Would this bother you re: husband and holiday shopping

[Anonymous]

Some people love shopping. It is entertainment for them.

Other people hate shopping. It is an obligation for them.

It's not personal. Your husband doesn't love you less or "not know" you because he just goes through the motions with the gift-giving stuff. He probably just doesn't like shopping.

When gift-giving because a source of stress and animosity (as it has in so many ways with Xmas), it really is time to just do away with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Seriously, we don't give a shit. We hate Christmas. We hate the whole exercise of shopping for gifts. We hate that it's a litmus test for our affection for you. We hate spending the money. We think the whole thing is silly.

We really don't want anything, either. Honestly, half the time we invent stuff to put on our "list" so you'll shut up and leave us alone.

Yeah, this is my husband, only its not just Christmas, it's all holidays. The only way I get a Christmas, birthday, anniversary, or any other present is if I explicitly tell him, "I want this," and give him a link. Sometimes not even then. He bitches every year about having to buy gifts for his mom and dad--what a hassle it is, how stupid it is, etc., etc. He doesn't want to buy gifts for our 2 year old because he says she's too young to care and she's getting a million things from the grandparents anyway. Today, I told him I needed the car (our only car) to finish Christmas shopping and he sulked for three hours because it meant he couldn't go to the gym and play basketball. Half the things he does buy are online purchases that don't show up until New Year's. It's lazy and selfish.

Here's a newsflash guys: it isn't all about you. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

becomes not because

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Seriously, we don't give a shit. We hate Christmas. We hate the whole exercise of shopping for gifts. We hate that it's a litmus test for our affection for you. We hate spending the money. We think the whole thing is silly.

We really don't want anything, either. Honestly, half the time we invent stuff to put on our "list" so you'll shut up and leave us alone.

Yeah, this is my husband, only its not just Christmas, it's all holidays. The only way I get a Christmas, birthday, anniversary, or any other present is if I explicitly tell him, "I want this," and give him a link. Sometimes not even then. He bitches every year about having to buy gifts for his mom and dad--what a hassle it is, how stupid it is, etc., etc. He doesn't want to buy gifts for our 2 year old because he says she's too young to care and she's getting a million things from the grandparents anyway. Today, I told him I needed the car (our only car) to finish Christmas shopping and he sulked for three hours because it meant he couldn't go to the gym and play basketball. Half the things he does buy are online purchases that don't show up until New Year's. It's lazy and selfish.

Here's a newsflash guys: it isn't all about you. Grow up.

He's probably right about that.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread but really move on from this.

have him do the presents for his side. find some way to casually mention this to his side sometime.

lots of people xmas shop two days before - that's why the stores are so packed then!!

[Anonymous]

I'm a NP. Last year, my DH was thoughtful and planned, but bought me a totally hideous dress that was way too tight for me (despite the fact that I am fairly thin and have been the same size for years) and some really, really overpriced yoga pants made for a 6-foot woman. I am hoping he does better this year. I would have much preferred a giftcard last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Seriously, we don't give a shit. We hate Christmas. We hate the whole exercise of shopping for gifts. We hate that it's a litmus test for our affection for you. We hate spending the money. We think the whole thing is silly.

We really don't want anything, either. Honestly, half the time we invent stuff to put on our "list" so you'll shut up and leave us alone.

You had no problem buying me Christmas gifts when we were courting...

[Anonymous]

I buy gifts for myself with DH's card, wrap them and place them under the tree. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but really move on from this.

have him do the presents for his side. find some way to casually mention this to his side sometime.

lots of people xmas shop two days before - that's why the stores are so packed then!!

Pp. I just think most times men suck at picking out gifts. Say it with me "keep the receipt." I do email links of stuff I want sometimes. Then he can go and take the trouble to order it, make sure it is delivered, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get this. Totally. It's not about being selfish and wanting gifts; it's a love language thing. The people that I love, I LOVE to shop for. Finding something perfect for that person means a ton. One of the best gifts I have ever recieved was when a friend bought a 5 lb bag of gummy bears and picked out all the pink ones, since that's the only color I like. I was so touched that she took the time to try to fulfill a silly whimsical preference of mine. With my DH, I gave fair warning. I told him up front that I am a present person and that it is a big deal for me to feel loved. I tell him every thanksgiving that I am starting to shop for his gift and remind him that it doesn't have to be big or expensive, just somethig that shows he thought about me enough to choose something that I would actually want or need. Last year, my gift was that he took my old watch to get the battery replaced--a chore I had been forgetting for months. It was perfect and only cost him $10. It is literally the thought that counts.

[Anonymous]

No it wouldn't bother me. My husband Christmas shops on Christmas Eve every year. I find it hilarious.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH does the exact same thing. Here's my advice:

Say Thank You.

Love your husband.

Remember there are lots of DCUMs whose husbands have left them for second families, so your DH does the most important thing: show up.

Rejoice in that because your kids have an onsite Dad.

No, it's not a low bar. It's reality.

Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Seriously, we don't give a shit. We hate Christmas. We hate the whole exercise of shopping for gifts. We hate that it's a litmus test for our affection for you. We hate spending the money. We think the whole thing is silly.

We really don't want anything, either. Honestly, half the time we invent stuff to put on our "list" so you'll shut up and leave us alone.

Angry poster.

no, just telling women how it is even though time after time they don't want to hear, don't want to acknowledge it and just perpetuate the cycle of 'woe is me'. some women here are enlightened enough to realize and accept we don't put the same value in gift giving as the ladies. just a simple fact. get over it or we'll see y'all here next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is perfect, this is just his flaw and it is minor. Better to have a great husband and dad to your kids than someone who is only good at picking out presents.

+1

DH and I don't give each other gifts at Christmas, it's just easier that way.
Everything goes to the kids and my in-laws (my side of the family is Jewish).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could be my DH as well. My solution? Send him an email with a selection of easily ordered-from-online options and have him pick.

And get over it.

Shit, my lazy spouse can't even go with an email and follow through. Enough!

If his secretary needs to call me and ask me what I want than all bets are off. FU spouse! Fuck your family too!

2014 will be about me.

Get set. We are now getting a divorce. BTW:You can't hide shit from the IRS. Ha ha!

Signed,

Your soon to be ex-wife