WTF Is Wrong with My In-Laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

You are crazy and bound to be disappointed often.

How am I crazy? You can go in any CVS and find these cards. I did not make it up.
Neither did I say I expected to get a card. I do not care!
I am terrible about these things, a procrastinator.
However my mom AND MIL are good about sending them and I get cards from both.
It's nice, but not an obligation.

There is a small market for cards acknowledging someone other than your own mother on Mother's Day because some POS husbands can't be bothered to raise a finger on behalf of his kids, or a woman may be "like a mom" to a sibling or niece, etc. that doesn't mean that we all need to run out and start buying up cards for aunts, sisters, daughters, etc. who are being appropriately feted by their children and partners. Hallmark would love it if you did, but just because they sell a card doesn't mean you need to buy it.

We evidently shop at different stores. Last I looked there were tons of those cards.
ANYHOW, the pint was you can say, acknowledge, send email, smoke signals or psychic vibes to women OTHER OTHER THAN YOUR OWN MOTHER on Mothers Day.

[Anonymous]

Don't let them doing anything or not doing anything get to you on what should be a special day of reflecting back on the past year. If it's a sign of things to come, you have to learn to not be sensitive to it. It's hard, but why get yourself upset that they operate differently.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ you are easily slighted. Your inlaws and I'm guessing your husband, are not easily slighted. Thank goodness (or you wouldn't have any relationship at all) That's the good news. The best part of their temperament -it won't be as likely that YOUR mistakes/miscues will get under their skin.

It helps to be direct and mention to loved ones what you need -ahead of time- Instead it sounds like you wait for them to mess-up so you can pounce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My IL's are the same way. They don't even send DH a card for his birthday. He gets cards from everyone in my family (with money attached often!), but not from his own.

I've learned to let it go.

Mine too! I cannot believe my MIL, who sends cards at the drop of a hat, did not even call my husband on his big birthday recently (40). None of his siblings did, either. I felt terribly for him. It bugs him but what can you do.

[Anonymous]

Hmm ... I am with OP. I am totally not a birthday person and I think it's silly for adults to care about things like presents, etc. but the first year is really a milestone, for the parents as much as the child. I would have been very sad if my in laws said nothing (and I was very pleasantly surprised that my parents, from whom I expect very little, called).

But anyway, water under the bridge. OP, I hope you threw your baby a great birthday party, and congrats on making through the first year!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I would be upset too. My ILs are like this. We are expecting our first baby in a month (first grandchild for both sides) and none of them ever ask to speak to me on the phone when they call DH or ask how I'm doing with the pregnancy. His brother and sister won't even acknowledge I'm pregnant. None of them are planning to visit after the baby is born and I doubt I'll get so much as an email from them when I deliver (a baby gift would be out of the question). His father even flat out told us that he has no plans to meet the baby (probably when the child is in middle school). I've just learned to accept that this is how they are and I avoid them as much as possible (they all live out of state).

Baby -- that is a totally different situation. Your IL's are cray-cray. OP's IL'S have just not called. You do see the difference don't you?

+1!! Fwiw I come from a non birthday oriented family but we love and care about eachother. Just not into the fanfare. My in-laws make a big deal over birthdays and personally I find it narcissistic.

I would love if my ILs would let a birthday go by without fanfare. They celebrate each and every family member's birthday, from teenage grandchildren to adult children. Annoying in the sense that we're all nearby, so literally every month is a trek to their house for a birthday party. They have to throw the party or the birthday doesn't "count" - so DH can have a quiet celebration at our house, but then we all have to get the extended family together for the "real" celebration. Out of town on your birthday? Your party awaits, even a month later. Try this with two adult children, their young families and the grandparents and it is a nightmare to schedule.

Ugh, that sounds exhausting.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been through this and it still burns a little. I know where you are coming from. This was MY family too and I expected more from them...kids are much older now and nothing has changed...just move on.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with your, OP. My DS has been the only grandkid for both families for almost 10 years until BIL had his baby. Only in my case it were my own parents who didn't call, didn't write, not to mention gifts.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP. I hope they did end up calling though.

If not, you can see what kind of people they are and will just have to accept the fact that it is how its going to be.

Let DH deal with the drama!

[Anonymous]

Maybe they forgot the date? I can't keep track of all my niece and nephew's birthdays sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I hope they did end up calling though.

If not, you can see what kind of people they are and will just have to accept the fact that it is how its going to be.

Let DH deal with the drama!

Ummmm...but it is OP who is creating the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

NP here. They can sell cards for whatever they like, but mothers day is about honoring YOUR mother, no-one elses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

You are crazy and bound to be disappointed often.

How am I crazy? You can go in any CVS and find these cards. I did not make it up.
Neither did I say I expected to get a card. I do not care!
I am terrible about these things, a procrastinator.
However my mom AND MIL are good about sending them and I get cards from both.
It's nice, but not an obligation.

There is a small market for cards acknowledging someone other than your own mother on Mother's Day because some POS husbands can't be bothered to raise a finger on behalf of his kids, or a woman may be "like a mom" to a sibling or niece, etc. that doesn't mean that we all need to run out and start buying up cards for aunts, sisters, daughters, etc. who are being appropriately feted by their children and partners. Hallmark would love it if you did, but just because they sell a card doesn't mean you need to buy it.

We evidently shop at different stores. Last I looked there were tons of those cards.
ANYHOW, the pint was you can say, acknowledge, send email, smoke signals or psychic vibes to women OTHER OTHER THAN YOUR OWN MOTHER on Mothers Day.

NP again. Sure, you CAN, but anyone who EXPECTS it is absolutely high maintenance. The only people who should be celebrating you on mothers day are your own kids (with your husband's help if necessary).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I would be upset too. My ILs are like this. We are expecting our first baby in a month (first grandchild for both sides) and none of them ever ask to speak to me on the phone when they call DH or ask how I'm doing with the pregnancy. His brother and sister won't even acknowledge I'm pregnant. None of them are planning to visit after the baby is born and I doubt I'll get so much as an email from them when I deliver (a baby gift would be out of the question). His father even flat out told us that he has no plans to meet the baby (probably when the child is in middle school). I've just learned to accept that this is how they are and I avoid them as much as possible (they all live out of state).

Baby -- that is a totally different situation. Your IL's are cray-cray. OP's IL'S have just not called. You do see the difference don't you?

+1!! Fwiw I come from a non birthday oriented family but we love and care about eachother. Just not into the fanfare. My in-laws make a big deal over birthdays and personally I find it narcissistic.

+Another. Some of us just aren't into birthdays. I rarely remember my own, unless I'm writing the date for something.

[Anonymous]

My DH own mother never calls him on his birthday. I would die of shock if she ever sent our kids a birthday card.

I learned a long time ago to let things go.

Good luck!