Would you work in this situation?

[Anonymous]

OP I think you should quit. I make around 70k, but my DH makes similar to yours. Because our jobs are in such different tax brackets, I pay SO much more in taxes than I would if I was single. This must be the case for you too. So really, you aren't bringing home much money because your DH makes too much.

How much are you paying the nanny? Would you enjoy being a SAHM? I certainly would. You can always get back into teaching if you want, it's not as hard as more technical jobs (where education and technology keep changing constantly) are to get back into.

Also, not to be rude, but 44k wouldn't be enough to support yourself if you did get divorced. You would be receiving child support and alimony anyways.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar boat. I work part time (30 hrs) and earn about $100-150k while my DH earns $500k+. Whenever I complain, DH tells me to quit. I have posted threads about this and an overwhelmingly number of people said to keep the PT gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think it's pretty unreasonable to declare the husband a controlling jerk for not wanting his wife to go back to school while they have two little kids. If my husband came to me with a plan like that, I'd be pretty upset.

But if you were already making enough to support the family and didn't care if your DH worked or not, what would be the difference between him being in school and him having a job, other than the additional cost? What does having two little kids do with it--unless the objection is childcare cost?

Leaving the workforce to care for your family is very different from leaving the workforce to pursue your personal interests and commit to even more time away from your family, which if you've already got a masters degree and are thinking of getting a different one - I'm inclined to consider it a recreational pursuit, often a timely one at that. I relate to OP's husband because my husband already has a marketable masters degree and he occasionally considers a PhD that would not increase his earning potential and would only open up doors for him if he were interested in academia, which he's not. So for him, it would be entirely recreational in nature. If he wants to pursue that in retirement, that's his business but in the mean time, I'm not going to shoulder the responsibilities of our family alone so he can take a 5 year hiatus from the life he's already chosen.

I've been the breadwinner while my husband was unemployed. DH did pick up more of the tasks at home to try to even out the work of running a household and caring for a family but it was still hard to find a balance that felt fair. It was hard to not be resentful and that was a situation in which it wasn't even his fault. Now if he *chose* to be not only out of the workforce but also out of the house 60-70+ hours a week while tending to an unnecessary additional graduate degree while I alone care for our kids, subsidize his ever-student lifestyle, and care for the home, I would definitely resent it.

[Anonymous]

But in her situation a masters might make sense, it depends on what she doesn't like about teaching, but she might be much happier in a different role in a school or working with kids. I think a lot of teachers do this to become a reading specialist, speech pathologist, etc...Given your husband's income, particularly if it closer to 500k than 250k, you could easily afford a program at a public school like Mason and it might not even be that time consuming (treat it like your job). Yes, you would still need child care. Or, stay home a few years and go back when the kids go to school.

[Anonymous]

Quit. I did, no regrets. Or, try for part-time to keep your foot in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about subbing at a school? I know a mom who subs at my son's parochial school and seems to like the work.

If I quit my job, it will be to SAH or work somewhere else. My district doesn't favor part time teaching (probably because they don't want to have to pay benefits for more people; they prefer to see teachers take overages and there are enough who need the money who do it so that's not on the table anyway). And subbing us a NIGHTMARE. It's like babysitting with 0 authority. I would never want to do that if I didn't need the money. Thanks for the suggestion though, I do appreciate all of the replies.

I think I am stuck though until my kids are older and in public school full time. Like I said, my husband doesn't think going back for another master's degree is a good idea (especially now) so that's out. He thinks I should SAH and get a job volunteering somewhere if I need the outlet. But as tempting as that plan is, it would put me in a potentially vulnerable position so I don't know if that is really a good idea. Sigh. I don't know what to do.

Do you think you would be happy not working at all? It sounds like you're making the decision to work based on fear of things going wrong in the future (i.e., marriage might not work out). But based on what you know now - you can afford it, you have a solid marriage, you would quit. I wouldn't make a decision based on fear of the future. Quit. You can figure it out later if you need to. Maybe keep up all your teaching certifications (if possible, don't know how this works) so that you could always get another job if you needed to.

