the zoloft is working out.
I do think a 504 would be in order and additional supports. Having a teacher say things like 'He's bright but needs to take responsibility" is not really helpful. I totally agree with the PP who said an educational plan is paramount. So much self esteem gets wrapped up in school and feeling like you can't perform or make friends is horrible for kids this age--it is why kids this age do commit suicide. WHile your son may be a bit of a drama queen, you must take the suicidal ideation as a very real expression of serious distress (which it sounds like you do, of course--sounds like you are doing everything you can). I would also have a conversation with your son about learning differences and brain differences: acknowledge that every one's brain works differently. It is harder for him to focus and easier for him to feel anxious and sad. This is genetic, hereditary and not his fault. It is also treatable, to a certain extent, but he needs to be a willing partner on it. if you think he's be up to it, have him report on thoughts/feelings/stuck places. If not, work with him (and a family therapist?) to create a schedule, work on motivations (like minecraft). If you could get a homework tutor even a few days a week, it might help him stay on track, is that a possibility? Iwould also see if said tutor can get him to take the ritalin if necessary (why does your son refuse it? does he not like the idea of it, or the feeling it produces?). about 'outdoor' time--what about a class that involves physical activity? we tried many things before finding martial arts to be effective and pleasurable. encopresis: is he taking fiber supplements? We found mixing them in a smoothie to help. Hard when your kid eats only crackers, but we came up with a 'must include' diet and then let him have a lot of 'not so good for you' things as well, as long as the healthy, fiber and protein based things were consumed.(yes, sugar but after broccoli). finally, where is your spouse on this? Do you have support? you two need to be unified in your plan. hugs to you. its a hard, anxious road. I wish you the best and some serious improvement for your son. |
Anonymous
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in NW DC, you may want to visit Mary Fitzgerald, works with kids a lot. DOesn't take insurnace, but will work with you.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Mary_FitzGerald_LICSW_Washington_District+of+Columbia_40311 |
Anonymous
I agree with what this PP said, especially the approach about "everyone's brain works differently". We try to emphasize to our ADD/LD child that school is designed for a certain kind of brain. Kids who have a brain close enough to this, will generally do well in school without having to try super-hard. Doing well in school doesn't equate with being smart, necessarily. Just take a look at the wall in the waiting room of the Lab School, which is covered with pictures of Lab School honorees who had learning challenges growing up and became successful adults who made unique contributions to society. Einstein and Thomas Edison's teachers thought they were stupid when they were kids! The brain is infinite in its variation and much of how it works is still mysterious to us -- just read the new articles coming out every day on new brain research! Even when kids have trouble keeping up in one area, they often have strengths in another. Our LD/ADD child is very observant, a quick deducer of conclusions, and can remember and reproduce music better than other kids his age. We try to point out these strengths as much or more often than we (have to) point out the weaknesses to be remediated. Our DC knows that for every fact an concept, there are multiple ways to remember/learn/understand. School generally only teaches one of these ways. Atypical kids have to learn how to identify their best ways of learning in order to get around a not very flexible school system. Self-advocacy takes time (and successes) to learn and self-deploy, but it is critical to future success and independence. In this way, there is nothing to fear in a "special school." Our DC is in the top 1% in terms of IQ, was beginning to exhibit the same anxiety and distress you describe (negative self-talk, sadness, anxiety in school, avoidance behaviors, etc.). When we finally pulled him from public school and put him in private school it was an immense relief to him. All that anxiety and school hatred disappeared. He even recognizes that the new school thinks that he is more capable than the old school, but they just teach and ask him to demonstrate his mastery differently. As PP said, a tutor might be helpful until you get the school on the program (IEP or 504). But, I encourage you to think about what kind of tutor --substantive and/or organizational. There are both kinds. Also the teacher who said, "'He's bright but needs to take responsibility," is exhibiting classic disability stigma. This is the experience of many parents of kids, particularly those kids who are bright. It is part of a long history of stigma against brain differences -- both learning differences and mental illness -- where society has stigmatized these differences as "behavioral choices" or "character weaknesses." If I had a dollar for every time a teacher has thought or said something along these lines about a kid with a disability or diagnosis, I'd be richer than Oprah. It troubles me that you have mentioned that a teacher said this, and that a teacher shrugged and said everyone has ADD at a meeting. Both of these together are signs that the overall environment at your school tolerates this stigma/discrimination. It is something that I would consider documenting via letter to the school principal and the 504 coordinator for your county. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
NP here. Could you please post the name. I could not figure out why DS was having symptoms of constipation, yet I'd walk up to his bathroom after hiim having a loooong stay in it, and see that instead he had what looked like a diarrhea explosion. Likely, he was having both, but could not accurately describe it and I would not have guessed both could occur. Would really like to talk to a good doc about this and see what we can do to help him. Thanks. |
Anonymous
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Hugs to you OP. A large part of what you wrote is my son, just different diagnoses and he's been on Zoloft for ages. I really recommend the Zoloft. It has done a great job helping us go on to access all sorts of talk therapy without him being overwhelmed by the underlying anxiety. He has been in talk therapy in the neighborhood for years, then also various other therapies. The most important thing is that we have learned so much from his support team and so we are able to use this therapy on a regular basis, day to day, minute to minute. Sometimes it's just exhausting and I do let him play Minecraft or else I wouldn't survive (!). However, he has made tremendous progress. It has really been steady progress, sometimes it seems like we have gone backwards, but usually there is a feeling that we may actually get to adulthood.
Good luck -- good therapists don't take insurance. Just do the best you can, submit to your insurance, and realize that you won't have enough money for a while but it's what you would do if your child has cancer and you wouldn't think twice. You will recover financially one day and be happy when you have a functional child/adult. |