[Anonymous]

Quit and spend that time finding something you like. Don't work just to work; find something you like doing. Could you quit and spend that time starting your own business? 250k (your husband's income) isn't huge for this area, but you can definitely make it work and take the time off to do something you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Former teacher, here. If you want out, get out. I hated my job and left as soon as I found another job. I moved into an entry level HR job, which I loved. I did not have kids, but I know the feeling of being unhappy at work. It carries over to your personal life.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I guess the question is: which do you dislike more? Your job or being dependent on your DH? There's your answer.

[Anonymous]

You're probably already depending on your DH financially?
Do you think 44k a year can support the current lifestyle you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be perfectly honest, my job is stressful and not all that enjoyable. I make ~44k a year. My skills and training would not be easily transferable I don't think. My husband makes a lot more (~250k base with bonuses that can be well over 100% of his base). We have 2 kids with nanny/preschool. Anyway, whenever I complain about some aspect of my job, he tells me to just quit because we don't need my income. Sometimes I am sorely tempted. But when I was growing up, it was pounded into my head that no matter what happens, I need to be able to support myself (and whatever children I had). Never depend on a man, etc. etc. I trust my husband and we have a good marriage. Whenever I get tempted to quit my job though, I google SAHM threads, read the warning stories, and get scared.

Anyway, wwyd? If you were in a job and industry you didn't enjoy.

Are you at a private school? Your salary seems low for an experienced teacher in this area. Teaching is one profession (of a few) that allows people to re-enter fairly easily. There are also other places to teach. Perhaps you need to find a different place of work.

I would have a discussion with your DH to discuss what both of your expectations are if you quit. How much housework/parenting does your DH do now? How much do you do? How will that change if you quit? How will you handle the finances - does everything go into the same bucket or do you split costs today? If you are truly nervous about a possbile future divorce and being left in the lurch (even though you don't see it on the horizon at all - maybe you saw it happen to your parents, aunt/uncle, friend's parents.....), I would put the agreement in writing and have it notorized or go as far as having a post-nup.

Open communication is key.

[Anonymous]

Usually I would say the husband should e supportive. But here OP sounds flakey. An expensive degree and making 44k? He helped pay it off. Now you want another one? Track record isn't on your side.

[Anonymous]

Heck now I would not work. I do not work now and DH makes significantly less. We do have lots of real estate investments though. Without them I would work, but not if DH was making what yours is making.

[Anonymous]

44K and this is a hard decision to make? Why? Your income is going entirely into taxes now as a result of your husband's income.

Teaching, unfortunately, appears to be something else while studying for it, and quite another while actually doing it. A bad secret no one tells you for this field.

You are on a bottom rung now- just started- quit NOW before you accrue more years and more excuses not to quit.More years toward the pension, more years invested in a career you will ALWAYS hate. All teachers do now is calculate how many years they have left before they will receive a pension- too many years into it to justify quitting. They have kids they have to put through college, etc. You have none of these issues right now-it is actually a net benefit because you will not have to pay for daycare, and you are not invested in a pension that you will lose. Teaching is not what it was. It has turned into a ridiculous business model with impossible paperwork and accountability metrics. Just check the recent Washington Post articles about teaching ( Strauss). If reading those posts do not convince you, nothing will.

Stick it out until June. It's just 22 weeks away or less depending on where you are. Don't burn bridges. After that, you can tutor, you can teach online in virtual schools, you can teach in community colleges, you can do just about anything to make the same net income (because you are not paying daycare) including selling stuff on ebay..really. This is not a hard decision. If you were mid career, making even 30K more, we might be having a different conversation.

[Anonymous]

I spent years debating whether to quit and was finally forced out, more or less, by an illness. We didn't realize until a few years afterwards how much less stressful it was for the entire family with me at home. DH made money at the high end of that range (now a bit more) but that kind of money doesn't come stress-free -- at least not for him. (He does love his job though). I'd quit; but only if your marriage is in good shape.